A Story Written Historically Inaccurately
by Crazy Insanity
Summary: Love at first sight? Not. How one relationship in particular develops over a long course of battles, conquering evil, annoying each other to death, the like. [ZYxXQ, SCxDQ, GNxSSXxLB]
1. Damsels in Distress

I was going to write a different fic, but I decided that my first fic needed to be done justice first. So, without further ado … I present to you the rewrite of "A Historically Inaccurate Story." It won't be exactly the same, and I'm not in the mood to write a sequel or anything fancy … but you'll survive.

**Sidenotes:** The plot will be totally different from the original, so those of you who think you know what's coming next – you don't (**sideways**, I've changed the ending as well). I will not post up the ending to the original. I have changed many aspects of the original, because I think the original was lame and stupid. I won't give them their best weapons at first; they will EARN them (few exceptions to some veterans who already have). Also, I will use "the Han" instead of "China." China is a name that we Westerners gave to them. I assume that they called themselves the Han at that time period. I will use mostly the game and some of the novel, and maybe some history when needed … so I apologize in advance for butchering any ages and historic events. Please refer to the title, as always.

**Rating: **The T is for safety and freedom of speech. It is also for violence and (later) character death.

**Warning:** Xiao Qiao is not very IC. If you hate anything OOC, then I suggest you not read it (hey, at least I'm warning you). Also, I am terrible at romance. In addition, the fic's not completely Cleantongue, but you will not find any really bad words anywhere in this fic. If you want to flame, go ahead, but don't expect to be paid any attention. Constructive criticism or historical tidbits accepted. And also, the fighting is more descriptive here … sorry … in my earlier fic it was short because it's so easy to kill in the game … but I've been watching more and more historical dramas, and I don't think it's that easy to kill another person. The main pairing is, unsurprisingly, _Zhou Yu x Xiao Qiao_.

**Summary:** Love at first sight? Not. How one relationship in particular develops over a long course of battles, conquering evil, annoying each other to death, the like. (ZYxXQ, SCxDQ, GNxSSXxLB)

**Style names in this chapter:** _GONGJIN ._Zhou Yu

**Disclaimer:** Don't own DW, Koei, or the characters.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter One:** Damsels in Distress_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Sun Ce let his horse, a white mount, skid to a stop as soon as the enemy camp could be seen in the distance, partially concealed by a thick fog. He then swiveled his horse around to face the friend galloping along behind him. "Zhou Yu!"

Zhou Yu also screeched to a halt, though he was still quite a distance behind Sun Ce. "Yes?"

"How can we pull this off?"

Zhou Yu almost smiled. _Typical Sun Ce. Save the actual thinking as a last-minute resort._ He had known that something of the sort was going to happen as soon as the issue of the Qiaos had been brought up.

"Nothing better than rescuing the damsels in distress," Sun Ce had said with one of his trademark grins.

Zhou Yu shook his head to rid his mind of distractions and thought long and hard about what would be the best tactic.

"Well, the worst-case scenario would be to open the tent flap and find that the Qiaos aren't there. Nothing too dangerous can impede our mission, can it?" Zhou Yu pointed out.

"So what are we waiting for?" asked Sun Ce, dismounting from his horse. "Let's dash out there and go!"

"Wait, Ce! It won't be _that_ simp--"

Too late. Sun Ce was long out of earshot.

x . x . x . x

"HELP!" shrieked Xiao Qiao at the top of her lungs as soon as the guard turned his back on the two Qiao sisters, who were chained together at the wrists and at the ankles. Instantly the man swerved around and gave her a good smack across the face with the end of his spear.

"JUST. SHUT. _UP_!" he roared.

"Then let us go, you fat, stick-wielding PERVERT!" shot back Xiao Qiao.

"You're crazy!" shouted the guard, threatening to hit her again.

"Well, then I refuse to remain silent!" With that, Xiao Qiao attempted to hit him, but the heavy chains weighed down her attack. Not even a bee would have flinched under such an blow.

Again, she was thwacked for her efforts.

"Foolish girl ... " sneered the guard.

Then, suddenly, there was a sickening crack as a wooden blur made contact with the guard's head.

"Take that!" cried a strange voice.

With that, the guard fell to the ground, either unconscious or dead, to reveal the figure standing behind him. He was a strong man, muscular, clad mostly in red with a goatee and light brown hair tied into a high ponytail with red ribbons. He wielded a pair of tonfas, one of those long, stick-ish weapons that had attacked the guard, and he had a good-natured quality about him … and yet, he seemed strangely noble.

"Sun Ce! Behind you!" cried a voice from outside the tent.

Instantly, the strange man, apparently named Sun Ce, spun around to find five soldiers behind him, lined up neatly with their spears held at ready. Sun Ce took a few steps backward. The soldiers took this as their cue to attack.

"Intruder!" they cried, lunging forward.

Sun Ce tightened his grip on his tonfas, bringing them up in a defensive position.

Behind the soldiers, a sword sliced through the tent flap, cutting it clean off. The men who had been so focused on attacking Sun Ce turned around to face the sudden sound, still holding their weapons a ready-to-attack position, the spearheads all pointing to the door..

"Two-to-five," said the man who had just cut the tent open, flipping his dark, slightly-longer-than-shoulder-length hair casually away from his shoulder. "Better than our last odds, I'd say."

"This is almost too easy, Gongjin," answered Sun Ce, grinning off-handedly.

"Kill them!" cried one soldier.

"Yes! Kill them!" answered another. Instantly, the rest echoed, "Kill them!" in unison.

Da Qiao squealed and scooted back, away from the fighting, prompting Xiao Qiao to roll her eyes and mutter, "Chicken."

Xiao Qiao herself was fascinated, seeing her first battle so up-close. She watched as a soldier charged the stranger called Gongjin, who simply brought up his steel sword to lift the attacker's spear out of the way before harshly bringing it around and back down again, pushing harshly, catching the soldier off balance. Then he lunged forth, burying his blade deep inside the man's stomach. The man lurched, and Gongjin let his blade sit there for a moment before pulling it out. With no further ado, the man crumpled to the floor.

Then she watched as two soldiers leaped in the air with their spears lifted above their heads, about to land by Sun Ce and bring their blades crashing down with them.

Unfortunately for them, Sun Ce foresaw this move and leaped into the air above them, backflipping. As soon as he had completed one rotation through the air, he abruptly brought out his tonfas and gave each soldier's head a good whack at the same time, knocking them to the floor with two painful thumps. If they weren't dead, they were at least brain-dead from the force of the blow. Then he gracefully landed on his own two feet, in a guarded position. Seeing Gongjin's kill, he winked and gave his ally a thumbs-up. "Three down, two to go."

A soldier leaped behind Sun Ce, but Gongjin cried out, "Watch it!" Sun Ce immediately caught the hint and turned around to face the enemy at the same time that a soldier snuck up behind Gongjin and roared a battle cry. Gongjin, caught off guard, managed to sidestep a bit, but not before the spear had bitten his side. Wincing slightly, Gonjin whipped around and sliced straight across. This swift blow was only parried by pure luck as the guard brought his spear around to protect his face instinctively.

"Nice job," called Sun Ce from where he was, observing Gongjin's work. The soldier that had attempted to take on Sun Ce was lying on the ground, completely lifeless.

"Whatever," replied Gongjin, wincing again. He looked rather tired; odd, for such a slight loss of blood, and he staggered to one knee in sheer exhaustion. The soldier sensed the kill and triumphantly closed in with a lazily-aimed blow.

The tiredness evaporated from Gongjin's eyes as he rolled forwards, just barely under the threatening silver arc of the blade, and with a clever maneuver, he knocked the soldier's spear from his hands. The newly-unarmed soldier watched in amazement as Gongjin jumped back to his feet and pinned him to the wall, that steel sword's sinister coolness resting but a hair's width from his delicate neck. He gulped, eyes darting about.

"Surrender or death?" asked Gongin, tilting his head to the side in a cold manner.

"Whaa … ?" The soldier was still confused. "But you were--"

"Idiot. You should have known I was acting. You're lucky if that scratch leaves even a scar. Now to the matter at hand. Surrender or death?"

The guard's features tightened proudly. "Death."

"So be it." With that, the bloodstained silver blade pushed down and quickly ended the man's life.

With that, Gongjin turned to the Qiaos, perfectly gracious and not at all rustled by the fact that he had just beheaded another man. "Good afternoon, ladies. My name is Zhou Yu, and this is Sun Ce."

Xiao Qiao never recalled fainting, but later she was told by Da Qiao that that is exactly what she did.

x . x . x . x

"That was _disgusting,_ Yu," Sun Ce gagged.

"Put it this way," replied Zhou Yu. "If it hadn't been him, it would've been me. And anyway, it's not as if I'm not sickened by all the killing, too."

"You just don't show it." Sun Ce rolled his eyes. "But you could've been less violent with the last man … "

"Ce, he was trying to kill me," Zhou Yu pointed out.

"That's besides the point!" exclaimed Sun Ce.

Zhou Yu crossed his arms. "Must we continue to bicker? Or shall we free the Qiao sisters?"

Sun Ce nodded. "You're right." Then he leaned in towards the only conscious girl sitting there, with coal-black hair and fear-filled eyes. "What's your name?" he asked kindly.

The girl blushed nervously and backed away, scooting into the tent wall.

"We're not going to hurt you," added Sun Ce. "We're friends. Here to set you free. So, what's your name?"

She met Sun Ce's eyes shyly. "I-I don't quite remember."

Sun Ce was incredulous. "_What?_"

The Qiao blushed harder. "We haven't been called anything but Elder Qiao and Younger Qiao for as long as I can remember … we once had other names, but no more. Thus, I have been called Da Qiao (Big Qiao) and my younger sister here has been called Xiao Qiao (Small Qiao)."

Zhou Yu found his glance shifting briefly to the younger Qiao, whose cheeks were marred with striped bruises. His eyes flickered with what could have been compassion before his eyes darted back to the elder Qiao.

"But that's humiliating! To be called 'Big' and 'Small' for the rest of your lives!" Sun Ce was reddening, as he often did when he was arguing for something he was passionate about.

"Never mind," said Zhou Yu, interrupting before Sun Ce could get _really_ heated up. "Is your sister ill?"

"What?" asked Da Qiao, blushing again. "I'm sorry, no, I don't think so."

"Then why has she fainted?"

"I don't think she's ever seen so much blood up close," answered Da Qiao shakily.

Zhou Yu eyed her oddly. "And you have?"

Again, Da Qiao took to blushing. "I'm used to bloodshed. I shielded Xiao's eyes from it when we were younger, and since then there's been nothing much except for Dong Zhuo, and even _he_ disappeared a while ago. B-but she's never … actually … "

Zhou Yu pressed his lips together. Those who knew him well, like Sun Ce, knew that this was a sign of one of three things. He could either be suppressing laughter, be expressing distaste, or be at a loss for words. In this case, it was the third option.

"Dong Zhuo receded because he was killed," he informed them.

"_What?_" Da Qiao blushed again, realizing how impudent she had sounded. "I mean, he's _dead?_ We're _free?_"

"Not quite," said Zhou Yu, spinning around and slicing downwards neatly to swiftly eliminate yet another soldier that had been running up behind him. Da Qiao stared nervously at his bloodstained sword. "That should be the last of them. I don't detect anymore footsteps; do you, Ce?"

"How did you know that the soldier was … ?" asked Da Qiao, curious.

Zhou Yu shrugged. "That is not important. What we must do now is get you two back to our home."

"You can take the younger sister," said Sun Ce, delegating responsibility as always. "She's unconscious. Can't you use your _magic_ to heal her?"

Zhou Yu gritted his teeth together. "For the last time. It is not _magic._ It is energy that we draw from our surroundings to--"

"Forget the lecture," laughed Sun Ce. "We'll be late! What shall Father think?"

"Nothing appropriate for children's ears, that's for sure," agreed Zhou Yu, also laughing. He turned to Da Qiao. "Do you agree with these arrangements?"

Da Qiao nodded. "I-I do not mind."

"Then let us get going!" cried Sun Ce, grabbing Da Qiao's arm and running forth. Squealing in surprise, Da Qiao struggled to keep up with Sun Ce's strenuous pace.

"Hurry up, Yu!" Sun Ce exclaimed once he had reached his horse, not noticing how hard Da Qiao was puffing to catch her breath.

"You are murdering the Lady Qiao," Zhou Yu called in reply, walking out of the tent with the unconscious Xiao Qiao in his arms. "They are dignified ladies, unused to such exercise."

"It is fine," whispered Da Qiao.

Sun Ce grinned broadly. "For that, I am glad."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Damsels in Distress**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Wow, this was short … not even two thousand words! I promise the next chapter will be longer! Anyway, read and review! Tell me what you think and stuff (Gosh, I can NEVER be serious). This is rather awkward, so I guess I'll be making my stately departure about now.


	2. Daddy?

**Sidenotes:** Sorry for delay. Homework is absolutely wonderful! … once you throw it into a pit of eternal hellfire, that is … anyway, Cheng Pu was a major general (I think) not put in the game as a playable character. He's a veteran, so he'll be keeping the over-neglected Huang Gai company. I'm not exactly sure about his personality, but I'm making it slightly silly – once you get to know him, that is. Han Dang is a minor veteran, so he'll show up occasionally. Zhou Tai will show up once I play through his legend and understand his personality a _bit_ more.

**Warning:** You probably couldn't (realistically) travel from one of Dong Zhuo's camp to Jiangdong on horseback in less than a day, but perhaps Zhou Yu and Sun Ce had superspeed or something. Be creative! And sorry, this chapter REALLY sucks. Sorry. (and it's uber-short, too)

**Thank-you's:** My thanks to everyone who bothered to review :)

**New Pairing:** After seeing SSX's ending for DW5, I've decided to make it **SSX-BEI.** Voice your objections if you have any straight to me.

**Style names in this chapter:** None

**Disclaimer:** Dynasty Warriors belongs to Koei and not me.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Two:** Daddy?_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Huang Gai started, seeing the clouds of dust in the distance grow nearer and nearer.

"It's the Young Lord!" he called back to the others. "Thank goodness he has arrived, before Lord Sun Jian could find out about his departure … and Zhou Yu is with him as well!"

Cheng Pu spat in pure disgust. "Pfooey. Who cares about Zhou Yu? Zhou Yu this. Zhou Yu that. No room for weak old Cheng Pu anymore."

Han Dang stood quietly in the background, rolling his eyes. He was used to Cheng Pu's derogatory comments, usually directed at one of the younger folks that would eventually replace them. Namely the one getting the most attention: Zhou Yu of Shucheng. The sworn brother and best friend to their lord's eldest son and heir.

"Lord Sun Jian trusts his son's judgement with Zhou Yu," said Huang Gai. "And I trust our lord's judgement."

"Well, in this case, I don't," sniffed Cheng Pu as the horses drew nearer. He squinted, eyes darting back and forth uneasily from the horses to Huang Gai. Finally, he gathered up the nerve to say something. "Am I seeing things?"

Huang Gai strained his neck, frowning slightly as he spotted what Cheng Pu had seen. "Well, _this_ might explain why they left without notice."

"But to bring home _girls!_ Lord Sun Jian will slaughter us for letting them do such a thing!" Cheng Pu's grip on his serpentine spear tightened in what could be interpreted as a mixture of fear and fury.

"They're MEN," Huang Gai pointed out. "Lonely young men. Which means that they will inevitably obtain women to amuse themselves at one point in time or another. At least the lord's son has not followed his father's footsteps and gotten a pair of twins."

"And the Qiaos are any better?" asked Cheng Pu incredulously.

"What's wrong with the Qiaos?" asked Han Dang curiously.

"What's _wrong?_" gaped Cheng Pu. "Mister Dang, we're under the same roof as GanNingandLuXun here! Drunk Boy plus I'm-So-Pretty Boy plus Sun Ce plus Zhou Yu plus two famously-beautiful girls equals one gigantic disaster!"

Huang Gai frowned. "That's a rather large equation, but it's true nonetheless."

"So what shall we do about it?" panted Cheng Pu, worn out by his own dramatics.

"Nothing," replied Huang Gai.

"_Nothing!_ Are you _INSANE_?"

"Possibly. But it's better to sit back and watch chaos than to become entangled within it."

Huang Gai then walked forward to greet his lord's son and his entourage, leaving Cheng Pu behind to ponder the meaning of life among other things.

x . x . x . x

Zhou Yu dismounted from his horse, leaving Xiao Qiao atop of it. The younger of the two Qiaos had woken up during the long ride back to the palace, pestering him incessantly with annoying questions. Their dialogue had gone as follows:

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How long will it take?"

"I don't know."

"Where do you live?"

"Somewhere."

"Oh, THAT'S real helpful."

"Thanks."

And so on. Meanwhile, with Sun Ce and the elder Qiao's conversation had gone somewhat like this:

"Hello."

"Hi."

(Here was an awkward silence.)

"You know, I still think you deserved a more beautiful name than 'Big.'"

(Here Da Qiao blushed herself into the equivalent of a vine-ripened tomato.)

"Thank you."

"Something beautiful. Something like, 'Li Na.' Or--"

"You flatter me so."

"Only because I am blessed to be in the presence of such a beauty."

"And I in the presence of such a strong, handsome lord."

(Here it was Sun Ce's turn to blush.)

And so on.

Almost immediately, a difference between the two pairs could be easily distinguished. And that was only within the first few minutes of their ride back home.

Sun Ce stopped his horse as he neared the lone figure of Huang Gai. Cheng Pu could be seen standing back in the distance, looking thoughtful.

The young lord dismounted, graciously helping down the Lady Da Qiao as soon as his two feet were on the ground. Zhou Yu also helped down his passenger, though she only gave him a slightly-annoyed glare instead of dimpling sweetly like her sister had. Of course, Zhou Yu did not exactly give her the most heartfelt of smiles, either.

"Huang Gai! Cheng Pu!" Sun Ce greeted them heartily, before letting his voice drop down to a whisper. "Has Father … "

Huang Gai shook his head. "No, Young Lord."

Sun Ce let out a deep sigh of relief, letting his voice slide back into cheeriness. "Well, in that case, let's show you around!" he exclaimed, swiveling to face Da Qiao.

"Ahem."

Sun Ce froze, squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he could manage. Then he slowly, cautiously turned around. One eye fluttered open for barely a second before abruptly shutting itself again.

"Father, I can explai--"

"Shush!" As soon as these words left Sun Jian's throat, Sun Ce immediately sealed his lips, as Huang Gai, Cheng Pu, Han Dang, and Zhou Yu all dropped to one knee in respect. "My disappointment in you, son, cannot be explained in mere words! How _dare_ you run off on such a reckless adventure? All for the sake of a little excitement?"

"Wherever would you get _that_ idea?" asked Sun Ce, opening his eyes tentatively.

"I don't know," said Sun Jian sarcastically, holding up a small, leatherbound book. "I wonder what _this_ might be?"

"My diary," squeaked Sun Ce.

Sun Jian crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You are confined to your chambers for three days, except for meals." To emphasize his point, he held up three fingers with his free hand.

"_THREE DA_--"

"That could easily change to four," Sun Jian interrupted sternly.

Sun Ce silenced himself.

"Good," said Sun Jian. "Go. _Now._ As for you, Zhou Yu, Lu Xun requires his lessons now. You may take your leave."

"Thank you, my lord." Zhou Yu bowed his head, rising to his feet and hurriedly walking off to do his lord's bidding.

Sun Ce hesitated. "Father, I really _am_ sorr--"

"Silence!"

Sun Ce hung his head and went off to fulfill the terms of his father's sentence. The Qiaos stayed behind, not knowing what to do.

As soon as the two sworn brothers had gone off, Huang Gai turned to Sun Jian, whose brows were knitted together harshly, giving a somewhat-unsympathetic appearance to the usually calm lord. "You are too hard on him."

Sun Jian's frown deepened, his eyes clouding over thoughtfully. "He needs to learn how to restrain himself sometimes. He is my _son._" His teeth clenched as he spoke the last sentence.

Then Sun Jian shook himself out of his thoughts. Meeting Huang Gai squarely in the eye, he ordered, "Huang Gai, you shall accompany the Qiao sisters around the palace. Cheng Pu may join as well. And take along Han Dang. Make them feel at home."

Huang Gai, Han Dang, and Cheng Pu nodded, saying in unison, "We shall do our best, my lord."

Sun Jian merely shrugged, turning back to the palace before making his own brisk departure.

x . x . x . x

"First things first," said Huang Gai. "We should give them a few warnings before letting them enter the palace."

"One: you should avoid any young pretty-boys that are lurking around here," said Cheng Pu, crouching and curling his hands into claws to mimic some sort of swamp creature.

"Or any young, wine-loving ex-pirates," added Huang Gai, pretending to drink from a jug of wine and feigning a drunken swagger, nearly crashing into Han Dang.

"Or any muscular, handsome warriors with strong jaws and thick brow ridges," said Cheng Pu, making his point by motioning proudly to his own flimsy chin and fuzzy, thinning brows.

"Oh, can you just say their names?" asked Han Dang, exasperated. He turned to the Qiaos, who were looking a bit … confused. "They mean to avoid the following people: Lu Xun, Gan Ning, and Lu Meng." He counted off each person on his fingers as he said their names aloud.

Huang Gai nodded. "Yes. Exactly what he said. Now to other business."

Cheng Pu stared at Huang Gai. "You don't mean to introduce them to the Great B--"

"Language," reminded Han Dang.

"No, it's too early to tell them such ghastly things," Huang Gai agreed. "Well then, if our little warnings are over with, then, let's show them around the palace!"

x . x . x . x

By the end of the day, Xiao Qiao was exhausted, both by how energetic Huang Gai, Cheng Pu, and Han Dang seemed to be when chatting together and by walking through the vast palace. All the doors and halls swirled together in her memory, though she could faintly recall as they gave names to each and every door door …

"_That's Gan Ning's room; he's had more women in there than the bathhouse has … "_

"_That's Zhou Yu's room. It's usually empty; the man's always in the library, or teaching Lu Xun … "_

"_That door down the hall is Lord Sun Jian's room. One step closer and he'll come out and execute you on the spot … "_

Before long, darkness began to seep through the sky. Xiao Qiao's heart skipped a beat as a loud cry sounded through the halls.

"SUPPERTIME!"

Immediately doors flew open as men poured out of their rooms. Xiao Qiao peered out the window into the training field as dust clouds began to taint the air around it. Soldiers ran from all directions, all streaming towards one destination: the Main Hall.

"Damn these kids! _HEY! NO RUNNING!_" Huang Gai roared, marching through the halls.

"_STOP_ _PUSHING_!" barked Cheng Pu, joining Huang Gai.

Da Qiao shrank back in terror while Xiao Qiao managed to give Han Dang a confused stare. He smiled graciously. "I'm terribly sorry. We must be going off to our disciplinary duties. Soldiers, you know. They can never behave themselves. We've shown you the directions to the main hall, so we'll meet you there." With that, he ran to catch the miniature storm brewing, fueled by two extraordinarily gruff men.

"Where do we go?" whispered Da Qiao, tugging on her sister's sleeve. "I don't remember the Main Hall."

"I don't, either," replied Xiao Qiao. They seemed to be surrounded by a mad stampede. Were these even _people?_

Xiao Qiao didn't know if she could live in the middle of such madness for very long.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Daddy?**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Reminder that Gan Ning and Lu Xun will NOT be paired up with the Qiaos. Now … still less than two thousand words … thanks for the reviews, by the way! (I actually remember some of you! With my awesome memory skills! Which are pretty much nonexistent but they're hanging in there!)


	3. It Bites!

**Sidenotes:** I am SO sorry again if this chapter is long overdue … I really didn't have time. Truly. I finished this ASAP … I apologize in advance for it being another pile of slop. (During the summer, I'll amaze you with my brilliance and sharpness of wit! Promise:P)

**Thank you's:** All you reviewers. My thanks again.

**Warning:** _Ping-fa_ means "Art of War." Read that in this war general book my dad has …

**Style names in this chapter: **None

**Disclaimer:** Koei owns Dynasty Warriors. I do not.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Three:** It Bites!_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_Dear Diary,_

_Thanks a lot for letting Father read you and now I'm grounded and he knows EVERYTHING about my life including all the crushes and conquests and WOMEN I've had in this room which is EXTREMELY embarrassing and now my father is probably chuckling to himself this VERY INSTANT because he wants to read more and that's why he gave this back to me so he could read MORE and I'm never speaking to you again because of what you did!_

_Signed By Your Now-Ex-Author,_

Knock, knock.

Sun Ce sighed in frustration as his pen dropped onto the table, turning his head slowly towards the door. "Yes! What is it? Come in, for heaven's sake!"

The door pushed itself open a crack. Zhou Yu tentatively poked his head in through the opening. "How are you doing, Ce?"

Sun Ce covered his face with his hands, leaning against the desk with his elbows. "What do you think? Father's being mean to me for no reason! And only me! I mean, he let _you_ go as clean as a whistle! And he grounded _me_ in front of those veterans! _And_ in front of the Qiaos!"

Zhou Yu, ignoring Sun Ce's incessant ranting, strode over and snatched the leather diary from Sun Ce's desk before his sworn brother could protest. Reading the latest entry, he smirked. "That's quite a long sentence you have there."

"Shut up, Yu!" snarled Sun Ce, still fuming.

Zhou Yu carelessly tossed the diary back onto Sun Ce's desk before proceeding to cross his arms, staring at his sworn brother with that patient glare nurses are often known to give to small children. "Fine, be that way. I just came in here to tell you that it's time for dinner."

Ce nearly knocked his chair over as he leaped to claim the only freedom granted to him for three days, but Zhou Yu grabbed his arm to stop him. "What's that, Ce? I didn't hear you."

Sun Ce groaned knowingly. Rolling his eyes, he muttered, "Sorry, buddy. I'm just a little worked-up at the moment … "

"Apology accepted," smirked Zhou Yu, quickly striding out of the room with Ce right behind him.

x . x . x . x

It seemed as though an eternity had passed before the veterans returned, huffing and puffing.

"Ladies, I was almost _certain_ we showed you where the main hall was," panted Huang Gai, frowning. "Follow us."

As they turned a corner, they crossed paths with two other late arrivals: Sun Ce and Zhou Yu. Seeing Da Qiao, Sun Ce's eyes lit up and he grinned, waving as he rushed over.

"Lady Qiao! What lovely threads Fate does weave into my tapestry."

Da Qiao blushed prettily. "Such flattery."

Zhou Yu noticed from the corner of his eye that Xiao Qiao was rolling her eyes. Obviously, she was used to seeing her sister flirt. Zhou Yu himself found it to be no surprise that Sun Ce was dishing out such honey-covered words.

"We'll be late," he reminded Sun Ce, hoping that his best friend would gather his wits. Unfortunately, that almost dizzy grin never dropped from Ce's face. He never even broke eye contact with the elder Qiao.

"Ahem. Yes, we will," Cheng Pu interjected. Zhou Yu had always found Cheng Pu to be an interesting man, with a somewhat ratty voice. He never told this to the general's face, of course, for Cheng Pu was a great man for all his faults. Including that voice.

"We'd better hurry along," agreed Huang Gai. Huang Gai's voice was the opposite of Cheng Pu's, a deep-chested rumble that seemed to be either growling or roaring. Most people found him intimidating because of this, or they just found him to be downright scary. But he was a softy at heart … unless you annoyed him, that was. Then your only option would be to run for your life and pray to the dear heavens that the muscleman would take pity and let you go.

"You have beautiful eyes, Lady Qiao," Sun Ce commented softly, earning him another blush and a harsh tug from Zhou Yu.

"We're off," said the strategist firmly, dragging Sun Ce to the Main Hall. Ce, despite this, kept his eyes locked with Da Qiao until they disappeared into the open door of the main hall.

"We should get going as well," said Huang Gai finally, after a long silence. "That door there is the door to the main hall."

They neared the door, and Xiao Qiao could not help looking through the open doorway. She was met by a sight so wondrous that for a while, she felt as though she was a small child again.

The Main Hall was enormous – no, that was an understatement. It was huge. Gigantic. The ceiling was at least seventy feet from the floor, allowing the chatter and clatter of the dining soldiers to echo throughout the entire room. The room itself seemed to go on forever, so huge was it, housing at least five hundred thousand soldiers without even turning up its nose. She felt so tiny and inferior in it as they walked in, greeted quickly by lewd whistles.

_I. Hate. Soldiers,_ she thought to herself as Huang Gai tapped her shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Those three over there." She scanned the tables until she found what he was motioning towards – three men. The first, obviously a ringleader, was bare-chested and heavily tattooed as well, bracelets jingling at his wrists and bells jingling at his waist. He wore his unruly brown hair somewhat in spikes, with a wide red headband winding around his head. A pair of feathers could be seen sticking up behind his rather large pile of hair.

The second had a distinct feminine air about him, with rather womanly features on a babyish face. He wore a rather fancified hat atop his brown, fuzzy head, which caught the eye immediately with merely the slightest glance. However, it was not this that drew her attention most; it was his eyes. Some stiffnecks with no tolerance for superstition may have said they were amber, but Xiao Qiao knew that this was not the case. They were like … like … _gold_. _He has golden eyes,_ she realized in awe. _Truly. Golden eyes._

She managed to pull her gaze away from the golden-eyed boy to set her eyes upon the third man. He was rather … scruffy, she noticed, not cleanly shaven, and his thick hair was tied up into a high ponytail. Rather … strong-looking. Her eyes flickered back to the boy in the middle, but she was interrupted by Huang Gai again. "You'll have to watch out for the man with the bells most of all. He's the ringleader. He's trying to teach the other two how to charm girls as well as he does." Here Huang Gai snorted. "Rii-ght. The last girl Gan Ning tried to charm was the princess of Wu, Sun Shang Xiang, and she punched him flat in the nose when he tried to kiss her." He chuckled, recalling that vivid memory. "Anyhow, you should have figured out that the Bell Boy over there is Gan Ning, an ex-pirate. The one in the hat is Lu Xun, Zhou Yu's little pupil. And the last one is Lu Meng, a renowned warrior. At least, for _his_ age," Huang Gai added with a slight sneer.

"Where do we eat?" asked Xiao Qiao.

Huang Gai pointed to the kitchen. "Go over there, and they'll hand you something to munch on. Then just choose any table."

"Not just _any_ table," said a voice from behind. "These two lovely ladies should join _me._ I can show them a good time."

He chuckled pervertedly. Exactly the kind of guy Xiao Qiao hated. The three turned around to see that Gan Ning was staring back at them. He swung his arm around Da Qiao's neck with ease, leaning against her. "My oh my, what a pretty pony." He turned to check out Xiao Qiao. "And _you!_ What a prize!" He reached a hand out to stroke her jaw, but Xiao Qiao stubbornly shook it off.

"Ah, a stubborn little prize, I see," commented Gan Ning slyly. He looked over her shoulder and winked at something, presumably his friends. Then he looked back at Xiao Qiao.

"Don't you dare," she snarled.

"It bites," said Gan Ning, feigning hurt. "But I'll have you tamed soon enough." He pressed his fingers against her lips …

… which parted to reveal a set of strong, pearly white teeth. Teeth that chomped down on Gan Ning's fingers.

"YOWCH!" shrieked Gan Ning, jumping away from Xiao Qiao, though his arm was still wrapped around the giggle-suppressing Da Qiao. "What was that for?"

Huang Gai chuckled. "I don't know. It might be the fact that you were blatantly hitting on her."

"But girls are supposed to _like_ it when guys hit on them!" Gan Ning protested, sticking his burning fingers into his mouth to somehow lessen the pain.

"I'm not _that_ desperate!" snorted Xiao Qiao. "You're _disgusting._ You're _flirtacious._ And you deserved that bite very, very much."

"I did not!" protested Gan Ning.

"You did too!"

"I did not!"

"Oh, yes you did, Gan Ning," added a strange voice from behind.

Everybody turned to face Zhou Yu, who carried a book in one hand (the _Ping-fa_, of course) and had a tray balanced carefully on the other arm. Judging by the half-filled bowl of rice and the meager amount of chicken (plus the tiniest meatbun Xiao Qiao had ever seen) that lay atop his tray, it could be seen that the best friend of Sun Ce did not have much of an appetite. Judging by his book, it was evident that Zhou Yu spent much more time reading at the dinner table than he did eating.

"Zhou Yu!" exclaimed Gan Ning. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow cynically. "I might ask the same of you. After all, I'm not the one with his arm around the woman that Lord Sun Ce has invited to join him for dinner."

"He's _what?_" Gan Ning sprung away from Da Qiao. "Of course! She just seemed a little cold."

"Right," said Zhou Yu, unconvinced. "Don't they all." He turned to Da Qiao. "You are to join Lord Sun Ce for supper." He then faced Xiao Qiao, the corners of his mouth twitching to suppress one of his rare smiles at her feat. "And you are to join me for dinner."

_Dining with a bookworm,_ thought Xiao Qiao. _I can hardly wait._

"Bye Huang Gai," said Xiao Qiao, a bit sad to depart from the kind veteran.

"Don't act like this is my funeral," replied Huang Gai. "I'll see you tomorrow when combat starts."

_Combat! All right!_ Xiao Qiao. She could hardly wait! At last she would get a chance to prove herself as something more than a pretty face. Already her spirits were beginning to lift. It didn't matter how miserable she had been when they were under Dong Zhuo's possession. It didn't matter that Da Qiao used to cry every night when it was time to go to sleep. It didn't matter that countless men wanted them as their trophies … nothing mattered. The Qiaos sisters would finally be able to fight and stand up for themselves. _Huang Gai … some people are wonderful, no matter how scary they may seem …_

"See you then," answered Xiao Qiao, but Huang Gai was already gone. There was only Da Qiao, who looked mortified. "Combat?"

_And some people are just hopeless._ "Never mind, Da," said Xiao Qiao confidently. "We have to go accompany two generals to supper."

At these words, Da Qiao perked up. "Things are beginning to look up after all."

Xiao Qiao smiled to herself. _Indeed, they are, Da Qiao. Indeed, they are …_

Xiao Qiao stole one glance back to admire her work. She had made new friends. She knew which people to avoid. And, to top it off, she had been invited to dinner.

She had a feeling that life at the palace was about to get really exciting, and she was right, but not for ways she could have ever imagined …

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **It Bites!**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Another chapter down! Finally! And over two thousand words, too!


	4. The Book

**Sidenotes:** Sorry, drowning in schoolwork again! This one took a really long time thanks to my English project and also, my Internet hasn't been cooperating (it hates me! Sob!). School's almost out, so I hope to be updating more frequently after that. (though I warn you, I'm not going to be anywhere near a computer for a week after school ends) I apologize for the sluggish updating!

**Thank you's:** Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers :) ! Alsospecial thanks to **sideways** for helping me choose out the appearances of my OC's. Also **zhugeliangsgrl** for making me update!

**Embarrassing moment:** I swear, I am SO stupid … I put the story title as "A Story Without Historical Accuracy" in every chap when it's really "A Story Written Historically Inaccurately." (thwacks self on head) I have edited them.

**Warning:** I have looked for the name of Zhou Yu's father and could not find it, so I have invented one. Also, this is a much shorter chapter than usual. Sorry! I'll try to make the next one longer.

**Style names in this chapter:** _GONGFU_ . Huang Gai

**Disclaimer:** In no way do I claim ownership of Dynasty Warriors, which belongs to Koei.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICAL INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Four:** The Book_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Xiao Qiao was bored out of her mind.

She supposed it was her own fault. The last dinner had been so boring, she'd nearly cried. Zhou Yu had sat across from her, completely absorbed in that book of his and oblivious to all else, though he occasionally decided to show signs of life by sticking some food into his mouth.

Da Qiao had sat next to her, but was too busy flirting across the table with Sun Ce to notice. Xiao Qiao soon tired of eavesdropping. Fine, let them be head-over-heels for each other. By the end of the meal, this could not be more evident.

"Lord Sun Ce has invited me to breakfast!" squealed Da Qiao excitedly. "What shall I wear?"

"Clothes," Xiao Qiao replied tartly.

Da Qiao's eyes softened. "How was your dinner?"

"Should I be polite or honest?" spat Xiao Qiao. "A total disaster, that's what! This place is so … so … _dreary_!"

"I think it's rather nice," said Da Qiao. "Compared with our times at Dong Zhuo's … "

"That's not much of a comparison," Xiao Qiao pointed out.

"Just be thankful for what you have," sighed Da Qiao, quickening her pace. Soon she was out of sight.

Xiao Qiao's shoulders drooped. _Just one more day until combat … just one more day …_

x . x . x . x

"It's time to choose your weapon, Lady Qiao and, um … Lady Qiao."

Xiao Qiao nearly leaped into the air with excitement, but managed to contain herself. Da Qiao, on the other hand, was shrinking back in terror at the sight of rows and rows of glinting blades.

"Who makes these?" asked Xiao Qiao.

"The swordsmiths," answered Huang Gai, "though occasionally, a master swordsmith famous throughout the entire land makes a weapon especially for someone. Sometimes we generals make some of our own weapons, too, though they aren't very … usable." Huang Gai motioned to a hideously-disfigured spearhead, bent and marred, nicked and chipped, consistently grosteque throughout its misshapen form. "That was my first project," he admitted sheepishly.

"Can I try that one?" Xiao Qiao requested, pointing to a beautiful sword that seemed to glint with the pale sheen of moonlight.

"I think it's too heavy for you," said Huang Gai cautiously.

"No, it isn't!" protested Xiao Qiao, grabbing the sword by its hilt and lifting it off the wall. "Uggh!" she moaned as the sword carried her arm to the ground with a heavy clink. It really _was_ heavy.

Huang Gai held his tongue to keep the, "I told you so" from escaping, instead taking long strides over and easily taking the sword from her hand. He lifted it like it weighed hardly more than a bronze coin, placing it back on its hook on the wall.

"Let's try something light. Sabers, perhaps? A dagger?" Huang Gai walked straight past the rows of glistening, elegant swords. Instead, he carefully examined a bunch of short, stubby _miniature_ swords!

"I don't want a tiny sword," sniffed Xiao Qiao. Da Qiao nudged her. At times like these, it was easy to see who exactly was the baby sister of the two.

"I think the rods, swords, and polearms are all too heavy for you ladies," Huang Gai pointed out. "That leaves the sabers, daggers … or you can have a custom weapon made."

"What's a custom weapon?" asked Xiao Qiao.

"It's a special weapon made just for you," Huang Gai replied. "A special _kind_ of weapon, mind you. I can put in a request for the blacksmiths if you have something in mind."

"I want something ladylike," interjected Da Qiao, speaking for the first time that day.

"Like what?" asked Huang Gai.

"Something … light," admitted Da Qiao. "Something elegant. Something I can handle fluidly, without thinking."

"Like your fans?" Xiao Qiao pointed out.

"Yes, exactly like …" Da Qiao paused. "I want a pair of fans."

"Very well," said Huang Gai. "I'll place a request today. You can use wooden sabers for today."

x . x . x . x

Zhou Yu raced out onto the training field, still clutching his precious _Ping-fa_, as soon as Huang Gai and the girls stepped on it. "Gongfu, have you gone _mad?_"

Huang Gai crossed his arms, quite used to having to generate quick, snappy responses. "Me? Go mad? Never! Being insane's quite enough for me. Why do you ask?"

"Well, your insanity is obviously clouding your judgement," Zhou Yu snapped, motioning to the Qiao sisters. They were each clutching a wooden saber in each hand, eyes darting nervously to and fro as they observed the ferocity of the other soldiers practicing swordsmanship. "Girls have no place on the battlefield."

"Sexist," muttered Xiao Qiao.

"Excuse me?"

"You're a sexist," repeated Xiao Qiao. "Women can fight _just_ as well as men can! Right, Da?"

Da Qiao was already hiding behind Huang Gai.

Xiao Qiao groaned and rolled her eyes. "In any case, I stand by my opinions."

"Right." Zhou Yu quickly brushed her off. "Huang Gai, do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Umm … there's a squirrel living on the roof of the horseshed," offered Huang Gai.

"Let me rephrase that. _Anything pertaining to letting the Qiao sisters learn combat?_"

"They need to learn to defend themselves," answered Huang Gai, shrugging. "I thought it'd be a good idea. Besides, there's nothing to do here unless you're a soldier. Everybody knows that chaos is bound to happen with Dong Zhuo out of the picture. Men will pop out of their villages and proclaim themselves the next Emperor of the Han! If they don't know how to protect themselves … well, they're the Qiaos. You can connect the dots!"

"We have sufficient experience and more-than-sufficient credentials to keep them safe," Zhou Yu pointed out. "We are reliable. We are trained to protect others. Does this exclude the Qiaos?"

"Excuse me," interrupted Xiao Qiao as politely as she could muster. "Would this conversation be occurring if Da and I were men?"

"Xiao …" Da Qiao said warningly.

"Exactly!" cried Xiao Qiao. "Sister's here warning me to be silent. On the other hand, if I had been a _man_ and had spoken up, I would be warned for my cheek but marked for my courage to speak up for myself!"

"Excuse me?" Zhou Yu couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"Instead, I'm being yelled at for picking up a stupid wooden sword! _SEXIST!_"

"Xiao!" hissed Da Qiao, elbowing her younger sister.

"Nobody here is sexist, Lady Qiao," Zhou Yu tried.

"Nobody here EXCEPT MAYBE _YOU!_" shrieked Xiao Qiao.

"Xiao, that is _enough!_" scolded Da Qiao.

"He's a SEXIST! He has a MALE BIAS! HE'S AN _EGO FREAK!_" Once Xiao Qiao was angry, she could not be stopped.

"What?" Zhou Yu was still struck dumb. _Nobody_—especially a lady—spoke like that, not even to people like Gan Ning. And that was saying quite a lot.

"NOT LETTING US FIGHT WOULD BE LIKE … LIKE …" Xiao Qiao's eyes strayed to Zhou Yu's book. "… LIKE NOT LETTING YOU READ FROM THAT STUPID BOOK THAT YOUR NOSE IS ALWAYS STUCK IN! DO YOU KRAZY-GLUE IT EVERY MORNING?"

"Why, th-that's ridiculous!" spat Zhou Yu. "Your fighting has _nothing_ to do with my book!"

"WILL YOU LET US FIGHT THEN?" demanded Xiao Qiao so shrilly that Huang Gai found himself squeezing his eyes shut and firmly lodging his fingers deep within his ears.

"NO!" Zhou Yu yelled. "What do you think I am? _Crazy?_"

"WELL, THEN, YOU WON'T MIND_ THIS!_" snapped Xiao Qiao, snatching the book straight from his hands before he could protest. She paused, fuming, before promptly ripping the book straight in half.

Zhou Yu's eyes erupted into smoldering flames as the halves were shredded into quarters, then eighths, until they were finally just a bunch of torn pieces dancing with the wind.

"THERE!" Xiao Qiao declared. "_NOW_ DO YOU WANT TO STOP US FROM FIGHTING?"

Zhou Yu drew his steel sword, swinging it in a perfect silver arc with speed that a fairy would be envious of. But Huang Gai was faster. The Shadow Rod prevented Zhou Yu from even touching Xiao Qiao.

"ZHOOUU YUU!" the veteran roared.

"THAT LITTLE _WITCH_ JUST RIPPED MY BOOK!" snarled Zhou Yu. "I SHOULD _KILL_--"

"It's only a book! STOP IT!" Huang Gai interlocked their weapons and pushed the strategist back. "**_STOP, I SAID!_**"

Huang Gai's power was so strong that Zhou Yu was forced onto the ground. "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND! YOU'RE _JUST_ AS BAD AS _HER!_"

"IT'S _ONLY_ A BOOK!" screamed Huang Gai, trying to drill his point into Zhou Yu's head.

At last, there was silence. For a minute, all Zhou Yu did was stare at Huang Gai, anger etched deep within every one of his features. Then he broke the gaze and got up, dusting off his clothes in a defeated manner.

"Forget it," he muttered. "I have tried. But I can't expect you to understand."

Zhou Yu left the training field quietly, making his way back to where he had been before his chaotic encounter.

A piece of paper fluttered past Huang Gai, who reached out and caught it before it could blow away. Then he carefully uncrumpled it and scanned it for writing, brow furrowing as he read the contents of the fragment.

_To my dear son for his sixteenth birthday._

_Zhou Shen_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **The Book**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Read and review.


	5. Sun Shang Xiang's Secret

**Sidenotes:** I tried to finish this ASAP so there wouldn't be another late chapter! Sorry for all the delays! Now that school is over, I hope I can get in lightning-quick updates. However, I have SAT class, a booklist from my mother that easily tops one hundred, church events, birthday parties, tennis lessons, drawing lessons, and music lessons (not to mention things like band camp and band events that I must attend). I hope you guys will understand if updates don't come as fast as you expected them to. And sorry if this chapter isn't my best … rather lame in fact … I was gone for a whole week and tried to make it up to you guys. Sorry!

**Thank you's:** Heh, once again I have to thank all you people who read and reviewed (smiles) I'm glad you stuck around. That last update took about a month ... this one took a pretty long time as well …

**Pairings:** I've thought a bit and decided that making it **GAN NING x SUN SHANG XIANG x LIU BEI** would be rather interesting. (wink)

**Warning:** I have NO idea how Chinese weddings are supposed to go … sorry for inaccuracy in that department!

**Style names in this chapter:** NONE

**Disclaimer:** Dynasty Warriors. Copyrighted to Koei.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Five:** Sun Shang Xiang's Secret_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Throughout the following weeks, there was some sort of a mutual bond between Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao.

Otherwise known as two-way hate.

Whenever one stepped within a ten-foot radius of the other, an immediate insult-off would ensue. Between the screams of, "NERD!" and, "EVIL WITCH!", one might not have time to catch breath. Indeed, it was lucky for both of them that Huang Gai barged in two minutes into each argument to break them apart, or else they would have passed out every day for two weeks straight from lack of air.

By that time, judging by how Xiao Qiao was treating a man much more popular with women than he himself was, Gan Ning knew better than to try to light another nonexistent spark with Xiao Qiao. Hell, he was still recovering from that nasty chomp she had given him that while back. If any glimpse of her shimmering white teeth (though Gan Ning wouldn't have phrased them so; he dubbed them "the deadly fangs") could be spotted in so much as a courteous smile, Gan Ning would run off practically crying for his mommy.

Well, not quite. But sprinting as fast as he could go and clutching his bells as to silence their trademark jingling, Gan Ning did not exactly strike the undaunted figure of a brave, valiant hero that most might expect him to be.

It was really quite a pity that nobody besides his two closest friends spotted him fleeing for his fingers' sake every time he happened to near the younger Qiao lady. Otherwise, his reputation as the fearful Gan Ning of the Bells might have been kicked down into a sewer to rot.

Other than that, life at Jiang Dong was quite pleasant.

Sun Ce and Da Qiao fell more in love with each other with every passing moment. As soon as he was finished serving his term of confinement, he spent all his free time in the garden with his love. This, of course, being the Sun Ce who had previously dubbed flowers "boring, colorful pieces of crap" and had thrown rocks at his sister whenever she went to admire them (which, of course, was possibly the dumbest thing anyone could ever do. Who else but an idiot would throw rocks at the hot-tempered princess of Wu? Exactly.) Of course, as soon as Da Qiao spoke of her love for flowers, Sun Ce suddenly discovered his own insatiable passion for these vibrant blooms.

He also discovered a love for poetry, leading to many gruesome, torturous experiences for the poor Zhou Yu.

"How's this poem?" Sun Ce would ask, proceeding to recite,

"_Da Qiao, I really love you.  
Without you, I feel blue.  
I like your beautiful hair.  
It reminds me of a bear.  
Your eyes are so big  
Like a pig doing a jig!  
I love you, Da Qiao …_

… say, Zhou Yu, do you have a rhyme for 'Qiao'?"

Zhou Yu discovered a new hobby that day: throwing dinner trays at his sworn brother.

So it was really no surprise that one day, Lord Sun Jian announced plans for a wedding.

… well, depending on _your_ point of view.

x . x . x . x

"Sun Ce, Zhou Yu … you two are getting married."

"_What?_" asked Zhou Yu, in disbelief.

"To each_ other?_" gagged Sun Ce.

Zhou Yu rolled his eyes at Sun Ce. "Idiot! Obviously not! _You're _getting married to the Lady Da Qiao! But why am _I_ getting married?"

"There are two Qiaos, naturally," replied Sun Jian, acting as though the answer was obvious. "When Sun Ce requested to marry the elder one, I naturally assumed that Zhou Yu, his sworn brother, wished to marry the younger one."

Huang Gai exerted an unbelievable amount of self-control, suppressing the urge to slap himself on the forehead. Hard. _Those_ two, get _married_? With a flying pig to stand witness, maybe!

"I have no desire to wed Lady Xiao Qiao," stated Zhou Yu flatly.

"It's too late. The wedding's already been arranged. Besides, you need a wife, Zhou Yu."

Zhou Yu's jaw dropped. "A _wife_, maybe! But not _her!_"

"Oh, come on!" burst in Sun Ce. "You two make SUCH a cute couple!"

Zhou Yu glared icily at his best friend. His gaze then drifted back to Sun Jian, where he attempted to be sincere. "My lord, I understand your intentions. However, to have me wed Lady Xiao Qiao is not--"

"Do you dare defy your lord?" boomed Sun Jian in imperious tones.

"Of course not, my lord," Zhou Yu replied hastily. "I was merely--"

"Get out, all you ungrateful beings. Out! --no, Huang Gai, I meant for _you_ to stay. The rest of you, out!"

As Zhou Yu and Sun Ce both exited, grumbling, they passed by Sun Shang Xiang, who was leaning by the doorway to the room.

"Shang?" asked Sun Ce, caught by surprise.

"Ooh, look. It's the Big Boys getting married to the Qiaos!" Sun Shang Xiang then proceeded to slap Sun Ce across the face before tearfully running off.

"…why is she angry?" Zhou Yu was a bit confused.

"Damn, Zhou Yu, have you been living in a hole your entire life?" Sun Ce rubbed his tender cheek. "Shang's had a crush on you since, like, the beginning of time. I think she wanted me to set you two up."

"Really?" Zhou Yu blushed, a bit caught off-guard.

"Why? Does she make you feel all _topsy-turvy_ inside, Yu-ie uddlums?"

"Shut up!" laughed Zhou Yu, elbowing Sun Ce so hard that the heir of Wu staggered nearly the length of the entire hallway.

x . x . x . x

The next day, Sun Ce sat in the garden as usual, waiting for his love to wander in and keep him company.

_Beautiful Da … lovely Da …_ Sun Ce began to imagine himself kissing her with all his passion and love, holding her, making her his own—

WHACK!

"Ow!" yelped Sun Ce, jolted back into reality with a rather well-aimed throw to the back of his head. He leaned down to pick up the culprit, a rather sharp and sizable rock lying on the ground near the bench he sat upon. Ce didn't need to think twice to know who had thrown it. "SHANG!"

"I thought this place was too _girly_ for Manly Men to step in, Big Guy," laughed Sun Shang Xiang, mischievous green eyes glittering brightly as she waved from behind a pillar.

"… so you've forgotten about yesterday?" Sun Ce proposed hopefully, turning around to face his little sister.

"Men are jerks," replied Sun Shang Xiang, carelessly tossing her boyish brunette haircut out of her eyes. "After all, I've had the privilege to live with so many idiots, it could make one burst into tears."

"And Zhou Yu was _different_, wasn't he?" teased Sun Ce.

In response, another rock came hurtling at Sun Ce, who barely had time to react before he was nailed squarely in the forehead.

"What? Just asking." Sun Ce attempted an innocent grin, though the pain took over and he soon found himself kneading his skull in a feeble attempt to alleviate it. "Damn, Shang, you've gotten good!"

"A bit of repayment for all those years you kicked me out of the garden," answered Sun Shang Xiang, a childish smile spread over her features.

"Have you been practicing?" Sun Ce winced.

"Of course."

"Go to hell!"

"I love you too, Big Bro." Sun Shang Xiang blew a kiss before she scampered off into the fortress, making her way through the halls.

Along the way, she happened to bump into a very … interesting character. Named Xiao Qiao.

x . x . x . x

"Ouch!" Xiao Qiao quickly recoiled, examining this … boy? It looked like a boy, an extraordinarily-pretty one at that, and a rather elfin one as well. "Get away from me, you perv!"

"My name is Sun Shang Xiang," said the boy crossly. "Otherwise known as the _princess_ of Wu."

"Oh. Well, then, hello there. Princess."

"You're Lady Xiao Qiao, aren't you?"

"That's me. Are you Sun Ce's little sister?"

Sun Shang Xiang grinned. "_Somebody_ has to beat up on him. Quan-Quan's a wimp."

"I hear you are skilled in battle."

"Why, thank you," said Sun Shang Xiang, genuinely flattered. "I hear you're to marry Zhou Yu."

"WHAT!"

"…I take it you two aren't on very good terms."

"I CAN'T _BELIEVE_ IT!"

Sun Shang Xiang shrugged. "Yu-ie didn't sound too thrilled, either."

"You'll have to excuse me!" Xiao Qiao nearly shouted, giving off steam as she marched down the hall to find Zhou Yu.

x . x . x . x

"Lord Sun Jian, I must question your judgement on this decision," stated Huang Gai bluntly. "I mean, the two despise each other."

"It has to be better than some of young Gongjin's previous choices," returned Sun Jian, sounding unfocused as he gazed off into the distance.

Huang Gai paused. "This can't be because of--"

"Lady Li Mei has _everything_ to do with it."

"Was it because of her?"

Sun Jian turned to face his loyal vassal. "I have assigned her to tend to some duties elsewhere. Her face shall not be seen until after the two are wed."

"This is to keep that predator off him, isn't it."

"That's a fine way to state it." Sun Jian sounded wistful as he spoke. "I have assigned Cheng Pu to train Da Qiao. You are to train Xiao Qiao. The two wish to fight; I must grant it to them."

"Yes, milord." Huang Gai bowed respectfully, biting his tongue to stop himself from correcting his lord. Sure, Xiao Qiao may want to fight, but Da Qiao? … not really.

"However, they must take lessons as well, just as any soldier must," added Sun Jian. "There are several men to do it, but only one who is truly destined for greatness: Zhou Yu himself. If he is not too busy teaching young Lu Xun, he will be assigned to that duty. If not, Lu Su is the alternative."

"I understand, milord." Huang Gai kept his head lowered.

"I understand that Zhou Yu and Lady Xiao Qiao are not on the most diplomatic terms. Marriages are commonly arranged to complete strangers. At the very least, they are acquainted with one another."

"Yes, milord." Huang Gai did not know what else to say.

"It was a better option than Lady Li Mei."

"When shall she be back?"

"In two days' time. Thus, the wedding must be held tomorrow."

"_Tomorrow?_" Huang Gai did not even bother to conceal his shock.

"Hopefully, this shall cut Zhou Yu away from all distractions. Including Lady Li Mei."

Speechless, Huang Gai managed to sputter out, "Of course, m-milord."

x . x . x . x

**One Day Later**

"A double wedding! Hooray!" cheered Sun Ce, pecking Da Qiao on the lips. She blushed, lips curving into a delicate smile.

"What a joyous occasion," Zhou Yu muttered sarcastically, rubbing the ugly pink scratch marks that ran across his otherwise-perfect cheek.

"Cheer up!" Sun Ce beamed. "At least there'll be _one_ happy couple there."

"Do you seek death?" Zhou Yu only glared at Sun Ce from the corner of his eye, still slouched against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Stop sulking! Today is my _wedding!_ Oh, what beautiful fragrances the autumn air doth send forth!"

"Just to let you know, it's spring."

"Stop ruining my moments!" Sun Ce rolled his eyes impatiently. "Why are you in such a bad mood anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Zhou Yu dryly. "Perhaps it's because I'm getting married to my worst enemy. Perhaps it's because I'll have to share a bed for the REST OF MY LIFE with the woman who _destroyed my property_! Or it could be because that very girl thinks that I wanted this to happen and decided it'd be just _lovely_ to give me a marital gift!" Zhou Yu pointed to the scratches, still scowling.

"Zhou Yu, as far as I know, the world's not coming to an end," Sun Ce pointed out. "Quit your whining."

Zhou Yu sucked in his breath, closing his eyes to restrain himself before throwing a dinner plate on the ground.

Being but a piece of pottery, the plate shattered with a horrendous noise, spreading shards all over the tidy hallway.

Sun Ce's eyes widened. Zhou Yu _never_ lost his temper. And he meant never.

"…are you okay, Yu?" asked Sun Ce, treading cautiously.

"She destroyed my father's book," Zhou Yu said faintly, in almost a whisper. His head pounded, sweat beaded his brow.

Sun Ce knew when to back off and leave his best friend alone. And he did, taking the confused Da Qiao with him.

x . x . x . x

"Lord Sun Ce, you are now officially wed to Lady Da Qiao. You may now kiss, make merry … "

No sooner had those words been said that Sun Ce practically ripped off the veil covering Da Qiao's face and engaged her in a kiss. It wasn't their first, sure, but it was supposed to be.

"And Master Zhou Yu, you are now officially wed to Lady Xiao Qiao. You may now kiss … "

Zhou Yu cringed. _Why me?_

"Master Zhou Yu, you may now kiss your wife."

Zhou Yu nearly screamed with the effort to restrain himself and appear slightly happy with the prospect. He stepped in closer, looking straight into Xiao Qiao's eyes. They shone with disgust. Zhou Yu was sure that his looked the same.

There was a fire raging in his body, spreading from his flaming stomach to the tips of his burning fingers, scorching his toenails, blazing through his ears.

"You may now kiss your wife," repeated the man impatiently. There was silence, as the audience anticipated a romantic, loving display of affection from both concerned parties.

The fire became too much. Zhou Yu clutched his stomach and groaned. Its rancid flames sliced through his consciousness – and all was black.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Sun Shang Xiang's Secret**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: There's the identity of one of the OC's revealed. I sign off again with a dramatic flourish.


	6. Lady Li Mei

**Sidenotes:** Okay, guys. The first day of writing this chapter, my mom was whining about my "noisy" computer chair (she was downstairs and could hear the noise since my room is upstairs), so this chapter was partly brought to you from this author's knees (which I was sitting on instead). The second part was brought to you after watching a Korean drama. Then I listened to music. So if this chapter is a bit swingy … hey, I really tried :P

Also, I haven't been able to use the Internet for a bit due to a computer virus that won't go away. I have no idea where I got it from.

**Thank you's:** Again, all you R 'n R-ers. Whee! You guys are the best!

**Warning:** Umm … sorry SSX fans, I guess she's been unfairly excluded from this chapter. Don't worry, she'll be in the next one. That's a promise! Also, sorry if you wanted a Xiao Qiao fight scene. I had one in the first draft, but that first draft sure was lame. And … gosh, this chap was lame anyway. Sorry! Don't kill me!

**Style names in this chapter:** _GONGFU _.Huang Gai

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dynasty Warriors. Koei does. I shall not attempt to discredit their copyright.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Six:** Lady Li Mei_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Zhou Yu awoke buried beneath thin, white sheets on a pallet that was possibly even thinner. _Where am I?_ he thought faintly, trying to piece together the bland walls and dull ceiling. He had seen this place of course. Then it came to him, and he might have slapped his forehead had stars not been bursting all over his vision. He closed his eyes, though they opened instantly as people began to speak to him – and their heads began to pop in above his head, staring down at him as though he was some sort of show at a circus.

"Master Zhou Yu! You have awaken!" cried Cheng Pu, delighted. "You gave all the wedding guests quite a fright, staging that dramatic faint in front of everyo--"

"Zhou Yu, you IDIOT!" interrupted Sun Ce, shoving Cheng Pu (and his head) out of the way. "I _told_ you to bandage that wound you got during that mission of ours, but did you listen? NO!"

" … hmm?" Zhou Yu was more than a bit puzzled, eyes darting about until he caught sight of Lu Su, who instead of sticking his head above Zhou Yu's, stood politely to the side, calm and soothing as usual. Surprisingly so, seeing how Cheng Pu and Sun Ce were now engaged in what appeared to be a shoving match, though Zhou Yu pushed aside their arguing voices, focusing in on Lu Su's.

"Master Zhou Yu, it is a pleasure to see your return to consciousness," said Lu Su politely, bowing. "You had received a wound somewhere along your abdomen that had become infected. It is quite unfortunate that such an injury interrupted your wedding. Am I correct in the assumption that you felt a burning around your stomach before your collapse?"

Zhou Yu blinked and looked back up towards the ceiling, where he could watch Sun Ce and Cheng Pu continue to argue incessantly. Sighing, he let the back of his hand rest atop his forehead. He was immediately disgusted by the dampness he felt. _I've been sweating_. Closing his eyes, he thought to himself: _Is a little peace … too much to ask?_

"Sir, how am I to take my lessons now?" asked Lu Xun, his head popping in Zhou Yu's field of vision, moving into a space free of Cheng Pu and Sun Ce. "Lord Sun Jian says that I have not much to learn from Master Lu Su, respectively."

"And guess what?" asked Sun Ce, suddenly remembering something. It was suddenly enough to abruptly bring an end to the fight he had been having with Cheng Pu. "The Lady You-Know-Who shall return today from her errands and duties."

Zhou Yu suddenly had the urge to fall unconscious again.

"Lady Xiao Qiao sends you her good wishes, by the way," called Huang Gai's voice from the doorway, just as Zhou Yu considered falling into another swoon.

_Riight. I'm sure about THAT one._ Zhou Yu bit the inside of his lip to keep from rolling his eyes. No, fainting again would be out of the question. He had to appear dignified to make up for some people, i.e. Sun Ce and Cheng Pu, just to name a few.

"Move, please," he ordered quietly. Immediately, the circle of heads cleared as the people stepped back, out of the way. Zhou Yu sat up, leaning on his arms for support, before speaking again.

"I apologize, dear Cheng Pu, for shocking any wedding guests," he said calmly. "I apologize for being far too busy dealing with confidential and important business to bandage my wound, Sun Ce."

"Stop turning my words against me!" pouted Sun Ce.

_Oh dear,_ thought Zhou Yu. Despite his age and position, Sun Ce did sometimes act rather like a big, spoiled baby.

"Well done; your assumptions are correct, dear Lu Su," he continued. "And Lu Xun, I feel well enough to continue your lessons tomorrow. Today, simply review yesterday's teachings."

Lu Su bowed his head in respect, pleased to have received a compliment from the normally-strict rising star Zhou Yu. Lu Xun only nodded, lowering his eyes and blushing.

In fact, everyone seemed to be either lowering or averting their eyes. Except the nurses, who were either giggling or ogling.

Zhou Yu looked down. He was wearing a loose white robe (rather like a bathrobe), but the string that fastened the middle together was so loose that it had allowed the sides to come loose as well, exposing most of his bare chest.

A growl resonated through the very back of his throat. Using one hand to hold the folds of the robe together as to regain partial modesty, he nearly shot out of bed, bolting straight out the door to get dressed in his own chambers as he muttered incoherently to himself.

"_Women_!"

x . x . x . x

"Now, Lady Da Qiao! Attack me with all you've got!" roared Huang Gai.

He received a squeak in reply.

_Oh, fires of hell … so THIS is why Cheng Pu wanted to stay in the infirmary … poor man, assigned to this puny little flowerchild …_

"Come on, Lady Qiao! There is no room neither pity nor weakness in battle!"

Da Qiao held up a pair of beautiful red fans, so beautiful that they perfectly matched her famous face. Almost like dancing fans they were, the kind Da Qiao had used in her post-marital performance, except for one crucial difference: the edges were razor-sharp and quite deadly.

"Hit me! Once!"

A fan clumsily scraped the side of his shield, screeching with that awful sound of claws against glass.

"I am running out of patience, Lady Da Qiao! Strike me with all you have!"

Another pitiful swing came towards the mighty veteran, snagging upon his Shadow Rod.

"We don't have all day!"

Da Qiao merely cowered.

Huang Gai tried his best to hide his frustration. "I AM DONG ZHUO!" he bellowed, running through his last resources.

Executing a perfect whirl, Da Qiao nearly caught Huang Gai off guard as she began to execute perfect combos, perfect twists, perfect attack sequences. Her eyes burned fiercer, her spirit was unquenchable.

She was a lady demon.

_Hard to believe that a minute ago, she was just a wimpy little woman,_ thought Huang Gai proudly.

But just two minutes later, when the fire had worn down and Da Qiao was once again reduced to the equivalent of a helpless little mouse, Huang Gai rolled his eyes.

_Wimpy is an understatement. Oh, where oh where is a REAL fighter?_

And as if by cue, the doors of the palace flung wide open and a a beautiful, confident woman clad in red and seated atop a horse galloped through. Her chestnut steed skidded to a stop, raising a dust cloud as she gracefully flipped her long, beautiful dark hair over her shoulder.

Right upon seeing her, one could tell immediately that she was one of those young women that made other young women feel insignificant, no matter their social status or beauty. Indeed, even Da Qiao, who was famous for her own looks, grew uneasy in this strange woman's presence. She was simply _stunning_. A golden headband, looking spindly (though in an elegant way) went from ear to ear atop her silken head. Right above her right ear, attached to the headband, was a pair of lightly violet flowers, rendered perfectly out of the finest silk. Those eyes were more like orbs, dark and entrancing, while those lips could have compared to a jewel, smooth and colored a light, fragrant red.

Her dress were long-sleeved and red, adorned with wispy golden patterns and ending mid-knee to flaunt a pair of flawless legs. A fragile-looking rapier hung from her willowy waist, while from her shoulder a pack of arrows as well as a beautiful yet deadly crossbow were slung.

"I have returned," she announced, dismounting as the practicing soldiers dropped their wooden swords and gaped in awe. "Where is Zhou Yu?"

x . x. x. x

Zhou Yu paced the length of his chambers with his head cradled in his hands, panicking. "She's here!"

Sun Ce rolled his eyes, disgusted. "Of course she's here! Uggh. That despicable little … anyhow, at least now you have an excuse to hide behind."

"An excuse?" Zhou Yu swept the hair from his eyes, pausing mid-step.

"Of course, dummy!" Sun Ce flashed him a grin. "You're married, remember?"

A smile lightened Zhou Yu's features. "Of course … I suppose this marriage arrangement might be of some use after all."

A guard made his way in, kneeling in front of Zhou Yu. "Master Zhou Yu, a woman who calls herself Lady Li Mei has arrived."

x . x . x . x

All the generals were already out to greet the lady by the time Zhou Yu had arrived, with the exception of just a handful. Zhou Yu instantly took his place next to Xiao Qiao, who scowled in return.

Li Mei was trying to meet his gaze, but Zhou Yu refused, simply looking to the side in a contemplative manner.

"Zhou Yu." The voice was sweeter than honey …

… and more poisonous than, well, _poison._

Zhou Yu sighed. "Yes, Lady?"

"I have returned." Her strawberry-colored lips curved into a smile.

"So I've noticed. What of it?"

"You were always the clever one." She smiled, pressing a slender hand to his chest.

Zhou Yu took a step backwards. "No, Lady. Sun Jian made me a strategist due to my insurpassable stupidity."

Lady Li Mei chuckled. "And witty, too."

"We were barely apart five days." Zhou Yu was impatient and also slightly embarrassed. This snake was staging a show of affections in front of everyone – including his own superiors! He bit his lip, trying to keep his face from burning, which it was. _Please, Lord Sun Jian … do not take any notice … please!_

"Every day is an eternity spent without you," retorted Lady Li Mei with a playful smile. "And you must not have noticed. I was gone for many weeks before that visiting my bedridden grandfather." Her features expressed the deepest sadness. "He passed away."

"For that, I am truly regretful," replied Zhou Yu genuinely, attempting to politely brush her off. "Now, I have business to attend to."

"What sort of business?" asked Li Mei, unslinging the bow and arrows from her shoulder and letting them drop to the floor. "Surely I am involved. My skills surpass that of the princess. And Sun Shang Xiang isn't the captain of all archer units."

It was lucky for her that Sun Shang Xiang was not in attendance, or else she may have suffered a beating at the hands of the princess she had "surpassed."

"Do not flatter yourself. It is nothing of importance, lest you strive to teach young Lu Xun as well." Zhou Yu made as though to walk away, but Li Mei knew better, grabbing onto his arm.

"Liar! Lu Xun's lessons are never this early! They are in two hours, at most! Why do you avoid me?" Her voice cracked on the last sentence, her eyes pleading with him. "Do not despise me! Zhou Yu! I love you!" Tears overflowed from her beautiful eyes, spilling down her cheeks. The lady promptly threw her head against his chest, clinging to him. "Please, do not forsake me …" she sobbed.

Zhou Yu only stood there, motionless, expressionless, as cold as ever. _What an embarrassing moment!_ "Kindly remove yourself from my presence."

"Why?" wailed Li Mei, tightening her hold on him.

"Because … because …" A triumphant look begaen to take over the woman's face as she realized she was slowly winning, and Zhou Yu's resolve strengthened as he remembered Xiao Qiao's scowl. _Of course! I actually have an excuse now!_ "Because I am a married man," replied Zhou Yu, watching as Li Mei, horrified, dropped to the ground, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. "You … y-you …"

"I shall now take my leave."

"No!" she cried, reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand. "Who? Who is the woman you love?"

Zhou Yu's face seemed to be stone. "I never said I loved a woman; I simply stated a fact. I am married. Lady Li Mei, this is the Lady Xiao Qiao, my wife."

"Y-you … have m-married a Qiao, then?"

Zhou Yu gave her a barely discernable nod.

Lady Li Mei rose to her feet, giving Zhou Yu a good slap across the face. "How could you betray me like this?"

Gathering her skirts, she ran off to another part of the palace, weeping loudly.

Zhou Yu looked up to the sky, muttering a silent plea to the heavens that nobody important would ever remember this particular event. He looked down to see that the lady had left her bow and arrows lying there in abandonment.

x . x . x . x

"Hey! Stop dragging me!" protested Xiao Qiao as Huang Gai, using his superior might, hoisted the girl over his shoulder and followed Cheng Pu and Han Dang through the various twists and turns of the Wu palace, until they reached the weapons room.

When they had arrived, Huang Gai abruptly deposited Xiao Qiao on the ground.

"What is it?" she asked.

Huang Gai looked towards his comrades. "She's Zhou Yu's wife. I think it's time she learned about the Great B--"

"Language," reminded Han Dang, grinning.

A memory stirred in Xiao Qiao's brain. _Of course! They mentioned something about a Great B on the first day …_

"What's the Great B?" asked Xiao Qiao.

"Well … 'B' is the first letter of a rude insult," explained Cheng Pu.

"Oh. Yeah … _that_ word." Xiao Qiao remembered her father's insistence that rude words should stay out of the mouths of dignified ladies and certainly out of their households. He tended to get his way, hence the reason why he went through eleven different pageboys one particular year. But his restrictions didn't keep her from knowing the words and their context (though not their meanings) and using them in her imagination to silently curse her enemies.

One could almost imagine young Xiao Qiao lying in bed at night, pouting as she, not fully knowing the meaning of that particular insult, thought fiercely, _Zhou Yu, you B--!_

"When we said the, 'Great B', we meant one of our nicknames for that woman you just met earlier."

Xiao Qiao nodded. _That_ woman, though she didn't see what was so bad about a woman Zhou Yu had probably been unfaithful to by marrying Xiao Qiao herself.

"Anyhow …" Cheng Pu continued. "At first, she came to this kingdom because her grandfather had been an old friend of Sun Jian's father, and her parents had both passed away. Her grandfather sent her here, not wanting to care for her. She was strikingly beautiful, captivating men at first sight. At the time, Sun Ce was off cavorting with another girl, so he was spared. We veterans were too old and, well, weary of ogling. Lord Sun Jian had no wish to take on another wife. Sun Quan was much too young, though he found a place for her beauty in his own heart as well. Sun Shang Xiang? Well, she never truly liked the Lady's arrogance, but it was only after a while that she began to hate her."

"And?" Xiao Qiao asked, just to keep the story moving.

"When Li Mei first met Zhou Yu, it was love at first sight," Cheng Pu explained. "Well, at least for her. He was an obvious choice: young, smart, and extraordinarily handsome. Zhou Yu … he had no eyes for her. But gradually, she won over his affections. By then, the two were deeply in love. Or so we thought."

"And," Han Dang added, "everyone in the palace was in full support."

"Of course!" exclaimed Huang Gai. "We had no reason to doubt their romance. Why, we believed the two would be happily married with children in no time! In fact, that headband was a gift from him. He made it with his own two hands. Practically a wedding gift, in our eyes."

"But Sun Ce never trusted her," sighed Cheng Pu. "We thought it to be foolishness, but his instincts proved to be correct – the Lady Li Mei abruptly left Zhou Yu for another man, subsequently breaking the young Zhou Yu's heart. Zhou Yu retreated into the library (back then, he did not yet have his own) for a full week. Then he emerged, icier than a frozen river. He declared that he would never again let her into his heart, or any woman, for that matter. No more love, no more romance for Zhou Yu. He would never fall victim to love again."

"Since then, she's treated him as more of a game than a person," Huang Gai finished. "She wants him back. For what reason, I haven't the faintest idea. But I guess he really did want her out of his life, tired of her antics. This hasn't stopped her from trying, and I don't ever think anything will."

"Now we generals all despise that woman," Cheng Pu spat. "That little … well, you know. Hence the nickname 'Great B--.'"

"She did that?" wondered Xiao Qiao aloud, clearly astonished. The picture in her mind of that helpless, brokenhearted woman that had shed all those tears for Zhou Yu stuck in her mind. It wasn't true. Zhou Yu probably broke _her_ heart. "_That_ lady? The Lady Li Mei?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Han Dang crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Believe us, it's true."

"One last thing," Cheng Pu interrupted. "Well, her name is Li Mei, as I'm sure you know, but everyone – that is, everyone worth knowing – calls her Ma for short."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Lady Li Mei**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Ooh … bwahahaha! Sound familiar, readers of the original? I've changed her role slightly, but you get the idea.

She's back! (drumroll)

Oh, I am _soo_ evil …

By the way, kudos to **RWT** for correct assumptions about her return.


	7. First Kiss

**Sidenotes:** This chapter wasn't done very fast … because I didn't start it early enough … which was a bad idea because I had to cram for my geometry test (uggg, my dad goes a bit too far on this whole summer math gig) and take all these tutoring tests … add that to places I have to go and my own personal laziness as well … so I apologize! (How lame was that? Yeesh. Need to work on my delivery skills) And lol, I left the last chapter off on such a nice cliffy that when I came back a while later to write this chapter, I was totally stuck! Haha! I guess we all can set traps that backfire.

**Thank you's:** Reviewers! I can never stop thanking you all. Haha … I just have to repeat that every chapter, don't I.

**Warning:** Umm … if you feel like I am snuffing any characters, just let me know. I am trying to incorporate everyone. Heh. Although you won't see the other kingdoms until later. Sorry for the inconvenience.

**Style names in this chapter:** I believe there would again be zilch?

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT OWN DYNASTY WARRIORS. THE GAME IS COPYRIGHTED TO KOEI.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Seven:** First Kiss_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Zhou Yu stood up from the library and rubbed his eyes, completely worn out and only too eager to drop onto his bed and pass out for three days. He had been working for quite a while – in fact, midnight had passed ages ago, and he hadn't seen a good night's sleep in forty-six hours. Surely nobody was more deserving of a break than Zhou Yu.

Only there was one problem when he returned to his chambers – Xiao Qiao was occupying them.

In fact, she was sprawled face-down on the bed – correction, _his_ bed – with all of her limbs stretched out as far as they could possibly go, taking up all his precious space while she continued snoring away as though there was no tomorrow.

Zhou Yu brought his hand to his face, biting his lip to keep himself from screaming. Of course! After the marriage, her own chambers had likely been vacated and she had been sent to join her new husband. After all, any normal couple would enjoy spending a night together as soon as possible.

Groaning, Zhou Yu sank to the floor, back pressed against the doorway, head pressed against his knees. It appeared that he would never be allowed to rest. Heaven forsook him. The fates despised him. There was no other explanation for his miserable life.

_Perhaps someday, I shall be reborn and the divine entities will take pity on my past troubles, enough to grant me a happy and successful life where I can sleep in my own bed at times like these._ With a deep-chested sigh, Zhou Yu let his eyelids fall, giving way to the bitter sweetness of a land to which there were only dreams.

x . x. x . x

Gan Ning was an innocent man. Innocent!

INNOCENT!

Of course, that didn't keep a certain Xiao Qiao from continually glaring at him whenever he came within a ten-foot radius of her.

Which was fine, of course. Gan Ning would run off whenever he was within a twenty-foot radius of her and her pearly whites.

But his own escape attempts were bound to backfire on him someday.

Because just as he turned a corner fleeing from that nasty girl who took the phrase "it bites" literally …

… he ran straight into Sun Shang Xiang.

The princess of Wu.

The same Sun Shang Xiang who had punched him.

In the nose.

And had given him a nosebleed.

Which hadn't gone away.

For about two hours.

So, for Gan Ning, it was about choosing the lesser of two evils. Should he run back and face that Sharp-Toothed Sally? Or should he stay here and chat with the Nosebleed Nightmare?

He took Option Two. After all, that incident had been further in the past than the Xiao Qiao one. Sun Shang Xiang had probably forgiven him by now.

Right?

"YOU!" shrieked Sun Shang Xiang.

Nope.

"Um … hi?" Gan Ning tried, pasting a cheesy grin on his face and waving nervously.

"YOU!" repeated Sun Shang Xiang, face reddening.

"And … er … lovely weather, isn't it?"

"YOU!" Sun Shang Xiang's face neared a shade of purple, and she quivered in her rage as she stepped closer to Gan Ning, pressing an accusing finger into his chest. "YOU!"

So much for forgiveness.

"Yes, I know it's me." Gan Ning flashed her an uneasy grin.

"YOU SCUM! YOU RAT! YOU LITTLE--"

And suddenly, Sharp-Toothed Sally didn't sound so bad after all.

" … um … I'm sorry?" offered Gan Ning, trying for apologies now.

"YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY FIRST KISS!"

"Umm …"

"MY FIRST KISS IS SACRED!"

"I …"

"_I_ WILL CHOOSE WHO GETS MY FIRST KISS! AND I AM _CERTAINLY_ NOT CHOOSING A DIRTY, DRUNKEN, _STUPID_ PIRATE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Gan Ning did not know what had driven him to do what he did next. Perhaps his brain had been overheated by standing in the same vicinity as a woman who was continually yelling, which had possibly blown large amounts of hot air into his face, which had subsequently burst the circuit connecting his conscious mind to his sanity. Perhaps it was an after-effect of the nasty hangover that he had gotten from all the beer he had drunk two nights ago. In any case, he did the unthinkable.

Gan Ning leaned in and kissed Sun Shang Xiang on the lips.

Two seconds. Two bloody seconds. Two cursed seconds.

And then …

_Oh god. I'm screwed._

Gan Ning ran as fast as his legendary little legs would carry him, all the time being chased by a screaming princess who had just experienced her first kiss with a "dirty, drunken, stupid pirate."

x . x . x . x

Zhou Yu woke up, hearing the clash outside. It wasn't much past sunrise, and there was already commotion in the palace. Nothing new, of course. You had to expect the unexpected in places like Jiang Dong.

_Oh well. Might as well get up now. It's not as though you'll get any more sleep once the whole palace stirs from the hubbub._

He stretched, yawning, feeling the knots that had formed from his uncomfortable sleeping position loosen. A hand absentmindedly ran through his hair – which was only slightly tousled, if at all.

It was time to freshen up. Zhou Yu trudged to the washroom, hand pressed to the back of his neck as though it could somehow get rid of the crick that still lingered.

x . x . x . x

_What a comfy bed … what a comfy pillow … aah, this place is SOO nice …_

Xiao Qiao sighed, unconsciously stretching her arms out as she snuggled against the bed.

Then her leg poked out from under the covers, swinging around lazily until it managed to whack itself on the bedpost.

"Ouch!" cried Xiao Qiao, springing up and clutching her leg immediately. Tears filled her eyes. _That hurt!_

Then she remembered. _You can't be wimpy. You have to be double strong to make up for Da!_

_B-but … it HURTS …_

Xiao Qiao shook her head, trying to rid her eyes of her tears. It was time to wake up … Rubbing the bruise on her shin, she managed to limp out of bed and to the washroom.

x . x . x . x

"Da … it _hurts_ …"

"_Aiya_, stop whining! It's not so bad. My Sun Ce's gotten _war wounds._" Da Qiao's eyes misted over at the mere thought of her beloved husband.

"I can't walk! I'll be a cripple forever! I--"

Da Qiao let out a little gasp, freezing in her tracks. Xiao Qiao's head swiveled to stare at her sister, who had been walking alongside her. "What's the matter, Da?" she asked, forgetting about her "crippled" leg for a moment.

Da Qiao faintly lifted a hand to gesture towards what was in front of them.

It was Zhou Yu, blushing a faint pink as he was being adored and coddled and hit on within an inch of his life by young maidservants, all who were poking and prodding and stroking his hair, his arm, his face; their arms were wrapped around his waist as they gazed into his eyes.

"Umm …" Zhou Yu was not a man of words, and it really showed at times like these.

"Xiao, you should stop them," whispered Da Qiao.

"And why would I do that?" replied Xiao Qiao, her voice equally soft.

"Because … because he's your _husband_!" Da Qiao hissed.

"So? Like I care." Xiao Qiao added a little "hmmph" for emphasis before crossing her arms at her chest.

"Oh, Zhou Yu, you are so ADORABLE!" squealed one girl.

"You're so handsome and strong!" giggled another, poking his upper arm.

Xiao Qiao's eyes squeezed shut. "Are they blind?"

"And smart, too!" added a young girl with enough pink ribbons tied in her hair to fill a large feeding shack.

"Squee!" One particular girl whose voice could have cracked the eardrums pinched Zhou Yu's cheek.

Zhou Yu was slowly trying to pry himself free. "Really, I … need to go to breakfa--"

"Aww, you're not thinking of leaving us, are you?" pouted Zhou Yu's little fanclub, simultaneously giving the strategist their best puppy-dog eyes.

"Help him!" whispered Da Qiao urgently, accidentally kicking Xiao Qiao's leg on the exact spot where she had bruised herself that morning.

"OWW!" shrieked Xiao Qiao at the top of her lungs. "DA, that was MEAN!"

Immediately, upon sight of the woman who was Zhou Yu's wife, the crowd of girls scattered. Zhou Yu took on an expression of relief, to say the least. "Lady Xiao Qiao!"

Xiao Qiao glared at him, not impressed. "What, suddenly I'm not a witch anymore, Your Drama King-ness?"

Zhou Yu's face hardened. "I was merely being grateful, but if you do not wish to accept it, I shall not object."

"Stupid nerd," muttered Xiao Qiao.

A sigh escaped Zhou Yu's lips. Some things never changed, he supposed. "I shall accompany you ladies to your meal."

Da Qiao opened her mouth to thank him, but Xiao Qiao got there first. "We can go by ourselves, thank you very much."

With that, Xiao Qiao shoved past her husband, dragging Da Qiao along to the main hall.

_Must I live with this for the rest of my life?_ thought Zhou Yu, a feeling of hopelessness spreading through his inner being. His head ached, and it wasn't even noon. _A new record_, he mused, kneading his temples before himself heading over to breakfast.

x . x . x . x

Zhou Yu managed to slip into the main hall unnoticed, sliding into the seat beside Sun Ce, directly across from the Qiao sisters, Da Qiao being the picture of perfection as she sat in a docile manner, pointedly ignoring Xiao Qiao as she mourned over the "pain" of her leg. _And I'M the drama king, eh?_ he thought.

"Zhou Yu, you're just in time," whispered Sun Ce from the corner of his mouth, concentrating on the podium that had been set up in the middle of the large room.

"For what?" asked Zhou Yu in his softest tones, pretending to concentrate on his fingers as they drummed the table.

"Father's announcement," answered Sun Ce under his breath, eyes never leaving the Tiger of Jiang Dong as he climbed the steps to the podium.

"Attention!" called Sun Jian, his voice commanding but not loud enough to reach all the soldiers in the hall.

Huang Gai decided to take matters into his own hands and stomped up onto the podium. "MAY WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!" he roared.

Immediately, there was silence.

"— please," added Huang Gai, a bit sheepish.

Sun Jian gave Huang Gai a slight nod in thanks before taking a step forward, eyes scanning the sea of faces that were all focusing on their lord. He caught a glimpse of Sun Ce, who was fazing intently at him; Sun Quan, who was sitting by his sister; Sun Shang Xiang, looking pleased with herself … was that Gan Ning with bandages wrapped around his head? "I would like to announce that I am leaving tomorrow to explore the Wu territory!"

A buzz of chatter filled the crowd. _The Wu territory? But why?_

Zhou Yu's eyes met Sun Ce's. "Did you know about this?"

Sun Ce gave Zhou Yu a Look. "Father never tells me anything and you know it!"

"SILENCE!" boomed Huang Gai. Once again, the veteran's order was complied with.

"Thank you, my friend," said Sun Jian, once again acknowledging Huang Gai's extraordinary presence. "Now. My absence shall not be a long one; indeed, expect me gone for two weeks at most. I shall be taking a few trusted generals with me and only a small army as escort. I expect only the best leadership from my eldest son and heir Sun Ce, who shall be taking my place for those two weeks."

Sun Ce's jaw dropped; Zhou Yu himself could not suppress a gasp.

"_What_ did he say?" asked Sun Ce weakly, choking on his dim sum. "Zhou Yu, did you hear him?"

Zhou Yu nodded slowly. "Yes … he said that you will be taking his place while he is not present."

Sun Ce's body went rigid. "Are you _sure_ that's my father?"

"There is nothing to raise my suspicions, nothing to suggest the contrary," replied Zhou Yu.

"Then he's gone mad, hasn't he," Sun Ce suggested.

"He's not crazy … he trusts you." Zhou Yu nudged Sun Ce. "There, look, he's looking over here. He's looking at _you._"

Sun Ce managed to paste on a big-toothed smile. "I still say he's a nutter," muttered Sun Ce through his teeth.

Zhou Yu laughed. "Oh, be quiet. This is your time to shine."

"And let me guess. My time to enjoy it. Oh brother, now he's calling me up to the podium." Sun Ce stood up, still grinning. "Look over at Shang Xiang. She's laughing, isn't she."

"Hard," agreed Zhou Yu.

"I knew it." Sun Ce's mouth never faltered, though his hands curled into fists. "I won't hear the end of this for a month …"

"Stop it and go," interrupted Zhou Yu, giving Sun Ce a little push towards the podium.

Zhou Yu's eyes sparkled as he applauded his friend, a smile slowly conquering his lips. Leave it to Sun Ce, the only man who would ever say, "He's a nutter" when offered a moment of glory.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **First Kiss**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: No cliffy this time. Remember to R and R, folks.


	8. Chosen

**Sidenotes:** Oh my goodness. These chapters come later and later. I'm extra-sorry! You guys probably hate me! Ack! I'm back to once-a-month updates. Sorry multiplied by three! As a little note, I actually started writing this chapter three weeks after the last update. I'm that skilled. I actually made the third page this time.

**Thank you's:** All you people who reviewed, especially with that long wait! That would be: **_Adamantina, BadBoyCoooper, Xboy, Justinian14, XQ of Wu, stackles, KairiLuv, Lady Xiao, Sunflower, The Evil Liar, sage-serenity, Kyle Linderman, RWT, AmericanIdiot, zhugeliangsgrl, Super 4 C, Kaze ni Tenshi, _**and **_Empowerism_**.

**Warning:** Very short shapter. Sorry if I couldn't get it up fast enough.

**Style names in this chapter:** _WENTAI_ . Sun Jian … _BOFU_ . Sun Ce

**Disclaimer:** No ownership claim of Dynasty Warriors, which is Koei's.

**NOTICE: _I have recently been alerted to a new restriction imposed by FFnet that no longer allows me to reply to your reviews. It may not be true, but I will play it safe and edit all my chapters. I am sorry. I have absolutely no say in the matter. I still love you guys (muah!XP) and your thoughtful feedback, though, and will try to answer questions in the sidenotes or something. I will also start acknowledging those who reviewed in the THANK YOU section, seeing as I can no longer do so in my review replies._**

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Eight:** Chosen_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Are you sure you won't be needing any assistance, my lord?" asked Huang Gai, watching as some low-ranking soldiers trudged along in a line not unlike an ant trail, large bags of food and other supples hoisted on their shoulders. Each soldier would walk in the line, reach a wagon, load their burdens in it … and then head back to load up again. It was a cycle of work, one that had begun to take its toll on the soldiers. You could see it on their tired faces, the tanned complexions, and the odor of the sweat that dripped from their faces.

"Friend, you have given me more than enough assistance to last me a lifetime already," said Sun Jian, nodding slightly in acknowledgement.

"Merely the duty of a vassal, my lord." Huang Gai smiled.

"You are more than a vassal," Sun Jian replied, trying to sound stern though his own mouth was twitching at the corners. "You, Huang Gai, are a comrade, and a true friend as well."

Huang Gai bowed his head humbly, a rush of pride and happiness coursing through his body, as well as respect for his superior. "Thank you for your kind words, my lord."

Sun Jian laughed aloud. "But you need a wife."

Huang Gai tried to hide the incredulous expression on his face. Between the mushy lovey doves (Sun Ce and Da Qiao) and the couple who practically tore each other's heads off (Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao), Huang Gai wasn't sure anyone in their right mind who valued their sanity would get married.

"A wife is the most wonderful thing that can happen to a man," Sun Jian continued, taking a few paces forward with his hands clasped loosely behind his back, brow furrowed deeply in thought as his eyes focused on the horizon. "Before you have a woman, you are independent. You are confident. You are powerful and mighty. _After_ you have a woman, you have these things no longer. In fact, you have more flaws than you ever realized. A wife helps you realize these. You have a partner for life. There's always an open ear. And … to care for a woman is the most wonderful thing in the world." Sun Jian paused, closing his eyes and letting the wind gently caress his face with its cool, fluid touch. "Especially when that care is returned."

Huang Gai recalled how Sun Jian acted around the Lady Wu: that easy smile, glowing complexion, and a spark setting Lord Wentai's deep eyes alight.

He also recalled Sun Ce's almost-drunken gaze whenever his eyes met Da Qiao's, how the two always seemed to be up on a cloud somewhere, how happy young Bofu had been at his marriage, so happy that a golden light seemed to emanate from inside of him, extinguishing all else that wished to conjure doubt, jealousy, and all the darkness of love.

Then he remembered that fire blazing in Zhou Yu's eyes when Xiao Qiao had destroyed his book, the incessant arguments that always plagued the two, how much one despised to be in the presence of the other. He remembered seeing them during one meal, Xiao Qiao's brightness immediately fading as soon as Zhou Yu took his place across from her, while Zhou Yu continued to concentrate on his food, strands of hair falling gently across his shoulders, that dark curtain concealing the stony expression fixed on the strategist's handsome face.

And there was the Lady Ma. He could still bring up, from the dimmest areass of his memory, certain images. Images were Zhou Yu was young and truly happy, always laughing, the equally happy Ma clinging to his arm. And then that icy cold that had swept over Zhou Yu when he discovered her betrayal, that tight-lipped expression that Zhou Yu was always sporting nowadays, the laughter in his eyes extinguished.

Huang Gai winced. And this was what Lord Sun Jian wished of him.

He watched Sun Jian as the wise lord was lost, deep in thought. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity …

"You are excused, Huang Gai."

Huang Gai nodded. "As you wish, my lord."

"And call Lu Meng over. He must prepare adequately for this mission as well, if he is to take part in it."

You could have knocked Huang Gai over with a feather. "_Lu Meng?_"

"Does this surprise you?" It was only when Sun Jian turned his head to Huang Gai that the veteran warrior noticed the slight smile curling over Sun Jian's lips. "I found Lu Meng to be an excellent choice. After all, my mission is not a difficult one. He shows promise, and needs the experience as well."

"Yes, my lord." Huang Gai bowed, though his eyes were still wide with disbelief. _Lu Meng? What is he thinking?_

x . x . x . x

"_Me?_ What is he _thinking?_"

Huang Gai lowered his head slightly. "You are to accompany Lord Sun Jian on his mission, as well as Han Dang."

"And you?" asked Lu Meng.

Huang Gai smiled. "I have been assigned a duty that requires my presence here."

"Of course," said Lu Meng. "The Qiaos. That would explain Cheng Pu. Am I your replacement?"

"You are nobody's replacement."

"I bet I'm Zhou Yu's," grumbled Lu Meng. "Lord Sun Jian has been showering him with compliments.What apity he was wounded, thus unable to accompany our lord this time."

"You are nobody's replacement."

Lu Meng simply sighed. "I was not alerted to his before today. Obviously a replacement."

"You are nobody's replacement."

"Very well," said Lu Meng, giving in. "I shall go prepare my things and dress my horse."

"No need to dress your horse, I am sure a soldier would be willing to do it for you."

Lu Meng smiled grimly. "Nobody knows my horse as I do. Believe me when I say this."

x . x . x . x

White, pearly teeth. Strong, muscular face. Eyes like liquid chocolate, deep and filled with emotion. A light brown coat that shone with all the brilliance of the sun.

And, of course, who could forget the hooves? The strong, pointed hooves that slashed at the unfortunate soldier standing before them.

_Thwunk._

"Ouch! Down, boy! Down!"

_Slash._

"Aiee! Calm down!"

_Gonk._

The soldier rubbed the bruise on his head, which was roughly the size of a meatbun in both width and height.

"Easy there, boy!" called a voice from the door of the barn. Quickly, the soldier looked over in relief, seeing Lu Meng. "Master Lu--"

_Whack._

"… Meennnggg …" Moaning, the man collapsed.

"Hazel, you little hothead." Lu Meng, unable to hide his grin, strode over to gently stroke the horse, who snorted in contempt while, at the same time, immediately settling down in the presence of his master. "He's only trying to help me."

Hazel again snorted, this time in disbelief. He motioned to the sword that lay sheathed amd tucked safely in the man's belt.

Realization dawned on Lu Meng. Of course. Hazel was a warhorse. If he saw anybody but his owner carrying a weapon, he was trained to attack that person.

Lu Meng stifled a laugh. The poor fool.

Then he fed Hazel a carrot, patting his head. "Good boy."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Chosen**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: This chapter title reminds me vaguely of Star Wars: Episode III ("You were the chosen one, Anakin! Chosen to end all this!"). Mm … another one down … remember to read and review.


	9. Departure

**Sidenotes:** I honestly hope this chapter didn't suck. School started up and I want to drive a stake through whichever genius had the bright idea that teachers should give craploads of homework to students. (I made the third page of FFnet again … what talent I have)

**Thank you's:** Hugs to all you reviewers for sticking around! **_Sage-serenity, Max Fuchs, Adamantina, Hell's Hitman, The Evil Liar, RWT, Sunflower, BlackTiger196, Kaze ni Tenshi, zhugeliangsgrl, Empowerism, dadsnavygirl831, Crimsy Mi-chan_**

**Warning:** I make up names on the spot. So if I give a Chinese girl's name to a guy … blame it on the fact that I only know Korean and not a word of Chinese. (I would be happy to provide Korean names … sigh) And deeng. I swear I don't really swear that much in real unless I'm cranky, so that means I must have been cranky writing this chapter.

**Style names in this chapter:** _ZIMING._ Lu Meng

**Disclaimer:** Dynasty Warriors is copyrighted to Koei and will never be mine, no matter how much I picket them. Rats.

**NOTICE_: Review reply issue solved!_**

**--There is an Author Lounge now open at the Way of Musou forum, where any author can create their own private author subforum containing anything from review talkback, sneak previews, alternate chapters/endings, etc., or even just for chatting and getting to know the other authors there (you'll be surprised at how many there are! I can list at least 10 from the top of my head)! You can find me in under "Crazy Insanity." The link to Way of Musou is in my profile. Heh, I practically live there.**

**Feel free to join! We always love new members; I formally invite all of you to just sit back and chat with other members of the DW fandom in the Spam section! Be sure to post a thread introducing yourself in the "Introductions" section first though, so I can stalk you. Haha, just kidding. Or am I? Muahaha.--**

**-Have posted all review replies at current.**

**-I will eventually post a Chapter Ten preview. Keep checking ;)**

**-A preview of this chapter (Chapter Nine) was posted. See how horrible the first draft of my excerpt was.**

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Nine:** Departure_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Lu Meng felt a chill run through him even as his place in the mission was secure. He was positioned behind Sun Jian as rear guard, sitting atop Hazel with his eyes fixed ahead.

_Don't let anything distract you, Ziming._

"Men, ride forth!"

That was it. That was the order from the great Lord Sun Jian, Tiger of Jiang Dong who raised his sword and pointed it forward as he spoke, the unblemished silver sheen glinting to perfection in the bright sunlight. Hazel snorted at the weapon, though Lu Meng calmed him with a tap of the knee.

"Shh," he whispered. "Hazel, that's a friend. Sun Jian."

Immediately, the horse quieted down, though he still pawed at the ground, sending swirls of dust into the air.

_Sigh … this might get tiring after a while._

Then he realized that Sun Jian's horse was beginning to ride ahead, the others beginning to follow. Quickly, Lu Meng kicked Hazel, who rode forth gracefully, long-legged and almost like a dancer in the way his feet rose and fell, body weaving to and fro as though it were one with the wind.

The small escort army was raising dust clouds galore, so many that soon the dust had thickened through the air, a thick veil of light brown particles sweeping through the air, obscuring all beyond it but for a few brief flashes of shadow.

When the dust had cleared, the gates were still open, but the men had simply disappeared. Hoofbeats thundered in the distance, but soon even those had dissipated to nothingness.

And just like that, Sun Jian and his escort army had left.

x . x . x . x

"Lord Sun Ce!"

Sun Ce was startled, immediately leaping from his relaxed position at his desk into perfect standing posture to face the figure behind him. Seeing who it was, he sulked, spine and shoulders slouching. "Zhou Yu, don't do that!"

"Why not?" asked Zhou Yu with a smirk, the sleeves of his expensive dress robe _scritch_ing together as they crossed in front of his chest. "You are, after all, the temporary lord of our capital, Jian Ye, and the province of Jiang Dong as well."

Sun Ce groaned. "Uggh. Don't remind me. I hope Father's home soon, before I die from all the 'Lord this, Lord that' nonsense."

Zhou Yu granted Sun Ce the infamous raised-eyebrow look. "It is _not_ nonsense. It is tradition that has been upheld for centuries by our ances--"

"Whatever, give it a fancy name, but the fact is, I don't like it." Sun Ce frowned. "I've always thought _Commander Sun Ce_ or _General Sun Ce_ sounded a lot better than _Lord Sun Ce_."

"Your rank is not for you to decide," Zhou Yu pointed out. "You are naturally to inherit the role of a lord. From birth that decision was already made."

"Of course, that's the worst part," grimaced Sun Ce. "People think I'm a spoiled brat of a kid who gets an ensured place in life because his father's so wonderful and loved by the people. They think I'm stupid. That I can't handle anything. That I'm a wimp, a sissy. That I didn't have to work hard or earn anything to climb this high."

"And now's your chance to prove them wrong."

A scowl crossed Sun Ce's handsome features. "Show-off, memorizing every single line in the book. This is why Father always loads you with paperwork; so you can get your ass away from _his_ line of vision."

Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow. He could immediately tell that Sun Ce was worried about how well he could carry out the job, so worried that he had to resort to the boorish curses of common villagers. "It _is_ rather funny that you mention paperwork. You see, Lord Sun Jian did not leave with all his duties completed, wishing for you to experience a taste of actual life as an actual lord."

"… I don't like the direction this conversation is taking," Sun Ce said slowly. "I mean, can't you let a lord relax for once? Hint hint?"

"Relax? Wherever might you get that idea?" Zhou Yu's eyes glinted with amusement. "Says the man that wishes for fair treatment regardless of rank. There is hardly time to relax, my lord. State matters are of the greatest importance."

"What state?" asked Sun Ce. "You mean this dinky little city?"

"Province," Zhou Yu corrected, "And a lot more than that."

"What do you mean, a lot more?"

"I mean this." Zhou Yu opened the door a little wider, granting Sun Ce an open view of a giant stack of paper.

More than giant. It looked _infinite._

It wasn't even _one_ pile of paper, either. There were _more._

They were filling the hallway to his door. Invading, more like.

A sick feeling found its way into Sun Ce's throat.

"And what is that?" he managed to croak.

"Your state matters."

Sun Ce felt faint. "Do I have to finish all of that?"

Zhou Yu smiled.

"You're enjoying this," muttered Sun Ce. "You're just as bad as Shang!"

"I thought you might like it." Smiling, Zhou Yu helped load the pile on top of Sun Ce's desk. "Remember, these must be completed by tomorrow."

"God, I hate you."

"Until tomorrow, then, my lord." With a gracious bow and a rustle of silken dress garments, Zhou Yu made his hasty retreat.

x . x . x . x

"Lu Meng!"

"Yes, my lord?" Lu Meng rushed over to the firepit at the center of the ring of tents that was their campsite, where men were roasting chicken over the crackling flames.

"I want you to map out our journey through the Wu territory."

Lu Meng's eyes widened. "But, my lord—"

"I know you have never used a map before, Lu Meng … but now is an excellent time to learn." Sun Jian smiled warmly, the orange glow of fire flickering across his face. Here there was a shadow, then not. It was an almost eerie effect. "Send some scouts out. Explore. Draw. Plan."

"I do not think I can do it." Lu Meng looked doubtful.

"Surprise yourself," replied Sun Jian, standing up to retire to his tent before Lu Meng could say anything else.

x . x . x . x

_This is all new to me …_

_I've never done any of this before …_

… _can I truly do it? Can I?_

It wasn't that Lu Meng wasn't capable of doing what Sun Jian had asked him to do. It was just that …

Could he really do it? Was it even possible?

He had already sent out the scouts, despite the nervous tremors running through his body.

He, fairly new to the world of battle, had been chosen to map out their path. Not one of the veterans. _Him_. And Lu Meng was not exactly the master of strategy, either.

That had always been Zhou Yu's job.

Or Lu Su's job.

Or even Lu Xun's job.

Never Lu Meng. NEVER.

But why? Why now?

"General!"

Lu Meng jerked out of his thoughts, startled. Seeing the scout, he quickly managed to muster lamely, "Yes, what is it?"

"I haven't been out long, sir, and I apologize, but the villagers along the way warned me not to stray near the highroads commonly used by the wealther travellers, General."

"And why not?" Lu Meng asked.

"Bandits, of course." The scout blinked, as though he were stating the obvious.

Blushing, Lu Meng tried to brush his own lack of common sense aside. "Of course, I was just clarifying. So the location of the highroads would be …"

"Directly northwest, sir," the scout reminded Lu Meng.

"Of course." Lu Meng frowned. "And to the northeast?"

The scout blinked. "I was not sent to scout there."

"I understand. Great work." Lu Meng tried to sound enthusiastic, but was blushing too hard to pull off the effect well enough.

Unconvinced, the soldier fell to one knee and bowed respectfully. "I shall scout the surrounding areas of the highroad, General."

"Thank you." Lu Meng smiled. "I appreciate your help."

The scout grunted and quickly sped out of the tent, flap whooshing open behind him. Lu Meng sighed and touched two fingers to his forehead. He really needed to work on this mapping thing.

x . x . x . x

By the next day, Lu Meng had charted out a map and had plotted their journey. "If we head slightly northeast until the highroad merges with a village, my lord, we should be able to avoid the bandits."

Sun Jian nodded. "Great work."

Lu Meng blushed again, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

"Well, then, my men, shall we ride?"

x . x . x . x

It had been two days since they had been riding, slightly at a northeast angle just like Lu Meng had suggested.

And then it happened.

"MY LORD!" One scout rushed into the camp, tripping over a tent and landing, black-and-blue, at Sun Jian's feet. "TERRIBLE NEWS!"

Sun Jian's eyes widened slightly, mildly surprised. Lu Meng too flinched, though more from the suddenness of the scout's appearance than from the fact that the man bore unfortunate information. "What is it, Zhong Wan?"

Lu Meng found himself smiling. Sun Jian knew his lowliest vassals by name – a true man of the people.

"I rode ahead and met one of my old comrades, who tipped me off." Zhong Wan's eyes turned into an expression of extreme alarm. "My lord! Yuan Shao's forces are rushing to meet you!"

"_Yuan Shao?_" Disbelief crossed Sun Jian's face.

"The Imperial Seal, my lord," Zhong Wan supplemented, his eyes flaming in a knowledgeable manner.

Sun Jian's face brightened to a dangerous shade of crimson. "That … that … insolent …!"

Sun Jian was rarely this angry, so the others were caught off guard. "M-my lord?" Han Dang asked cautiously.

"His army is undoubtedly more numerous then a small number of escorts," continued Zhong Wan. "I suggest that we retreat back to Jian Ye or that we take another route."

Sun Jian's face tightened as his thoughts deepened. Then, suddenly, he turned to Lu Meng. "General, what do you suggest I do?"

"Me?" Mentally, Lu Meng slapped himself. _Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap …_

"Yes, General," Sun Jian answered patiently. "Your suggestion?"

Lu Meng recalled the map, those bold, colorful strokes bursting brilliantly in the depths of his mind. They could not head northwest, as that would mean meeting the bandits. Heading further east was far too predictable a course and left far too easy a path for Yuan Shao to pursue.

That left retreat.

"I would retreat, my lord," Lu Meng managed hesitantly. Immediately, what he had feared came true: the hum of disbelieving chatter washed over the campsite.

With a wave of his arm, Sun Jian quieted his men. "Why?"

Face reddening, Lu Meng replied, "Heading west or east is suicide. To the west are bandits. The east would leave us easy prey."

Sun Jian nodded thoughtfully. "And retreat?"

"We could always explore the territory at a later date," Lu Meng reasoned.

Sun Jian's lips thinned, and for a moment, Lu Meng feared rejection. But when he finally did speak, he spoke kindly.

"Very well."

x . x . x . x

Their flight was a silent one. One moment they were there, fire crackling, washing their tent in a mystical glow. The next, the fire had been extinguished. Horses whinnied, hooves pounded the earth. The clatter of each officer's supplies seemed deafening, the friction between burlap sacks and horsehide, Lu Meng feared, could be heard by all.

They left the tents, riding off into the blackness of night.

Lu Meng's heart pounded like no other, louder than the loudest of war drums to his ears. He hoped he had made the right decision, for now it was too late to change his mind. Sun Jian trusted him, but he did not trust himself.

The words rang in his head as he rode Hazel harder and faster than he ever had before. _Coward!_

It was not an act of cowardice, but an act of logic and reason, Lu Meng reminded himself.

The words did not stop reprimanding him. _Coward!_

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Lu Meng tightened his grip on his spear. He would not lose focus. Not now.

After what was probably an eternity of riding, Sun Jian finally screeched to a halt just as the sun began to rise. "We shall rest here."

Hazel was not complaining. He was completely drained from all that running, too tired to even grunt in discomfort as Lu Meng dismounted clumsily, rapping his boot against Hazel's kneecap in the process.

Lu Meng himself found it hard to keep his lids open. Sleep welcomed him with comforting arms, and before long he had settled into her embrace.

x . x . x . x

It seemed as though hardly any time had passed before Lu Meng was roused by another soldier. "Come, General. We must ride again."

Lu Meng nodded solemnly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. That had been barely a nap, much less a sufficient rest stop!

The sun concealed its brilliant form behind a thick layer of grey cloud, its position signaling a mere three hours of sleep for the men. As Lu Meng rolled out from beneath his blankets, dust choked his vision, so that he ducked back under the covers again. The dust was from the horses, whose emotions were flaring at the thought of another such run as the one they had done last night on so little rest.

As usual, Hazel was the most vocal, and Sun Jian's the most civilized, barely lifting a hoof. Meanwhile, Hazel bit and pawed every soldier to come near him, and Lu Meng knew that this was _not_ simply because they had weapons.

"Hazel!" he called warningly, though his voice cracked in his own throat. Hazel snorted loudly and rebelliously, continuing to be his usual bad-tempered self.

That was it. Lu Meng made his way over and squarely met Hazel's gaze. "I'll give you to three, Hazel. One …"

_Snort._

"… Two …"

_SNORT._

"… Three!" Lu Meng then produced a whip from behind his back.

Hazel only continued to glare angrily at his master, clearly refusing to budge.

"Not even the whip will do it, eh?" Lu Meng muttered to himself.

Lu Meng could have sworn at that moment that, if Hazel had words, he would be hearing something along the lines of, _Damn straight!_

Sighing, he dropped the whip, a gesture that clearly surprised Hazel. Then he shook his head sadly. "What will it take to get you to move?"

And suddenly, the answer came to him.

The distant thunder of war drums and hoofbeats.

At once, Lu Meng's blood turned to ice. _Yuan Shao!_

But he was wrong. Dead wrong. It wasn't Yuan Shao. It was …

"Lu Gong?" Sun Jian seemed puzzled, scanning the horizon. Clearly he had expected nothing of the sort.

Han Dang's bodyguard dressed the general in full armor, Dang's mouth reduced to a grim slash. "To ambush us in this way, those cowards."

Lu Meng remembered the word echoing through his head the night before. _Coward! Coward!_

Then all was a blur. It happened so abruptly that Lu Meng did not quite understand what was going on before it was too late. One minute he was mounting onto Hazel, who bucked in fright; the next, he heard several men cry out, Han Dang shouting, "MY LORD!"

Lu Meng turned his head for a split second, just in time to see the volley of arrows heading at them. The archers were now in range. Instinctively, Lu Meng sped off in the opposite direction, where he thought he remembered the path to Jiang Dong was.

There was a loud thump behind him. Lu Meng heeded it as nothing; supplies had fallen, or a horse's legs had given way; in any case, he was much too far ahead, the men behind him were the ones who could do anything to help …

More cries, this time shouting his name. Lu Meng tried to stop Hazel, but the horse was so frightened that he did nothing but continue to ride forward. Quickly he turned his head again, this time to a more tragic sight. Sun Jian's horse was galloping full speed, dragging his lord along the barren grass like a sack of flour. Sun Jian had fallen out of his saddle, and the only thing that kept him attached to his horse was the fact that his foot was hooked onto the saddle, but it was not this that concerned Lu Meng.

For Lu Meng too let out a shout when, for but a moment, the dust cleared, and he gained full sight of his lord. It was not the dust that did it, though it was rather mournful to see the great lord's armor in such a ragged state, but rather. the many arrows that penetrated the pale form. Those vibrant eyes were clouded, misted over, and Sun Jian hung limply, unstirring, in such a way that Lu Meng knew at once that the tiger of Jiang Dong was dead.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Departure**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: There is actually a double meaning to the chapter title, which is why I chose it in the first place. Hopefully, nobody caught it until after the chapter was done.


	10. Temper Tantrum

**Sidenotes:** Am I the worst author in the world or what? Anyway, you guys probably can guess why. Bwai. I'll leave it at that. Sorry I couldn't churn this out faster. Believe it or not, I really worked hard trying to get this out. I sincerely apologize for the shortness! I really do! I'll make it up to you guys somehow.

**Thank you's:** Love you reviewers! (insert cute little smiley here) **Adamantina, Max Fuchs, KairiLuv** (being not nearly as lazy as me, who apparently can't even update a story before it hits the third page :P)**, Hell's Hitman, Kaze ni Tenshi, Branchscamper, BadBoyCoooper, kY0chAn196, sage-serenity, RWT, Empowerism**

Also infinite thanks to Gillian Bradshaw's _The Sand-Reckoner._ Awesome book and for some reason it inspired me, so now I know exactly how the story will go. I mean, before I read it, I had a vague idea, but now I have a clear picture of the events.

**Warning:** Mid-chapter Monty Python episode. Sowwee. -_grins innocently-_

**Style names in this chapter:** None

**Disclaimer:** Dynasty Warriors is copyrighted to Koei, that magnificent company that apparently has a mailing address in Burlingame … maybe I should stalk them … I know where it is … _-evil cackles-_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Ten:** Temper Tantrum_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

When at first Sun Shang Xiang set eyes upon the corpse of what had been her father, it was first disbelief that hit her. _Father's not dead,_ she reassured himself. _He can't be dead. This mission … it's a routine mission to survey a piece of land, for Heavens' sake! Hardly a place to be killed!_

Her fingers brushed over his; he was cold. Quietly, she stared into his empty eyes. A teardrop fell onto his still face, his painfully still face.

Then, at once, out rushed Sun Ce and Zhou Yu.

Perhaps a bit of background information might help fill in the blanks. You see, Sun Shang Xiang had sighted the dust cloud in the distance that approached the palace from her chamber window, and had immediately rushed down as fast as she could, before anyone else could arrive. The great gates flung open, Sun Shang Xiang rushed to find her father's horse and smother him in affectionate hugs before anyone else got the chance to welcome him home.

Only there was a problem: Sun Shang Xiang could not spot her father.

And then Lu Meng had dismounted, bowing graciously. "I bear news of unfathomable grief. Lord Sun Jian …" --here Lu Meng choked-- "… has died in battle."

Sun Shang Xiang blinked, and then blinked again. "All right, who set you up?"

Lu Meng was puzzled. "W-what?"

Sun Shang Xiang tapped her foot impatiently. "Who put you up to this? I'm not falling for it. Where's Father?"

And so he had shown her.

x . x . x . x

"What's going on here?" Sun Ce demanded. Zhou Yu halted a few paces behind him, panting for breath.

The back of Sun Shang Xiang's head seemed to hang there for an eternity. She was standing up, reaching into one of the wagons. The curtain was only slightly parted, allowing for only Sun Shang Xiang herself to be granted a view of what lay within.

And slowly, her head turned around. Her eyes were red from crying, but she still forced a grin and a girlish giggle.

"Father's home," she chirped, voice trembling.

Zhou Yu knew right then what had happened, but he refused to believe it. "It can't be." What he truly meant was that Sun Jian's final resting place certainly could not be one of the supply wagons designated for the trip, though he later told himself that he had been in disbelief.

Sun Ce stepped closer until he was standing next to Sun Shang Xiang. Carefully, he parted some more of the curtain.

Then his face turned white, and he turned. His stomach heaved.

"Oh. My. God."

The air stank of death and vomit. Zhou Yu's stomach churned, but he managed to compose himself. The strategist of Wu ventured a few steps closer, and peered over Sun Shang Xiang's shoulder to have a look.

Sun Jian's eyes were open in death, his skin disgustingly translucent, lips blue like seawater.

Zhou Yu went up to the body, hands shaking, but he managed to pass a hand over Sun Jian's eyes to close them, somehow trying to dispel the shivers running down his back.

Sun Ce's eyes were distant, even as sweat beaded his forehead.

"Will you be all right?" Zhou Yu had asked.

Sun Ce forced a grin, looking eerily like his sister. "Of course."

x . x . x . x

Nightfall fell slowly upon Jian Ye. The day was filled with busy scuttling-abouts, hysteric cries, shouts of disbelief, screams of anguish.

The men of the palace tried in vain to get a response from Lady Sun Shang Xiang, who sat on the edge of her bed the entire bed, staring off into space.

Young heir to the lordship Sun Ce was also not to be found.

Sun Quan, the youngest Sun sibling that still bothered to keep residence in the capital city, made attempts to gather the men's wits together, but they were in vain. Soldiers ran around screaming in the streets. Needless to say, it wasn't long before the civilians joined them.

Clouds cast themselves over the sunlight. The people wept in the streets. People ripped off their shirts and beat their chests and smeared themselves in jelly and toothpaste—

_-Okay, fine. No toothpaste. No jelly. Or shirt-ripping. Wait – where did all those groans come from? HEY! I see you pervs over there! Knock it off!-_

It was a day of mourning. As Sun Ce parted the curtain of his mother's window and looked into the lush garden that filled the courtyard, he couldn't help but feel strangely cold.

The moon and stars were all that lit the night sky before somebody's presence finally disturbed the eternal calm of his mother's study. His mother never bothered to come near a book, much less touch one, so for the most part, Sun Ce had used it as his place of solitude since he was a boy. Nobody ever thought to check the Lady Wu's study because they naturally assumed that nobody was in it, apart from the dust motes. In fact, few were even aware of its presence, besides the Sun family and officials with high positions. And still, someone else.

"You could have knocked, Zhou Yu." Sun Ce let the curtain fall, obscuring all light save the pale slivers of light that slipped through the cracks.

Zhou Yu still stood in the doorway, staring at the silhouette of his best friend. A single crease of worry lined his forehead. Since when did Sun Ce use such formalities with a man who had known him for practically forever?

He finally found a reply. "Why were you hiding?"

Sun Ce laughed, though it came out as more of a dry cough. "And why did you leave me here? You knew where I was the whole time."

Zhou Yu bowed. "I am sorry for your loss, my lord."

"What's with all this 'my lord' stuff? Didn't I tell you I hated to be called that!" Sun Ce suddenly spun around, pinning Zhou Yu to a wall by his collar. "DIDN'T I!"

Zhou Yu coughed, air knocked out of his lungs. "I apologize," he managed to choke out, the pressure against his neck sending little stars bursting all across his vision. He'd forgotten how strong Ce was.

Then, just as suddenly, Sun Ce let go. Zhou Yu crumpled to the floor, and Sun Ce stormed out of the room.

"You can't bring him back from the dead, you know!" Zhou Yu shouted as soon as he could speak again.

"I know … dammit." His voice was barely audible, but Sun Ce knew that Zhou Yu had heard.

Reality struck. _Father is dead._ And nothing … nothing really mattered anymore.

x . x . x . x

The slish, slosh, splash of water was deafening as the ice cold liquid flew across Sun Ce's face. He rubbed his face with his hands, particularly his eyes, before sighing and looking over his shoulder to the long-haired man waiting patiently behind him. "Sorry, Yu." His feeble grin was sheepish, if anything.

Zhou Yu smiled. "And we thought only small children threw temper tantrums. All is forgiven. Ce."

"Has anyone managed to move Shang?" asked Sun Ce.

"Yes," Zhou Yu replied. "Herself. She suddenly fell onto her back and went to sleep. A guard reported it."

"Poor Shang … she was always a Daddy's girl."

Zhou Yu nodded gravely. "I know."

"Still a suck-up, if you ask me." Sun Ce rubbed his face with a towel.

Zhou Yu laughed. "I suppose."

"I've never run my own country before." Sun Ce looked thoughtful. "But one thing is for certain. Whoever killed Father … will DIE." His expression hardened, and his eyes could have cut through granite.

Zhou Yu lowered his head in respect. "Lord Sun Jian shall be sorely missed."

Sun Ce sighed, and a wave of drowsiness overcame him. "I'm tired from all this death! I … I need some sleep."

"Go rest, and rest well, Ce," Zhou Yu advised. "You want to be well-rested for the aftermath."

"Aftermath?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Zhou Yu's eyes were clouded. "Our enemies may take advantage of this perilous situation. We must gather morale as quickly as possible."

"Sure. Does that change the fact that I'm sleepy?"

Zhou Yu smiled. Sun Ce was back. "No."

"Didn't think so!" Sun Ce yawned loudly, heading back to his chambers. "Night, Yu."

"Goodnight."

Once Sun Ce had left the room, Zhou Yu sighed and went to wash his face. It looked to be another another sleepless night …

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Temper Tantrum**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Chapter completed. The time is three o' nine am. Night guys. Sorry if this chap is crap (haha, rhyme), but I didn't have time to edit.


	11. Meet the Fangirls

**Sidenotes:** Happy Thanksgiving to all! Haha. That's kinda late. Anyway, this was intended to be updated on Thanksgiving but … bleh. This ended up being the best I could do. SORRY! I swear I'll update quicker. (determined grimace)

**Thank you's:** All you reviewers! You guys brighten my day! X) Major hugs to **KairiLuv**, **BBC**, **stackles** (x 3. lol), **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **Sunflower**, **sage-serenity**, **RWT**, **Sadistic Memory**, **Ky0chAn196**, **Empowerism**, **Jakusa**, and **lilswtchibi**. Thanks for being so patient! I'm sending e-glomps to all of you. GLOMP!

Also to the movie _Tae Guk Gi._ So much inspiration … I can only say that Kang Jye-Gyu, I am forever in your debt, and in debt of your beautiful movie.

**Warning:** I've probably written Sun Ce and Sun Jian OOC again. I'm so sorry! I play Zhou Yu way, waay too much … I'm not sending the Suns any love. Must change bad habits.

**Style names in this chapter:** None

**Disclaimer:** In the immortal language of Wei Yaner-ese: … _Dynasty … Warriors … Koei's! … Me … claim … no … ownership!_

**Historical Note: **There were two Lady Wu's, who were sisters and both were wed to Sun Jian (though not at the same time, I don't think!). The first Lady Wu bore Sun Ce, Sun Quan, and a couple of other sons. When she died, the second Lady Wu was wed to Sun Jian and bore Sun Shang Xiang and another son. The Lady Wu mentioned in this chapter is, a bit obviously, the second Lady Wu. These are the two sisters I'm talking about. Sun Ce, Sun Quan, etc. will all mention her as "Mother" for various reasons. I'd hate to spam the intro with them.

**NOTICE:** **Like O M G! FFnet now has a review reply feature, as most of you've probably noticed by now! Unfortunately, to all you anonymous reviewers … I'll find a way soon enough. X) As for now, I'm underlining the anon reviewers because I feel bad not giving you guys anything … sigh.**

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Eleven:** Meet the Fangirls_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Man … I feel better." Sun Ce's mouth stretched into an open, unashamed yawn. Many servants, shocked, averted their eyes, whispering amongst themselves about the indignity of his actions. Noticing the commotion, Sun Ce shook his head to himself, sighing. Speaking in an overloud tone to make sure that the servants would hear him, he proceeded to stretch his arms slowly outward, making a point of dramatizing his actions. "I'm already beginning to hate this 'lord' stuff."

"You're not officially a lord yet," Zhou Yu reminded him quietly, shaking his head and trying to hide his smile. Ce … was something else. "The ceremony is this afternoon."

Sun Ce snorted crossly. "Yeah. How could I forget? Conveniently, it's _right after_ Father's funeral. Talk about job motivation."

Zhou Yu paused midstep, lowering his lifted foot back to the ground. His brow crinkled and his eyes met the ground without really focusing on it, symbolic of deep contemplation. Sun Ce, unaware that his friend had fallen back, continued walking forward at a leisurely pace, even going to far as to whistle merrily to himself. Then it happened.

Countless numbers of frilly, pink, ribbon-clad fangirls streamed into the hallway at a speed that would have easily shamed the Red Hare, latching themselves onto both Sun Ce and Zhou Yu's waists like leeches. Sun Ce gasped at the impact, slammed against the wall. He quickly glanced over and saw that Zhou Yu was in a similar predicament.

They chirped. They squibbled. They squee'ed.

"WHO THE HELL ARE THESE!" Sun Ce cried, eyes wide from shock. "WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM!"

"These are called _fangirls_, Ce," replied Zhou Yu tiredly. Had his hands not been trapped at his sides, he would have swept the loose strands of dark hair from his forehead. "A rather interesting specimen. Possibly deadly."

"_Possibly_?" Sun Ce choked. "I … can't … breathe … !"

"Hunch over a bit," Zhou Yu suggested. "It'll loosen some airways."

Sun Ce took this advice. The effects were immediate; color began to return to Sun Ce's handsome face. "You seem to have experience in these …matters. Do these _monstrosities_ attack you often?"

"Yes," sighed Zhou Yu, closing his eyes. "Much _too_ often."

"What makes them go away, then? You must know!"

"Well … it depends. Huang Gai fended them off for me once – they took one look at him with his Shadow Rod slung over his shoulder and went faster than they came, screaming and crying all the way. And our wives drive them off too, I suppose." Zhou Yu recalled that one day when Xiao Qiao had saved him from impending doom.

Sighing, Zhou Yu tried to avoid their gazes as he attempted in vain to pry them from his waist, trying first to wiggle his arms loose. One of the women planted a large wet one on his wrist. Eyebrows crinkling in disgust, he tried his hand at civility.

"Ladies … I have business to attend to … if you'll excuse me …"

"SQUEE! HE TALKED TO ME!"

"SHUT UP! HE WAS TALKING TO _ME!_ EVERYONE COULD SEE THAT!"

"WAS NOT!"

"WAS TOO!"

"WAS NOT!"

"WAS TOO!"

"**_SQUEE!_**"

Zhou Yu winced. So much for common courtesy. Where was Lady Xiao when he actually _needed_ her?

Suddenly with a shriek, all the fangirls dashed away as fast as they could. Zhou Yu ventured so far as to open an eyelid. What brilliant line would he use on Lady Xiao _this_ time in another pathetic attempt to restore peace to their chaotic relationship?

Instead …

Zhou Yu caught a glimpse of the form before him and opened both eyes. Wide. "Lady Sun!"

Sun Shang Xiang smirked, green eyes glittering happily, though her gaze was now inexplicably so much more profound than before. "Since when am I _Lady Sun_, I inquire of you, good sir?" she asked, cheerfully tucking some loose strands of her brown hair behind an ear. "I thought my name was _Shang Xiang._" She giggled.

"My apologies." Zhou Yu too laughed, though even he could hear the uneasiness in his own chuckles.

"You don't have to be nervous," Sun Shang Xiang added quickly. "I … I'm fine. Everything's alright. It was just a bit … sudden, that's all." She paused, trying to think of what to say. "I kept thinking that if I had known … I would have kissed his cheeks until they were bruised purple, hugged him until my arms fell off … and I would have been better to him before he left." She grinned in her usual impish manner, but Zhou Yu couldn't help noticing that her eyes were filled with a deeper kind of sadness than what he could ever recall seeing in them. "I would have taken that walk with him. He asked me to, did you know that? But I told him that he was probably too busy and that I could wait until he was back. Love is waiting. He told me that once. You know?"

Seeing Sun Shang Xiang's shoulders begin to tremble, Sun Ce instinctively rushed towards her, arms outstretched, and wrapped his arms around her in an emotionally-charged hug. "Shang …"

"Stop." Sun Shang Xiang took a step backwards, withdrawing from her brother's embrace. Sun Ce's face was filled with confusion until he heard Sun Shang Xiang's next words. "Mother needs you more than I do."

"Mother." Sun Ce's voice trailed off. "I nearly forgot about Mother."

"She screamed when she heard the news. She just _screamed_. I've never known a person could express such anguish in such a primal way, but … she went to his body and clung to his arm. She refused to leave him until finally the soldiers had to drag her away. Mother's a dignified woman … but now she's casting away her pride for Father. I never even knew she loved him. I thought it was arranged because her sister passed away."

"Mother used to hate Father," Sun Ce recalled. "Not really hate … but he just stood for everything that had been taken away from her life. She wanted to marry a rich nobleman who sent her lavish gifts and flowers, not the 'common dirt' her sister had settled for. Father never gave her anything, and it frustrated her. I used to listen to her complain bitterly under her breath about him."

"I don't remember." Sun Shang Xiang made an attempt to recall her mother's spite.

"Of course you don't!" Ce laughed. "You never had to spend any time with her! She thought her own children were depressing because they reminded her of her duties to her husband, duties that she so detested. But I was constantly by her side, since Father wanted to drill into my head that I'd have to take care of Mother when I grew older and stronger. When he wasn't there. Like now."

Suddenly, Zhou Yu remembered one lone night by the campfire, staring into the flames and contemplating life and its intricacy. He was brought on this first mission much like Lu Meng was brought into one, though his was several years before Meng's. It served no actual purpose except to simply add experience to his then-pitiful resumé. Of course, nothing worth mentioning actually happened … but Zhou Yu had grown quite close to Sun Jian as a result. There had been less silver in Sun Jian's hair in those days and hardy any creases marring Sun Jian's then-young face, back during the times when Zhou Yu had still loved Lady Li Mei. He remembered that single night during that entire mission clearly and quite unexpectedly, from the clarity of the full moon to the cool, dark skies. The stars had seemed impossibly bright, not being concealed by the usual veil of thick cloud. He had enjoyed the sight.

"_I want to ask you if I have your blessing in taking Lady Li Mei's hand in marriage." Zhou Yu's cheeks went red with embarrassment, though from his eyes was emanated a strong, powerful determination._

"_Of course!" was Sun Jian's prompt reply. "If you are happy in doing so, then who am I to stop you from attaining that happiness?" Sun Jian chuckled, though his laughter soon faded and all that was left was a smile._

_It was only then that Zhou Yu began to notice the brightness in Sun Jian's eyes. "You look well, my lord." The smile was contagious, and soon Zhou Yu found his own lips curved upwards in good spirits._

"_I am well. Moreso than I have been in many, many years."_

"_That is excellent news."_

_A long silence. Then Sun Jian spoke again._

"_She understands. She finally understands." His amber-colored eyes seemed to shimmer with every uncontained sort of magic in existence, catching each point of firelight. This only accentuated the joy lining every highlight and every shadow of Sun Jian's face._

"_Understands what?" Zhou Yu was utterly puzzled._

_Sun Jian shook his head, still smiling, though he refused to reveal the source of his elation. The night passed onward, though Zhou Yu could have sworn that despite the drunken shouts and rowdy fisticuffs exchanged by the soldiers surrounding them, that something in the air gave him the warmest, safest sensation that he had felt in the longest time._

Nostalgia, then the thought that understanding was futile. Perhaps it was love. Perhaps it was something else. But the "she" that Sun Jian spoke of, his second wife, had learned to understand. It was possible, but Zhou Yu shook his head. He didn't want to be burdened with the knowledge. Some things were meant to be shared by only two people; no more, no less. And suddenly he _did_ understand something, that something being Sun Jian's refusal to tell him what was so wonderful about life.

Zhou Yu could almost heart Sun Jian's voice speaking to him. _You_, it said,_ are not worthy of this knowledge. Perhaps someday …_

"Zhou Yu?"

Zhou Yu looked up at Sun Ce. "You should go to your mother. I do not mind; I have paperwork to be filling out anyway."

"Okay then." Sun Ce turned to his sister. "Shang, thanks for saving us from the fangirls."

"Anytime," was Sun Shang Xiang's roguish response.

"And Zhou Yu … thanks for just being there."

Zhou Yu smiled, glancing appreciatively at Sun Shang Xiang for a moment. Their eyes met, and Zhou Yu's smile deepened. "Anytime," he said.

Sun Ce flashed them his beamed beautifully at both of them before heading off in the direction of the Lady Wu's chambers. Then, suddenly, he paused. Turning to wink at Zhou Yu, he unfastened his shirt and let all his chest coverings slip to the ground, so that all he was wearing was a pair of loose red pants. Much to Sun Shang Xiang's horror, Sun Ce undid the ribbon holding his ponytail in place, shaking his hair loose over his shoulders slowly and dramatically, letting the strands fall gently in place. Flaunting his muscular torso, Sun Ce took slow, confident strides towards his mother's room, whistling and tossing his hair. He didn't bother looking back.

"Ahh … only Sun Ce." Zhou Yu closed his eyes and laughed quietly. Soon, Sun Shang Xiang had joined him.

Off in the other hallways, several loud _thumps_ could be heard as fangirls all over the palace beheld the sight of a half-naked Sun Ce … and then fainted.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Meet the Fangirls**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Boring chap in my opinion. Hope you liked it! XP I'm going to work on quicker updates. One thousand nine hundred and two words, close enough to two thousand, I suppose. R 'n R!


	12. The Strategist

**Sidenotes:** Many of you pointed out Qiao neglect … guilty! I was recently horrified while revisiting my DW3 days. Of course, I played as Zhou Yu … which meant that practically every mission was with the Qiaos … which means that squeaky voices have been driving me nuts. Any others who have DW3 can sympathize.

Also: Merry late Christmas! And happy early new year! I won't be here for New Year's, so I can't update then, so I'll wish ya guys a good one in advance.

**Thank you's:** Reviewers! **Lilswtchibi**, **Empowerism**, **stackles**, **Sunflower**, **moodygal**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **Ky0chAn196**, **Sadistic Memory**, **sage-serenity**, **RWT** … you guys are beyond awesome!

**Warning:** Slight mature themes (just the word "brothel"). Nothing a T rating can't handle. Just stuck that in in case anyone gets squeamish over that.

**Style names in this chapter:** _Ziming_– Lu Meng, _Gongjin_– Zhou Yu

**Disclaimer: **I am a pauper and own absolutely nothing. (Figuratively, of course; in real life I'm quite spoiled :P)

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Twelve:** The Strategist_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"IT'S HERR!"

Gan Ning dashed down three flights of stairs, four wide, empty hallways, corridor through corridor, room through room …

"Who?" Lu Xun's eyes widened, seeing Gan Ning rush in and hide behind Lu Meng.

"Xiao Qiao," whispered Gan Ning, voice barely audible.

"_Who?_" Lu Xun strained to hear. His eyes widened suddenly in almost-understanding. "You mean Xiao Qiao?"

"SHH!" Gan Ning hissed, continuing to back away with fear in his eyes. "I read somewhere that you can summon a demon by saying its name too loud."

"Sorry." Lu Xun shrank back. "Is Xia—Lady Qiao really a demon? Ning? … Ning?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Sorry sir." Lu Xun paused for a minute before turning to his other friend. "Meng? … Meng?"

Lu Meng muttered something gruffly underneath his breath before walking away.

"What a grouch," sighed Gan Ning. "I wonder what's been bothering him. Ever since he went on that--"

"He probably thinks he's responsible for Lord Sun Jian's death, as everyone else that went on the mission does." Lu Xun sighed, looking down the hallway Lu Meng had disappeared through.

Gan Ning whistled, head turned towards the direction Meng had run off to. "Damn warriors and their guilt complexes."

"You're a warrior, too, Ning," Xun reminded his friend.

"It's a pirate joke. You wouldn't get it. MOTHER OF CHRIST!"

Xiao Qiao rounded the corner at that very moment. Gan Ning plastered on his cheeriest smile, backing away until he reached a far corner. Then he ran as fast as he could down the perpendicular hallway. Xiao Qiao smirked, his howls of terror not lost on her ego.

"So …" Her gaze shifted to Lu Xun. "I'm bored."

"Um … hi?" squeaked the timid young strategist. His mentor's wife seemed to have multiple personalities.

Her reply was a toothy grin. "Do you want to be my friend?"

x . x . x . x

"I must speak with Master Zhou Yu!" Lu Meng fought bitterly, trying to push his way to Zhou Yu's door.

The man standing by Zhou Yu's door merely gave Lu Meng an impatient glare, shoving him harshly to the floor. "I've told you, he's busy! Now, I said this once and I say it again: leave before I summon the guards!"

Lu Meng defiantly glared up from his position on the ground. "Summon the guards, then! I must have a word with—" His expression changed, seeing someone approach from behind them. "Master Zhou Yu!"

Zhou Yu appeared down the hall, conversing rapidly in a northern dialect with a man dressed in tattered robes. Seeing Lu Meng, he politely ended the conversation, bowing to the impoverished man. Guards immediately poured from the halls to escort the strange man out while Zhou Yu hurried to the man by his door. He then bowed graciously. "I thank you, Qi. I shall call you back when I am in need of your services again."

"AKA you want me to buzz off. HMMPH." The man by the door, apparently named Qi, departed, grumbling and sputtering as though there was poison in his mouth.

The corners of Zhou Yu's mouth turned up, though his expression was still more grimace than smile. He waited for Lu Meng to hurry to his feet, then turned to him. "My deepest apologies, Ziming. I, ah, order tight security around my premises. I have many solicitors, you see."

Lu Meng bowed courteously. "It is no trouble at all, sir."

Zhou Yu frowned. "_Sir_. I've not grown so old yet, have I? It is Gongjin. Or Zhou Yu."

"Zhou Yu, then." Lu Meng rushed to change the subject. Then he paused. "It may sound foolish … or corny, even … but I've learned from my past mistakes."

"We all do." Zhou Yu's sigh was filled with a deep nostalgia; his eyes were misted over and were focused on something else. "What is it you want?"

"I'd like to learn the art of strategy." Lu Meng kept himself from choking on his own words. "Sir."

"Is this because of Lord Sun Jian?" The stately man folded his arms over his chest before meeting Lu Meng's eyes. Zhou Yu's gaze softened, deepened, filled themselves with great sadness. "You do not have to. You are a warrior; I understand. Lord Sun Jian's passing was a tragedy. It was not your fault. It could not have been prevented; the situation kept it from being so."

"I'd like to redeem myself," replied Lu Meng, voice gaining its familiar strength. "Please."

"I cannot." Zhou Yu shook his head, looking away. "I understand why you wish it so, but I cannot see to it that your request is fulfilled."

"Please!" Lu Meng pleaded, leaning in closer. A moment later and he would've been clutching the master strategist by the front of his robes in desperation.

"I …" Zhou Yu's voice trailed away, seeing the stubborn resolve in Lu Meng's unblinking stare. Suppressing a smile, Zhou Yu closed his eyes. Silence stilled the air for a few long moments before Zhou Yu opened them once more. "I see you shall not give up."

"Never," was Lu Meng's hoarse reply.

"In that case … I wish you the best of luck, Ziming." Zhou Yu turned to walk away.

"Wait!" cried Lu Meng, starting after him.

Zhou Yu hesitated before turning to face Lu Meng once more. "I … I shall place a request to Lu Su, that you may study under him."

Lu Meng fell to his knees, lowering his head and bowing repeatedly so that his forehead hit the floor multiple times. "Master Zhou Yu … I cannot express my gratitude! I thank you! Thank you! Ow!" Lu Meng rubbed the bruises on his forehead, blushing with embarrassment.

At last, Zhou Yu let himself succumb to a smile.

x . x . x . x

"So your favorite color is red?" asked Xiao Qiao, picking a daisy and throwing it at Lu Xun.

"N-no," stuttered the shy young Xun, catching the wilted flower and smushing it between his thumb and forefinger. "G-gold, actually."

"Gold?" Xiao Qiao grinned. "Your eyes are gold, Xun. --Can I call you Xun?"

"O-of course."

Han Dang, Cheng Pu, and Huang Gai watched from a balcony overlooking the palace garden, watching Lu Xun's pathetic responses to Xiao Qiao's cheerful banter.

"He's got an uncanny ability with the women," boomed Huang Gai, chuckling.

"Obviously learnt from the great master himself, Gan Ning," scoffed Cheng Pu, laughing along.

"Is there nobody in the palace who knows the ways of women?" asked Han Dang, sighing.

"Of course there is!" Huang Gai exclaimed. Next to Huang Gai, Cheng Pu sat up straighter, puffing out his chest and striking a heroic pose, clearing his throat humbly. Huang Gai winked at Han Dang before saying, "Sun Ce!"

Cheng Pu's chest deflated like a popped balloon. He shoved Huang Gai so that his friend crashed into the balcony, deep guffaws echoing all over the palace. "What about _me_?"

"What about you?" snorted Huang Gai, as he clutched his stomach and slapped one hand at the nearest solid object (which was, unfortunately, Han Dang's face) in sheer merriment. "The last woman you had was at a brothel! And you had to _pay_ her for it!"

"Take it back!" Cheng Pu waved a fist at his friend. "Take it back, you big buffoon!"

x . x . x . x

"So we're friends _now_, right?" Xiao Qiao's eyes stared straight into Lu Xun's. The boy was so red that a cherry would have been envious of his cheeks. Right to the tips of his ears, as a village elder might say.

x . x . x . x

The palace of Wu has seen many extraordinary things. But never was there stranger a sight than of Han Dang flying off the balcony – and landing straight on poor Lu Xun's head!

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **The Strategist**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: I am SO sorry for not only this short chapter, but also how slow this story is coming out. Aiya! (Still neglecting Da Qiao … forgive me, this chap was supposed to be longer)


	13. I'm Bored

**Sidenotes:** Must stop procrastinating. Must stop procrastinating. Must stop procrastinating.

Also, I've changed the genres of the fic to Humor/Romance rather than Action/Adventure/Romance. There's more humor than action and adventure so far. Besides, if I write anything serious in the future (GASP! Me, be _serious_?) then I want something to distinguish that. Even though I think this rewrite is far more serious than the original.

And I'm pretty sure I got the time of death for Sun Jian wrong (as in the season), but again, I point to the title and wait for you to say anything else about the matter.

I was also told that the plot's been muddling along through side-plots. I'll admit, it's true. Slap the lazy author. So I'm finally getting along with this. (Another reviewer asked about Lady Ma, and since it seems you guys miss her so much … don't worry! You'll be seeing plenty of her now! Teehee … just kidding, of course. Or am I?)

**Thank you's:** To the wonderful reviewers whom I love forever! Seriously, your comments keep this story chugging along (even at the slow pace it is …). Eternal thanks to **Adamantina** (or **Kat**, one and the same), **Valiowk**, **YanHworang**, **lilswtchibi**, **Sunflower**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **Sadistic Memory**, **DryTortugas**, **Mary**, **Empowerism**, **Commander Ce**, **stackles**, and **sage-serenity**. You guys are so much more important to this story than you think. _Ihr seid COOL!_ And I doubt I said that right. (Whoops, there's _one_ final failed … xP)

**Warning:** Anonymous reviewers can check the Author's Lounge in the link in my profile. That's where anon-review replies are now located. They should be labeled as such.

**Disclaimer:** Everyone in this chapter and, in fact, the entire fic, belongs to Koei (except the phrase "Girley-Men", which belongs to the Governator). This is except for the OC's, who belong to nobody. I don't hold a registered copyright over Lady Ma, after all. Which may or may not be a good thing. Though technically she is my creation.

Enough legal schmuck. Onward!

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Thirteen:** I'm Bored_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Running, running. Away from Zhou Yu's wife, with the soft honey-colored hair, wide innocent eyes. The sound of his feet slapping against the ground seemed to shoot through his ears and piece through his skull, as did the constant jingling of his bells. Soon, however, all was drowned out by the pumping of his heart, the throbbing in his head, the heaviness of his breath, the—

_CRASH!_

Why was it that the palace of Wu had pillars in all the wrong places? Gan Ning pried his face out of the stone, shoulders sagging. A cry of pain lay lodged somewhere within his throat, stuck there like an accidentally-swallowed fish bone. Why was life so cruel? Why? Wh—

And then he saw her.

She was beautiful. Gan Ning had apparently run to one of the dead ends of the halls, which was accompanied by a large balcony. The door leading to the balcony had been left open, and he could see her slender form through the open doorway. Everything about her seemed perfect: her rebelliously short haircut, the curve of her slender waist, the pants that flattered her legs. Clouds drifted, and the sun shone with all the fiery brightness that the woman on the balcony herself contained. Sun Shang Xiang, princess of Wu.

Her eyes seemed so strangely soft, and she was slowly and absentmindedly plucking the petals off of a withering rose while singing to herself. Her voice was muted but strong enough to be carried by the wind, in such a way that the whole palace seemed to ring as the echoes of her voice bounced off walls and filled the darkest, most silent corridors with faint whispers of her sad melody.

x . x . x . x

"I hear bells."

"What?" Sun Ce shot Zhou Yu a mystified glance. "Bells? What, are we in a monastery or something?"

Zhou Yu quickly shook his head. "That … _wasn't_ what I mean. I was just … thinking." His voice trailed off again as he listened to the sounds of nature coming from the garden, mingled with … _something else_. "What I meant was … I hear something ringing. Not like a bell, but like … music. It's …" Zhou Yu closed his eyes, trying to focus on the voice he heard. "… it's Shang."

"Serenading you with a love poem, I bet. Resist temptation, Yu! Resist!"

Sun Ce was met with a playful punch from his best friend. "You are a strange man, Sun Ce," Zhou Yu breathed into the garden.

"Strange?"

Both men turned around to face the feminine voice from behind them. Solemnly, Zhou Yu acknowledged her. "Lady Qiao." He then bowed ever so graciously, stepping forward to take her hand and kiss it.

"Hey! Back away! That's _my_ woman there!" Sun Ce shoved his best friend away and wrapped his arms around Da Qiao, planting a gentle kiss atop her head. "Are you okay, sugarplum?"

As the couple continued to converse, Sun Ce quickly turned his head just long enough to flash Zhou Yu a wink. Then he slowly began to lead his wife out of the garden.

Now Zhou Yu was alone. He never minded solitude; he rather relished it. As he began to compose poetry in his head, of bells and of the sunlight-filled afternoons that summer brings, he heard something. First a buzzing in his skull began, as if to warn him of impending danger. Then it came.

"Have you seen my sister?"

Slowly and thoughtfully, Zhou Yu turned to face her before meeting her wide-eyed, innocent gaze. "She left a few moments ago with Lord Sun Ce."

"Sun Ce? Not him … Great. Who's going to talk to me now?"

A long and awkward silence hung between the two, interrupted by only the cheerful warbling of the songbirds. Zhou Yu started to turn back around, taking in the beauty of his surroundings.

"Well, I'm bored."

He paused for a few moments, then turned back towards her almost hesitantly. "That's … very nice."

"Did I tell you? I made a new friend."

"…" Zhou Yu blinked, not even bothering to look the slightest bit interested in Xiao Qiao's social life.

"His name is Lu Xun."

"…"

"He got hurt and now he's in the hospital wing and now I'm bored."

Zhou Yu was about to keep silent again before deciding to speak. "To be honest, Lady Xiao Qiao … it concerns me not whether you are keeping yourself amused."

Xiao Qiao's tiny hands turned white from being clenched so tightly. "Is that _so_, Mr. Selfish?"

"Should it matter?" Zhou Yu raised one eyebrow into a cynical arch. "Should it? After all, we are not exactly friends."

"You're so pigheaded! I was _trying_ to be nice! … cretin."

"I … I am _not_ a cretin!" sputtered Zhou Yu.

"Filthy little dirtball. Louse. Slug. Goblin. Worm."

"W-why, I … that's … I don't know what to … this is …"

"And you're BORING! All you care about are BOOKS! Well, here's a news flash: BOOKS AREN'T PEOPLE! You can't _talk_ to a book! You can't _befriend_ a book! All you can do … is be a nerd!"

Zhou Yu, luckily, caught his composure before the volcano could erupt. "Scholarship is its own reward."

"Oh, is that so?" Xiao Qiao waggled a finger at him. "People like you should live in huts up in mountains. They shouldn't marry poor, defenseless women like me." – (Here Zhou Yu only barely managed to suppress a loud snort.) – "Life is about being happy. Men are supposed to _look_ like men, not long-haired, pale, skinny little girley-men like you!"

"I do _not_ look like a woman. But if that is your opinion …"

"You're so infuriating! Why don't you just die, huh? If you can't even be a _real_ man, then why bother living?"

This seemed to strike a nerve, judging by the way Zhou Yu began forcing his words through clenched teeth. "I will continue to _bother living,_ Lady Xiao, because I have reason to do so. Friends, family, loved ones …"

"Loved ones? You have _loved ones?_ Or, wait. You mean your _precious_ _library_."

Zhou Yu intook a deep breath. "Do you know what? I give up. _I give up._ If you wish me dead, so be it."

Xiao Qiao was confused. Wasn't he going to get angry about now?

"You destroyed more than you will ever know you destroyed. Would you like me to tell you about my book? About who gave it to me? About why I cherished it so? All you saw was a, quote-unquote, _NERD_. Yes, fine. Perhaps I _am_ a "nerd". Perhaps not. But why don't you try looking _deeper_ within next time, instead of making your own assumptions?" Zhou Yu's disgust was evident; he was almost ready to spit on her by the last three sentences.

"Because it's TRUE. You say _I_ make my own assumptions? At least I don't sit there with a little smirk on my face, because I'm a PERFECT LITTLE BASTARD like you!"

"I never said I was perfect."

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Xiao Qiao stood up to her full height, though she was still a good many inches shorter than her husband. "Like you're going to say it out loud! Silence speaks volumes. My new friend taught me that today. An _actual_ friend with a GOOD heart, unlike YOU, Mr. Grumpy!"

"I _have_ a good heart, thank you very much!" Zhou Yu's face began to redden. "I don't need you! I don't need this! You want me to die? I want me to die, too." He spun around, sat down, and began to pluck angrily at the grass.

A longer, even more awkward silence started unwinding. Wind whistled through the trees. The song continued to weave its way through the palace. At last, Xiao Qiao took a step forward and then spoke. "What if I apologized to you?"

Mere surprise could not express the multitudes of emotions Zhou Yu felt at hearing these words. Shock, disbelief, incredulity, astonishment … these hit closer to the mark. "_What?_"

x . x . x . x

These are the facts.

Fact. Ten minutes later, Xiao Qiao was no longer in the garden but at the training field, accompanied by Huang Gai, who was her instructor.

Fact. Meanwhile, Lu Xun suddenly woke up and subsequently hurled the contents of his stomach out the window.

Fact. Han Dang tripped on a puddle of a strangely putrid semi-liquid substance and was sent to the hospital wing.

Fact. Lady Li Mei, who was expecting combat lessons from Han Dang that day, was excused to do whatever she pleased.

Fact. Exactly an hour after the first occurrence, Sun Ce decided to use the bathroom and, along the way, spotted Gan Ning with his lips locked onto Sun Shang Xiang's.

Fact. Exactly fifteen minutes after the previous occurence, a disgusted Sun Ce stumbled into the garden to find Zhou Yu with his lips locked onto Lady Li Mei's.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **I'm Bored**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Bwahahaha. I "cliff'ed" it. Also, if you're going to ask why the fight scene wasn't explosive, well … I'm trying to keep as many characters as IC as possible here. Zhou Yu isn't the type to just go and have a shout match over being called a moron. The reason he fought with Xiao Qiao in one of the earlier chapters was because of the significance of the book. Which you were supposed to learn in this chapter, but I edited that part out. Guess you guys will have to wait. Why am I so evil? BWAHAHA! (lightning)


	14. Gossip King

**Sidenotes:** I am slowly warming to the DW5 version on Zhou Yu. Before, his deep voice bothered me. Now it seems to suit him. Random note there. Also, I rewrote this about fifty billion times. So it came out later than expected. This last version feels about right though, so I'll leave it at that.

**Thank you's:** This is beginning to sound a bit repetitive but … reviewers! Those of you who R n R deserve muchos credit. So, with that said, I HUGGETH YOU ALL! **KairiLuv**, **Valiowk**, **lilswtchibi**, **sage-serenity**, **xq-of-wu**, **Justinian14**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **Sunflower**, **stackles**,** YKH**, **RWT**, and **Empowerism** … you rock my, um, chicken pox. :D And thanks for all your constructive criticism. It really helps! I'm still acquiring this writer-y knowledge and stuff xP

**Warning:** The author is feeling extremely evil at the moment. Be warned, wary travelers.

**Style names in this chapter:** GONGFU- Huang Gai; GONGJIN- Zhou Yu

**Disclaimer:** I don't hold any claim of ownership over Dynasty Warriors, Koei, or any related parties. But that would be pretty sweet.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Fourteen:** Gossip Quee.. er, King_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Sun Ce's shoulders sagged as he pulled a pair of loose red pants onto his legs. "I can't figure him out. He's so … complicated. And bookish."

Da Qiao sighed, unwrapping the towel from her husband's head. Thick, wet clumps of hair fell over Sun Ce's shoulders; any fangirl who would happen to witness the sight would probably faint in sheer joy. Sun Ce? _Half-naked_ Sun Ce? Half-naked Sun Ce, fresh out of the bathhouse? _Squee!_ But Da Qiao loved Sun Ce for other reasons, namely his good heart and … okay, because he was hot, too. That had helped. Now she was becoming acquainted with the fact that Sun Ce knew _everything_ that went on in the palace. No other woman in Wu got to hear as much gossip as Da Qiao!

"Don't worry about them." Da Qiao gave Sun Ce one of her small, secretive smiles.

"How can I _not_ worry, with Ma in the picture?" Sun Ce's eyebrows furrowed. "What happened _last_ time was bad enough! This is, like, that times two!"

Da Qiao's smile deepened. "What neither Zhou Yu nor Xiao Qiao realizes is that they are perfect for each other. Do you want the red-and-gold robe or the red robe?"

"Red," replied Sun Ce. "How are they perfect for each other?"

Playfully, Da Qiao slapped her husband on the head as she slipped his arms through his robe's sleeves and fastened the ties on the front. "Silly. Haven't you ever heard of _opposites attract_? –where's the comb?"

"On your desk, in one of the drawers, pumpkin. But the opposites thing … old stuff. Yu hates that. And I learn all my philosophical wisdomish things from him."

"Have you asked the Lady Sun yet about Gan Ning?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do that later. You know. When I'm done being freaked out about this whole Ma thing. Plus, I'd rather not think about--"

"—your baby sister with a man." A comb ran through Sun Ce's hair. Da Qiao smiled as she worked her magic on all of his knots and tangles.

"She's too young," Sun Ce vented. "And stupid. I mean, come on. _Gan Ning?_ Of all people? Even Yu was a better choice than that! And Yu has, like, girl-phobia or something. Except with Ma, of all people. These guys have no taste. Unlike me, of course." The couple walked to the bed and sat on its edge. Ce cuddled Da, smiling. "See? I'm the luckiest guy in the world. At least _I_ know how to pick a spouse."

This time it was their lips that met. "I love you too."

x . x . x . x

"You're training hard today, Xia—Lady Xiao, I mean."

"You can call me Xiao." Xiao Qiao launched a particularly severe charge attack on Huang Gai, who easily parried the move and threw the girl a bit aggressively onto the ground. Dirt and dust entered her mouth; Xiao Qiao gagged and spat out a mouthful of wet sand.

"Try again. You're putting too much strain on your arms. Propel your whole body forward; maybe you'll even knock me over, _Xiao._"

Xiao Qiao tried again. This time Huang Gai was thrown back about three inches, while Xiao Qiao again tasted the dirt as her face met the ground. "Good. Now try again."

As Xiao Qiao sighed in displeasure, trying to wash her mouth with saliva to somehow get rid of the grit, she heard the swift whirls of a blade spinning through the air towards her, finally hitting the ground with a sharp though slightly muffled _clang!_ Xiao Qiao looked at the dagger that lay a foot from her head, then sat up to see the Lady Ma flashing her an obviously feigned smile. "Lady Xiao Qiao! What a surprise to see you here!"

Huang Gai growled, swung his Shadow Rod through the air, and barged towards the slender beauty. "What are you thinking? You could have killed her!"

"Do you distrust my skills, General Huang?"

"I doubt Gongfu does not trust your skills, Lady Li Mei; rather, I would say he does not trust _you_," Zhou Yu intervened. Immediately Huang Gai dropped to one knee, lowering his head in respect. The strategist seemed to materialize out naught but air particles, colder than ever. As Xiao Qiao regained her footing, she was yanked down onto her knees by Huang Gai, who flashed her a glare. Right. Something about status, ranks, respect … probably another lesson Xiao Qiao had slept through.

Something caught Xiao's attention: the Lady Ma did not kneel. Rather, she advanced closer to Zhou Yu, who nearly stumbled back with a startled expression on his face. Smiling ever so cunningly, the Lady Ma stroked the side of his cheek with the back of her delicate hand. "Lord Gongjin, what brings you here?" she purred.

"Aren't you supposed to be practicing archery today?" asked Huang Gai, standing up and challenging Ma with virulence in his eyes. "You know. Seducing _other_ defenseless men."

"_Defenseless?_ Are you talking about _him?_ … because he surely wasn't defenseless _yesterday!_"

"Yesterday?" Huang Gai turned to Zhou Yu. "Master Zhou Yu, of what does the young fool speak?"

"Nothing of importance," Zhou Yu forced through gritted teeth, staring straight into Ma's eyes with such a perforating gaze that he might as well have been sticking swords into her. He was daring her to speak, and, by the Heavens, did she take that chance.

"Did it mean nothing to you then?"

"Well, truthfully … _yes._ It meant nothing."

"It meant absolutely _nothing?_" Ma's voice hit a register that even dogs might have trouble hearing.

"What meant absolutely nothing?" Huang Gai was practically taking notes by now.

Ignoring Huang Gai, Ma drove a finger forcefully into Zhou Yu's chest. "I challenge you to a duel, _Master Gongjin_. And let's see if it truly meant nothing."

"And I accept your offer, _Lady Li Mei_." Zhou Yu spun around, dismissing the conversation and drawing his steel sword from its sheath.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Gossip Quee.. er, King**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: I know you guys were probably dying to see how Zhou Yu explains himself, but I cut that part out due to the fact that **a)** it was extremely lame, **b)** it didn't feel right, and **c)** the tone was MUCH too serious – I mean, two serious chapters in a row? My head is exploding! Gaahh!

Oh, and don't you love Sun Ce's eloquence and articulation? XP Actually, he's difficult to write because I spent about five minutes playing his character in DW (I cheated using the second-player option, choosing to employ Zhou Yu's mad skillz on level whatever instead).

(I made the fourth page this time … sowwee.) Also more apologies for the shortness.


	15. Crossing Swords

**Sidenotes:** I am so extraordinarily excited. Chapter Fifteen, folks, is the first chapter I have actually had planned out beforehand. I had everything pictured exactly in my mind before it was written. However, it didn't get written any faster … go figure. Many apologies due. I did try to lengthen it to make up for the last chapter, though. This one is less than three hundred words short of my set goal of two thousand.

PS – I have Kingdom Hearts II, so in case you might think I'm dead … I can probably be found in front of my PS2 xD

**Thank you's:** Readers, for your undying reading-ness. Reviewers, for your undying support (that includes **Justinian 14**, **KairiLuv**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **lilswtchibi**, **Sunflower**, **RWT**, **YKH**, **Valiowk**, **Empowerism**, **Casey Crowell**, **Jee Jee May**, **Dark Falco3000**, **xq-of-wu**, and **moodygal**!)

**Warning:** Petty violence; just a duel. No gushing wounds or anything; "Chronicles of Narnia" was probably more violent than this chapter xP (Nice movie, by the way; I loved zee beavers)

**Style names in this chapter:** _Gongin –_ Zhou Yu, _Gongfu_ – Huang Gai

**Embarrassing Moment:** Okay, **Shorty196** caught me being unable to count to numbers higher than three! Thank you.

**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fanfiction. I still have no rights over the characters, character design, etc.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Fifteen:** Crossing Swords_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Hurry and get out of the way." Knowing better than to stay within range of their weapons, Huang Gai grabbed Xiao Qiao by the arm and dragged her with him until they were a safe distance away. "This should be an interesting battle."

Ma plucked her daggers from the ground, immediately springing to a defensive position. "You choose the wrong foe, Gongjin! I am head of the archer units, and I have mastered the art of dagger-throwing. I have hit men who hide behind rocks, trees, houses … Run away, but I shall hit you still!"

"I do not question your aim; however, I must admit that I have questioned your lack of evident brainpower more than a couple of times." Zhou Yu advanced, unfazed by her impressive resumé. "I have fought you before. A fight against you can be summarized in four words: everything is for show."

A dagger whizzed through the air, but Zhou Yu was quicker and cast it to the ground with his sword. "The knife travels with impressive speed … you have obviously been practicing."

"I won't lose to you this time. You cannot spurn me in such a manner and expect to win over me in a duel."

The smile Zhou Yu wore, a tight-lipped, cynical one, carried not the slightest shred of affection. "I beg to differ; for in my eyes, you are all talk and no skill, as stated before."

Huang Gai winced from the sidelines at their acrimonious exchanges. "I might say the same of you!" Ma returned. "You think you're _that_ clever and wonderful, don't you. Well, enough of this talking. Let your sword speak in place of your tongue, _sir_, and let the duel begin."

Eyes bearing a strangely serene overcast, Zhou Yu raised his sword to give her the standard salute. Ma returned his salute before dropping her arms and holding her daggers at ready.

Thus began the duel between Zhou Yu, the strategist, and the Lady Li Mei.

x . x . x . x

"_The biggest mistake you can make in combat ever, no exceptions, is to let down your guard for even a second. Is there a bee flittering over in the farthest corner of your eye? Don't care. Is an extraordinarily pretty girl smiling over at you from a different angle? Don't care. Focus on your enemy. You should be aware of your surroundings, but do not concentrate on them completely. That is the mistake most recruits make. There should be no excuse for poor guard."_

All the advice Zhou Yu had ever received in his lifetime ran through his head. He wouldn't allow himself to lose this fight. He had lost to her mentally … he would _not_ lose to her physically, not ever. A temporary lack of judgment was to blame. Really, it wasn't his fault at all, and he had to prove that to her …

_She's attacking. Stop daydreaming. Draw closer. She's worthless in close combat._ Zhou Yu watched her body spin around multiple times, and at the same time watched the Lady Li Mei release daggers from her hands in sort of a centrifugal effect. Immediately, Zhou Yu brought up his sword to deflect them.

"I pity your weakness," he taunted her, drawing nearer and releasing a fire orb. Heat radiated from the small, glowing red sphere. Heat on his face, on his arms, his lips, his chest. The explosions of heat he had felt that day, all of it returned and only served to make him angrier. She made him feel like this. He wasn't supposed to. _You were supposed to freeze, to become ice, to become cold._ Nothing was right. His body grew sore and tired. Too much heat, too much thinking, too much stress, too much of the Lady Ma. His mind faintly registered the explosion of the orb and the figure Li Mei cut as she flew through the air, landing harshly on her back far away from whatever weaponry she had been holding. Zhou Yu approached quickly, before she could regain arms. The heat left him; the anger did not, and it surged forth and burned at his throat and flamed in his eyes. He brought up his sword to attack her. Here he hesitated for a second, as his rational mind took over, then turned his sword around so that the blunt edge instead of the sharp edge was the one that connected with her collarbone with a loud _crack_.

The Lady Li Mei screamed and fell backwards, unconscious. Zhou Yu's eyes widened and his anger left him. _It isn't possible for her bones to grow weaker, is it? She wasn't so delicate before._ In any case, he fell to his knees and held her head in his arms, shaking her for a few seconds. When she didn't move, he gently tugged the neckline of her dress down a tiny bit and ran his fingers over her collarbone. He had bruised it, but the bone did not seem broken. _Odd; so she faints from bruising now?_ So much for the head of the archer units.

Medics who swooned at her beauty soon rushed over to tend to her wound. The Lady Li Mei was transported to the medical ward, which, oddly enough, was receiving its third patient in two days.

x . x . x . x

Xiao Qiao rushed to find Da Qiao, nearly exploding with excitement. The duel had been very exciting, and she could hardly _wait_ to rattle off the details to her older sister. She was almost reluctant, recalling the image of Zhou Yu standing above the fallen Li Mei, his sword pointed to the ground and his long hair fluttering in the wind. Then she shook her head. _I sound like one of those "fangirl" specimens … Yech!_

In the meantime, Huang Gai sought out Zhou Yu, who had made it almost impossible for anyone to find him. Guards, including a particularly stubborn one named Qi, rendered his chambers virtually impenetrable, except by Zhou Yu himself. The library, Huang Gai decided, contained too many people – he was sure Zhou Yu had gone to spend some time alone. That also ruled out the dining hall, and the training field had long since been abandoned by the resident pretty-man of Wu.

So, instead, Huang Gai tried asking the guards (politely, of course) whether or not they had seen Zhou Yu. Of course, they had not, and even if they had, they didn't look like they intended to reveal his whereabouts anytime within the next forty-eight milleniums. Sighing dejectedly, Huang Gai strode through the halls, wondering where in the world Zhou Yu could be.

Then, _CRASH!_ Huang Gai ran into a pillar. He sighed, wondering why it was that the palace of Wu had pillars in all the wrong places. Rubbing the bruise on his head, he stepped away from the pillar, muttering …

… and then he saw him. Huang Gai had discovered a balcony that filled the dead end of that particular hallway, coincidentially the same balcony Gan Ning had come across Sun Shang Xiang the previous day, though Huang Gai was not to know that. This time, moonlight streamed forth, and plenty of it, seeing how the moon was nearly full. Zhou Yu had left the door to the balcony open, allowing anyone who happened to pass by to see the dignified man sitting on a bench. Huang Gai rushed forward, and hearing the clanking of the armor and the heavy footsteps, Zhou Yu turned to see who approached.

"What's wrong?" Huang Gai ventured nearer to the strategist, his steps slow and cautious. Zhou Yu's expression was one of deep thought and perhaps of sadness. Huang Gai could never tell. Sometimes Zhou Yu spent so much time hiding his emotions that Huang Gai had to wonder if he even knew what they felt like anymore.

Zhou Yu turned away again so that his back faced Huang Gai. Determined to have his question answered, Huang Gai walked closer and closer until he stood side-by-side with the long-haired man by the balcony, resting his hands on the cold masonry. "You have a bit of explaining to do, you know that? Everybody was wondering where you went afterwards."

A smile caught Zhou Yu's face, though the strategist continued his refusal to meet Huang Gai's steadfast gaze. He grinned, letting out a small chuckle. "It's funny how these things work."

"What things?" Huang Gai's eyes narrowed as he too looked off in the distance, wondering how many stars there were.

Silence. Huang Gai's fogged breath dissipated into the cold night air.

"I swore I would close myself off, forever," was Zhou Yu's reply. "But, I've realized it … I've realized … I never stopped loving her all along." Zhou Yu's voice went softer and softer. The last part was, in fact, hardly audible. Huang Gai strained to hear the words, but when their meaning sank in, the veteran was caught by surprise.

"The Lady Ma—Li Mei?"

"You don't have to be so formal with me, Gongfu. Aren't we friends?" Frowning, Zhou Yu struggled to change his words. "No. 'Friends' sounds odd. Comrades, then. Or acquaintances. Or perhaps we should stick with strangers, eh?"

"_Eh?" From ZHOU YU'S mouth!_ "Friends then. It's just … sad how it's only happening 'cause of the war."

"The land is in turmoil, true, but I have faith in my lord." Zhou Yu lowered his head, then shook it. "No, what am I saying. I've strayed off topic." First he shook the bangs from his eyes, then he looked at Huang Gai straight in the eyes. The movement held the air of mustered courage to it. "Yes, Gongfu, I am in love with the Lady." A pause, then more speech. "I must defeat this … it is ironic. I should not even care about her anymore. I was supposed to defeat her physically today. I was testing myself. Did I really and truly still love her? If I did not love her, I would be able to destroy her. Only I now know that by defeating her, I have in fact solidified the fact that I have always loved her. I wanted that much to be rid of her. And … it will not be easy. She will always be here to steer me off course, but I have a faint idea of what I should be responsible for in the meantime."

"What're you going to do?"

Zhou Yu exhaled. "I will … I will fall in love with my wife."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Crossing Swords**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: I'm horrible at writing action and proofreading during the early morning hours. But what do you guys think?


	16. Why Strategists Hate Hospitals

**Sidenotes:** Recognizing the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS FANFICTION (technically April 19, but I was late)! Woot woot! We've come this far! And because of this very special event, I'm going to … umm … er … yeah. Do something cool. Actually, I made the chapter as long as I possibly could in celebration, and sorry for making the fourth page (and possibly later, depending on when I actually get this posted up). Almost two thousand, five hundred words of pure content. Yeayuh.

And yes, I'm on chapter sixteen, and it's been a year … _sweatdrops_ … Anyway, I originally intended this to be twenty-five chapters at most, so technically it's pretty far. Although now I think it'll be at least thirty. Go figure. Sorry if the plot's been dragging; I tend to drag things out, mainly because I don't like things rushed in stories ("Romeo and Juliet" never ceases to amuse me).

**Thank you's:** Heart zee loyal fanbase XD **KairiLuv**, **lilswtchibi**, **Sunflower**, **stackles** (twice :P), **Justinian14**, **RWT**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **xq-of-wu and Srt**, **YKH**, **Snow Gnat**, **Anonymous**, **weixuan18**, and **sage-serenity**. And to Kat, since I was extremely tempted to use her Inigo Montoya (sp?) joke: "Prepare to die." Man, the Princess Bride was so awesome :D Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to your awesomeness, all of you!

**Warning:** Swearing, because Gan Ning's in this chapter.

**Style names in this chapter:** I do not believe there are any, though with my memory, there could be many. It rhymed, lyk lol i dun rly car. Yes, I'm feeling _very_ special today. How did you know?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these funny Chinese people with spears and bad voice actors (Sima Yi! SOB!).

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Sixteen:** Why Strategists Hate Hospitals_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Night passed, and day came promptly to replace it, just as it always had. Huang Gai, as it turned out, would not hear from Zhou Yu again until exactly six and a half days later, or even see his face. During that time, Huang Gai had been curiously mulling over what Zhou Yu's next move might be but, as far as he knew (and he knew a lot, since Xiao Qiao did not inherit her sister's ability to hold her tongue), there had been none as of yet. In fact, if anything, Xiao Qiao seemed to be spending more time with Lu Xun than Zhou Yu. It was a curious fact, but not one that Huang Gai was utterly surprised at. Zhou Yu still had a long way to go in the romance department.

A bit _more_ than six and a half days, to be exact.

x . x. x . x

"What's the first thought that enters your mind after you wake up?"

Lu Xun turned curiously towards Xiao Qiao as he propped himself up in the hospital bed. "Wh-why?"

In turn, Xiao leaned so close to Lu Xun that their faces nearly touched, and the image of two extraordinarily magnified eyes filled the young boy's vision. Startled, Lu Xun jumped and looked away, blushing with embarrassment.

"I just want to know."

_What DID I think of this morning? Oh, yeah._ Lu Xun smiled. "I was thinking about how I'm feeling better," he admitted, a touch triumphantly.

"So I was right! You _are_ an aposive person!"

Lu Xun's brow crinkled in incomprehension. "A … _what?_"

"Um … what was it. An offamist? Offa … occa … oppa …"

"You mean optimist?"

Xiao Qiao grinned, causing Lu Xun to blush again. "I knew it started with an 'O'."

Predicting yet another long, awkward silence, Lu Xun decided to take initiative. "So, um, La— Xi-Xiao … what about y-you?"

"What about me?"

Lu Xun tried again. "Wh-what's the first though-thought that enters _your_ mind after you wake up?"

Just as Xiao Qiao opened her mouth to reply, the door flew open with the _bang_ of a cannon being fired, and a loud, angry shout sounded from the hallway outside the infirmary.

"DAMMIT! HOLY MOTHEREFFING CRAP, THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST MOTHEREFFING ASS HANGOVER IN THE ENTIRE MOTHEREFFING WORLD! _OWW!_ DON'T HIT ME, SHANG! IT MAKES THINGS _WORSE!_"

x . x . x . x

"Dammit, Shang, that really _hurts!_" Scowling, Gan Ning glared at the princess of Wu, who was doing a rather awful job of suppressing her cat-like smirk.

"Then don't drink! And stop cussing!"

Face met palm. Gan Ning rolled his eyes. "_Women!_ It's not that easy! I'm a pirate, remember!"

"Oh, just give up with the whole pirate act. You're not a pirate anymore; you're a general of Wu. An idiot-general at that."

"But a pirate at heart," replied Gan Ning, completely missing the insult.

A growl found its way out of Sun Shang Xiang's throat, and with each successive word she drove an accusing finger deeper into his chest. "If you're such a _pirate_, why don't you go back to drinking away your life and killing innocents? Oh, and cavorting around with scantily clad prostitutes sporting enormous boobage and overlarge buttocks. That was fun too, wasn't it?"

"You're just jealous that _you_ didn't get to do any of that stuff." Seeing Sun Shang Xiang raise an eyebrow, Gan Ning thought hard about what he'd just said and, after pausing, rushed to correct his mistake. "It – I mean – what I meant to say was – they wouldn't have let women into – well, they might have, since you don't count as one – ah, dam—I mean, _curse_ it. I wasn't swearing, Shang, I really wasn't! Don't hit me! Don't hit—OWW!"

It was then, strictly by coincidence, that a messenger flew through the halls, gasping loudly for breath. Huang Gai had been eavesdropping on Xiao Qiao again, hoping to spot Zhou Yu finally courting her, but had given up instead to quiet the argument between Sun Shang Xiang and her pirate. Zhou Yu himself had been walking by with incredible speed, his gaze fixed at the ground and lost in deep thought. Huang Gai's eyes widened in surprise and pleasure; he had _finally_ caught the strategist! _Finally!_ Just as he began to celebrate his small victory, a streak of red rushed across his vision, crashing straight into Zhou Yu before anyone could even open their mouths to speak.

The red streak, as it turned out, was the messenger, who knocked Zhou Yu to the floor and landed on top of him, hands fisted around the cloth at the front of the strategist's robes. Zhou Yu began to speak, but the messenger's trumpetlike shout successfully drowned out any noise within a seven-mile radius. "_THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE PALACE GATE!_" Comically, he also shook his hands to emphasize his point, lifting Zhou Yu's body into the air and then slamming it back into the hard stone floor several times, almost like the famed strategist was a puppet or a little girl's play doll.

Zhou Yu winced as though in pain, though it was more from indignance in his case. His hands were trapped somewhere beneath either the messenger's body or his own, rendering him wholly unable to shove the man (and his loud voice) into a closet somewhere – a very _deep_ closet.

"Yes," Zhou Yu half-choked and half-coughed the words out, almost testily, as soon as the shaking had stopped. The messenger's wild eyes began to return to normal, and his breathing was steadying. Seeing that the messenger had settled down a bit, Zhou Yu tried Step Two. "May I kindly ask that you please remove yourself from … "

Too late. The messenger's eyes, now focused on something other than Zhou Yu, had once again widened into impossibly large proportions. "_HE'S THREATENING TO TAKE GAN NING'S HEAD! OR ELSE!"_

Frowning, Huang Gai decided to intervene. "And what might this person call himself--"

"Ling Tong. Son of Ling Cao." All heads swiveled towards the lone figure standing at the end of the hall, whose eyes were obscured by the shadows cast by his bangs, even in broad daylight. Nobody needed to see his _eyes_, however, in order to know that this man was definitely angry. As hell.

"And I want _his_ head." While one of Ling Tong's hands remained tightly clenched over a pair of nunchucks, another hand lifted itself with a forceful precision, jabbing a finger straight towards Gan Ning's direction as though he intended to send a volley of arrows after it.

"_His_ head? Surely you don't mean _his_ head, sir! I mean, we don't speak Chinese! You come to wrong place! You be _bad_ man! _Baad!_"

Sun Shang Xiang knelt, clapped her hand over the messenger's mouth, and forcefully shoved him off of Zhou Yu, who breathed deeply to refill his lungs and nodded in her direction to thank her. Sun Shang Xiang nodded back, and Zhou Yu quickly got to his feet, dusting off the front of his shirt to smooth out all of the wrinkles. He then looked up and bowed slightly at the waist in greeting. "Ling Tong. I have heard of you … and your father."

"He was killed by that bastard! I will avenge his death!"

Gan Ning belched. The shadows around Ling Tong's face darkened at such insult, and Zhou Yu shot his most disapproving glance at the ex-pirate, who merely shrugged. "It's in the past though, isn't it?"

If not for Huang Gai, it is doubtful that Ling Tong's rage would ever have lessened, as it did. In fact, sadly for Gan Ning, one of his unfortunate talents was his ability to provoke another person's anger. His others included habitual drinking, use of "excessively colorful" language, and … well, his way with women has already spoken quite vividly for itself.

The veteran immediately interrupted before either man could open his mouth. "Ling Cao would've stopped you guys from tearing each other apart, but I guess that's my job now, eh?" Seeing Ling Tong hesitate, Huang Gai was encouraged and grinned emphatically. "I am Huang Gai. I was a friend of your father's."

Zhou Yu watched, rather impressed. He had to hand it to Huang Gai's friendly nature – after all, it was not the first time Huang Gai had managed to twist a hostile situation into a peaceful one. He noticed Gan Ning's mouth open to add something, and thinking quickly, "tripped" over his own robes, making sure to "accidentally" grab Gan Ning's legs and yank them out from under him. Too busy yelping in surprise to say anything else, the pirate was efficiently silenced – well, as silent as Gan Ning could ever be, anyhow. The important thing was that no words were escaping his mouth, besides the string of profanities he was letting loose.

"I apologize," said Zhou Yu, trying to seem genuine, though he could feel the laughter tugging at the corners of his mouth. Zhou Yu took a moment so that he would not shatter his emotional mask, and then continued. "I did not mean to cause you bodily harm, General." Then Zhou Yu rose to his feet and bowed gently.

While Huang Gai began to gradually lead Ling Tong away from the area, Zhou Yu made certain to keep Gan Ning from following, though he was sure his words were becoming very repetitive. He made sure to use as extensive of a vocabulary as he could, so that it would seem as though he was actually saying something besides, "I'm sorry".

When Zhou Yu had gotten to, "Exclusively, the fault of the execution of such an antipathetic vice is assumed by my own person, and I can only hope that you will accept my admission of such an error rather than accuse me of belligerence in my mannerisms, because I can only express with the sincerest regret that I have transgressed, to my own chagrin, the known principles of common courtesy", he noticed that both Ling Tong and Huang Gai were gone, and that Gan Ning was looking at him with such confusion in his face that he might as well have been talking to a flea. Yes, everything had gone according to plan.

"I sincerely hope that we shall continue this at another time," concluded Zhou Yu. "As for now, I have business to attend to." When his back faced the pirate, he smirked triumphantly and made to leave. He might have made it, too, if the whole thing hadn't been occurring right by the door to the hospital wing.

x . x . x . x

After Huang Gai had finished calming down Ling Tong enough so that the boy could at least go to sleep instead of attempting to cut off Gan Ning's head (though the thought was more than tempting, even for the old veteran), he decided to find the room used as a gathering place for councils of war. The musty smell of the aged, browning parchments was always enough to calm him down. Seeing the models of strategies left behind by the last users was always a comfort to him. Something about those simple red and blue blocks trooping up some distant mountaintop left him with a sense that everything was alright and under control. It was a delusion, yes, but a comforting one. Or, since all delusions were comforting, a _more_ comforting one.

It took a while for him to notice that somebody else entered the room, and it took him even longer to notice that another presence besides his own occupied the room. When he did, he almost fell off his chair.

"Zhou Yu?"

Zhou Yu walked over to a table bearing a large model of one of Sun Jian's earlier campaigns and dumped an armful of scrolls onto the model terrain of some obscure and long-dead lord's fortress. He then pulled out a chair and practically fell into it, sighing deeply. He leaned back against the back of the chair, letting his posture slump and his eyes fall closed.

"It is a disaster."

"What's a disaster?" asked Huang Gai.

Zhou Yu's chuckle was filled with a sort of irony. "My plan."

"Your plan?" Huang Gai grew excited, and all of his anxieties left him. _Yes! Finally!_

"With the Lady Xiao."

"What kind of disaster?"

Again, a smile found its way to Zhou Yu's lips, and his eyes opened to reveal his exhaustion. "If I was running a mission as disastrous, I would have ordered retreat. Immediate retreat."

Huang Gai shook his head sympathetically. "What happened?"

"The Lady Li Mei caught me passing by the hospital ward. I had to go see her, only the Lady Xiao Qiao was there as well, with Lu Xun. Lu Xun was actually a great help; as he is my student, it was perfectly normal for me to visit him and wish him well. But as for the women … I greeted the Lady Xiao Qiao, and Li Mei erupted into tears. I distanced myself from her, but she would not stop, and she hurled her mug of water at me until I paid attention to her. The Lady Xiao Qiao did not seem to care, although when I attempted to speak to her in a normal conversation, she was extraordinarily rude, and the Lady Li Mei was wailing in the background all the time. Horrible, horrible. I had an equally horrible headache as soon as I left."

"Well, you know. These things take time. It won't happen immediately."

Zhou Yu gave the closest thing to a snort he would ever give. "I think I have figured that out already."

"Lucky guess."

x . x . x . x

"So you're Lu Xun, eh? I've heard about you."

"Really?" Lu Xun blushed. It was his first day out of the hospital, and he had already met a new friend … as though he didn't have enough of them already.

"You're reputed to be some sort of genius." Ling Tong shrugged, turning to Xiao Qiao. "And _you_ are the wife of Zhou Yu, correct?"

The pretty, light-haired girl frowned at the reference to her ill-loved husband. "Xiao Qiao. Pleased to meet you."

"And Lu Meng." Lu Meng extended his hand and Ling Tong shook it, smiling. _He seems friendly enough_, thought Lu Xun happily. _But where's Ning? It's already noon. He's slept in late again._

"Rise 'n shine! Did I keep ya guys waiting?"

Gan Ning spotted the new guest and stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening in recognition. "Hey, it's that kid!"

Ling Tong's face darkened. "It's _you._"

"What're you doing with _my_ friends?" Gan Ning's eyes narrowed.

"_Your_ friends?" Ling Tong's eyes narrowed back.

Yes, it was the start of a beautiful "friendship".

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Why Strategists Hate Hospitals**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: I'd been meaning to add Ling Tong for a while now. Really. I have. Okay, no I haven't. I do realize that in the game, Gan Ning comes after Ling Tong, so it was rather difficult to switch that around, but I promise I'll pay more attention to that part of the story as well, while not making this into another fifty-chapter deal.

I've just realized that I'm making Huang Gai into a pretty big role. Hee hee, force of habit, but I rather like it, since he barely shows his face in fanfics. I need to drag in Cheng Pu and Han Dang again.


	17. I'm Not Listening!

**Sidenotes:** Hey guys! I'll keep this short, for once. Writer's block hath murdered me. The authoress begs forgiveness, yet again. However, I did get the plot moving a bit. Hope you like it.

**Thank you's:** Thanks to you cool reviewing people! That includes **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **xq-of-wu and Srt**, **RWT**, **sage-serenity**, **KairiLuv**, **Sunflower**, **weixuan18**, **lilswtchibi**, **Justinian14**, and **Adamantina**! There are probably some ghosters, too, so I thank you, too, for even looking at this :D And I also thank the YueYingNet Heights and Ages list. Ling Tong is surprisingly tall, by the way.

**Warning:** Extraordinary apologies - I think my writing skills deteriorated into some sort of slimy mush while I was writing this chapter.

**Style names in this chapter:** None

**Disclaimer:** "DYNASTY WARRIORS and the KOEI logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of KOEI Co., Ltd." That was from the booklet. Listen to the booklet.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Seventeen:** I'm Not Listening!_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Sun Ce, you cannot go."

"Why not?" Sun Ce stood up sharply and pounded his fist on Zhou Yu's desk, though the strategist only raised an eyebrow in response.

"Because we must plan the expedition in advance. We aren't familiar with the Wu territory and its conditions. If you don't recall, your father's expedition was supposed to correct that problem."

Sun Ce jaws clenched when Zhou Yu mentioned his father. "Planning? Strategy? We'll do 'em later!" The Wu lord's eyes shone of enthusiasm, a sign that Zhou Yu knew didn't exactly guarantee trouble, but … okay, maybe it did guarantee trouble.

"And that is beside the fact that the Qiaos have not been instructed to a point in which it would be appropriate to allow them into battle," Zhou Yu continued, his voice held carefully even.

"Then don't bring them! I don't want Da to get hurt, anyway," Sun Ce declared stubbornly, crossing his arms to further emphasize his point.

"However, the Lady Xiao Qiao has insisted on accompanying me to the next battle. Or, rather, simply going into the next battle, since I am not of her utmost concern." Zhou Yu allowed himself a small smile before continuing. "If the Lady Xiao Qiao wishes to go, you will be expected to take along the Lady Da Qiao, and then, to join all of the other women, a certain head of the archer units will undoubtedly wish to come along."

"Then let's go, while she's still whining away about her poor health in the hospital bed!" Sun Ce grinned triumphantly, mood brightening. "All the more reason!"

"Ce … it's not always that simple."

Sun Ce pouted, then put on a strict face in imitation of his best friend. " '_It's not always that simple_. Nyah, nyah, nyah. I'm Zhou Yu and I'm boring and I hate anything that sounds like fun.' Well, d'you know what, Yu? It's not always that complicated. We could just leave right now and say you forgot. That excuse always works for _me_."

Zhou Yu sighed, reaching the end of his patience. "Yes. That excuse always works for _you_, Ce, because you have both the attention span and the memory of a child that has been dropped repeatedly on its head. _I_, on the other hand …"

"You keep saying that to yourself!" Sun Ce put his hands on his hips and glared at Zhou Yu as though he were a six-year-old, instead of the son of the Tiger of Jiang Dong. "No wonder you don't have any fun!"

"Ce, I just don't want you to do anything foolish." Zhou Yu felt a crick forming at the back of his neck. Oh, Heavens … why?

Sun Ce clapped his hands over his ears, mocking Zhou Yu with his eyes. "Blah blah blah. I'm not _listening … !_"

x . x . x . x

"Sun Ce, that … that … _child!_" Zhou Yu slammed a fist on his desk in frustration; the delicately-carved piece of wood shuddered, as though cowering from the general. Sun Ce was his best friend of many years, true, and the two had sworn brotherhood. Nevertheless, there was clearly a difference in maturity between them.

He sighed, knowing that by the next day, Sun Ce's smile would be unwavering and apologetic, and Zhou Yu would have long since forgiven him. Sun Ce's strength was that he had so many faults and yet was not afraid to address them. He was so human. And that was why so many people loved him.

And childish, his childishness be cursed. Sun Ce's brain had hardly grown a centimeter since his third birthday. Zhou Yu was sure of it.

Zhou Yu felt tired. It was already dark, after all. Xiao Qiao had taken up the entire bed like she did every night, and Zhou Yu knew that he was resigned to the dull fate of either a night at his desk or a night against the door. Memory of his last night against the door immediately erased that possibility from his mind: Sun Ce had eagerly burst into the room the next morning, nearly taking out Zhou Yu's back.

"So it's the desk, then," Zhou Yu muttered to himself. He cleared all of his things to another side of the desk, making sure to put a paperweight on top of his pile of papers so that the breezes would not send them flying away. Then he folded his arms on top of his desk and rested his head on them, going to sleep.

x . x . x . x

"He's _what?_"

The messenger sent around a furtive glance before repeating the dreaded words to Long, one of Zhou Yu's trusted attendants (Qi was busy redirecting a rather tenacious group of fangirls at the other side of the hall).

"Lord Sun Ce departed last night with the rest of his army."

Unfortunately for the messenger, Long was just about as peace-loving as Qi was lenient, and the messenger rapidly began to sense his misfortune.

"Why wasn't Lord Zhou Yu informed earlier?" demanded Long, hands gripping the poor messenger's neck so tightly that he nearly strangled the man.

"It was under Sun Ce's orders. Please don't kill me!" squeaked the messenger, hands rising to his neck.

"Orders!" scoffed Long, pacing the hall furiously with the messenger's collar crumpled in his hands, the poor man crying out and trying to break loose. "Lord Sun Ce could get himself _killed_ without first consulting Lord Zhou Yu about –" Long froze, dropping the messenger, who landed with a surprised shout.

"Consulting me about what?" asked Zhou Yu, looking slightly amused. The messenger glanced over and, seeing Lord Zhou Yu, breathed deeply in regret. The strategist rarely wore a smile; the messenger hated to erase it.

But the messenger needn't have worried – Long would get the job done for him. Long now stood quivering in his anger, turning a shade of purple previously thought attainable only by beets. "My lord, this fool of a messenger here" – at this moment, Long took the moment to tug on one of the messenger's ears rather harshly, receiving a yelp for his efforts – "has waited until _this_ hour to tell you that Lord Sun Ce left last night with his army, thoroughly without your permission." Disguising his movements as a humble bow, Long shoved the messenger to the floor and kicked him.

And when Long rose from his "bow", Zhou Yu was gone.

"Zhou Yu! Lord Zhou Yu!"

x . x . x . x

It wasn't Huang Gai's fault, really. He had simply been stirred with pity over Zhou Yu's pathetic situation (and even more pathetic ways with women). With the methods the pretty general was using, he wouldn't be attracting Xiao Qiao's attention anytime soon.

So it was natural that Huang Gai should help him. Right? They were friends, after all. Or acquaintances. Or …

In any case, that was why Huang Gai ended up seeking out Xiao Qiao for a mentor-to-mentoree chat, which was really a chat about Zhou Yu. Huang Gai hoped that if Xiao Qiao could learn more about Zhou Yu, she would inevitably fall for the general's tragic past. After all, a mere three sentences about Zhou Yu's childhood usually won over hordes of drooling women. Of course, these women were fangirls of Zhou Yu and would have been enthralled by a description of the handsome general eating a piece of cheese, whereas Xiao Qiao was a woman who would rather hear a description of a piece of cheese being thrown at said general's head, but nevertheless, it never hurt to try.

"What is it, Gai-Gai?"

Huang Gai winced. Recently, Xiao Qiao had taken to repeating the syllable of everybody's names – at least, the names of everybody she liked. Hardly a minute went by when he wasn't hearing her squeal out "Ning-Ning!" or "Tong-Tong!" or "Xun-Xun!". The worst, by far, was Huang Gai's own name. "Gai-Gai" made him sound like a gargling baby and not at all like a veteran general held in the highest esteem. Da Qiao's opinion on the worst name differed, however; "Da-Da", the equivalent of "Big-Big", served to remind the elder Qiao of her issues with weight gain that had developed not long after both Qiaos had settled into the palace of Wu. She was the only person to have attempted to stop Xiao's double-syllable habit and to have succeeded. Xiao Qiao's other friends, following Da Qiao's example, hoped to be freed of the nicknames, but their efforts were, unfortunately, less successful, to say the least.

"Well, Xiao, ya know … " Huang Gai shifted awkwardly. The two were seated against a wall near the archery practice area. Bows _twang_ed prettily from where the archers were on one side of the wall. The other side was silent and had only a wide flight of stairs leading back up to the palace.

"Call me Xiao-Xiao!"

Huang Gai coughed to disguise his caught-off-guard splutter. "Ahem. Alright." He smiled warmly. "Xiao-Xiao, I know ya think that Lord Zhou Yu is …"

"Aww, him again?" Xiao's childish expression changed to one of complete and utter disgust. "Why do we have to talk about _him?_"

"That's, erm, a _very_ good question, Xiao—" here he coughed "—em, Xiao. But look … "

"He told you to do this, didn't he?" Xiao Qiao scowled quite visibly.

"Of course he didn't, Xiao-Xiao," Huang Gai replied easily. After all, he wasn't lying. "But yer his wife. Ya gotta know some things about him first."

"Like what? He's boring? He reads all day? He ignores other people? He's a snot-nosed ugly little—"

Huang Gai interrupted, noticing Xiao was becoming progressively angrier. "Eh, not quite. But ya know, the great B – I mean, Lady Ma – is gonna follow him around everywhere for a really long time, maybe even forever. Ya sure you can handle that?"

"Let her." Xiao Qiao rolled her eyes. "They deserve each other, even though he looks more like a girl than she does."

_Ouch! Zhou Yu's got his work cut out for him._ "Still bitter about that book?"

Xiao Qiao fumed.

Huang Gai drew in a deep breath. Perhaps if he could explain the story behind the book, Xiao Qiao would be more willing to accept her husband's seemingly-irrational anger. Yes. That was it. "Xiao-Xiao, there's a reason that Lord Zhou Yu got so angry at you for ripping that book."

"Because he's a stupid, sexist nerd who only cares about his precious little library."

"No," said Huang Gai, shaking his head tragically. "It's 'cause that book was a gift from Zhou Yu's father. His father's name was Zhou Shen. They weren't that close, ya see, but the reason why the book was so important to Lord Zhou Yu is that—"

"General Huang Gai!"

Both Huang Gai and Xiao Qiao turned around to, coincidentally, find Zhou Yu, in full battle armor, rushing towards Huang Gai. Zhou Yu paused many feet away from Huang Gai to catch his breath, but motioned urgently towards the veteran. "I need to speak with you privately, General."

Huang Gai nodded, turning briefly towards Xiao Qiao. "Stay right here. I'll be right back, and then we can finish this talk, okay?"

The expression on Xiao Qiao's face told Huang Gai that the last thing she wanted to do was finish the talk, but he still left her and rushed over to Zhou Yu, all the way up the stairs to a spot that was out of Xiao Qiao's hearing range.

"What is it, Lord Zhou Yu?"

Zhou Yu kept his voice low. "We have an emergency situation. I am asking you to accompany me into battle. Lord Sun Ce left last night without my permission to the Wu territory. I suspect he took Gan Ning, Han Dang, and Cheng Pu's units with him as well. They are all missing. Lu Su admitted to me that Lord Sun Ce asked him to join as well, but refused to leave without my permission."

It took a while for Huang Gai to understand what was going on. His eyes suddenly widened. "They're gone?"

Zhou Yu nodded.

Huang Gai smacked his forehead. "No wonder Han Dang and Cheng Pu weren't at breakfast. But how may I be of service, Lord Zhou Yu?" Huang Gai bowed.

A smile crossed Zhou Yu's face. "I knew I could trust you. What I need you to do is organize a defense first and foremost. Doubtless many forces will be taking advantage of Lord Sun Ce's absence and using it to attack Jian Ye."

"Am I to join the defense, my lord?"

"No." Zhou Yu met Huang Gai's eyes, and seeing the fire behind the dark gaze, Huang Gai was surprised to find emotion behind them – anger. Zhou Yu would not be giving Sun Ce an easy time on the way back. If there _was_ a way back. Huang Gai gulped, realizing what danger Sun Ce had put himself in. Running into the Wu territory without his strategist – had Lord Sun Ce gone mad?

Then Huang Gai realized that Zhou Yu had been saying something. "I'm sorry, Lord Zhou Yu, what did you say?"

"I said that you will be joining me. Sun Ce will need all the help he can get, and he definitely needs you. Many other generals will be staying behind. Tell Lady Xiao Qiao to join the defense. She can stay behind in safety; I can't risk letting her come with her poor training. Lady Da Qiao will likely be pleased with this verdict. When you are done organizing the defense, make sure your troops are in a good position to leave. I will be leaving you with a copy of a map showing the path that Sun Ce likely took, judging by the way he left it on his desk for me to find. Those marks are where I will meet you. They are also where Sun Ce last set camp. With luck, we will have caught him, but I doubt it."

"Meet you?" Huang Gai's fingers closed around the map. "You'll be ahead of me?"

"Yes." Zhou Yu confirmed this with a nod. "My troops are already assembled in the training field. We are ready to leave. We have supplies, but I ask you to bring your own. Knowing Sun Ce, he may have forgotten them." Zhou Yu grasped Huang Gai's hands in his own. "Please follow my instructions carefully," he said, patting the map. "They are enclosed." Then Zhou Yu turned to leave.

Huang Gai almost groaned, wanting to sit down for a moment. Life in Wu was sometimes too exciting. But before he could lower his buttocks onto the stairs, Zhou Yu turned around. "Oh, and I nearly forgot."

_What is it now?_ Huang Gai wondered. Zhou Yu quickly answered his question. "Do not, under any circumstances, allow Lady Li Mei to catch wind of the situation."

"Understood," said Huang Gai, bowing. "We shall meet soon, Lord Zhou Yu."

Zhou Yu bowed back before hurriedly leaving. Huang Gai sighed tiredly before an idea occurred to him. And when this particular idea occurred to Huang Gai, he knew it would incur the wrath of Zhou Yu. Still, Huang Gai could not resist. After all, Xiao Qiao deserved her chance on the battlefield, and who could resist an opportunity to further the relations between Xiao Qiao and her husband?

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **I'm Not Listening!**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: I make Zhou Yu's guards so bad-tempered, don't I. I guess years of chasing away rabid fangirls will do that to you. Once again, I've cut off the book explanation because I'm evil.


	18. Le Grumpy General

**Sidenotes:** A HUUGE apology for the late update. I'm not even going to count what page I made this time; too depressing. To me, this part of the fic is the hardest to write because there's too many things I have to set in place. The plot's starting to appear, so I can't lazily make another dawdly chapter, but it's not to the really interesting parts I have planned that will be more fun to write for me. Hopefully, you guys will understand.

I've been rewriting and rewriting this chapter for so long. Somehow, the chapters never feel _right_. Sometimes they only feel right after I spend three weeks writing a chapter, then erase the whole thing and rewrite it in a completely different manner. It's happened quite often with this one. I don't want to let you guys down, though, so that thought's been keeping me afloat and forcing me to write this chapter. In the end, I didn't divulge as much information as I originally intended to (this seems to happen a lot, for some reason – plots written by me move at rates measurable only in negative exponents), but it felt more right than what I had down before, and this time I think I gave you enough information for you guys to figure out what went on on your own. I'm trying to keep everyone IC here as well, and I'm always so horrible at that as well. I may consider a beta.

Haha, look at the essay I've written. I sound so somber, too, like a funeral orator. Oh well. There's nothing much left to say. I hope you like this chapter, and I will work like an ox put to the yoke to get out Chapter Nineteen in a much more timely fashion. Adios!

**Thank you's:** Mah followers! _-is slapped for cheap Zhang Jiao imitation-_ Heehee, I couldn't resist, me being the wacky authoress and all. To **xq-of-wu and Srt**, **Sunflower**, **Xx Lady Xiao xX**, **weixuan18**, **KairiLuv**, **RWT**, **lilswtchibi**, **Shorty196**,** Kaze ni Tenshi**, **Justinian14**, **Rachel Hunter**, **Adamantina**, **Lady Karai**, and **mGt62 **– vielen Dank!

**Warning:** Agitated general(s) in this chapter, so there is mild swearing. Violence because there is battle.

**Style names in this chapter:** I don't think I've used any of them. If I have, they're easy ones like "Gongjin."

**Disclaimer:** Crazy Insanity, the authoress of this fanfiction, knows and respects the fact that Dynasty Warriors belongs to Koei, the wonderful company that brought us these wonderful bishies—I mean, games (and horrible VA's. Zhou Yu's deep-voiced Mitsuhide Akechi voice, which I once disliked but now love? Beautiful. Zhao Yun's and Jiang Wei's geriatric intonations? … not so much. – augh, I'm ranting again!).

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Eighteen:** Le Grumpy General_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Zhou Yu's particularly foul temper worsened as evening drew nearer. His men tarried without shame, stuffing their faces and chattering noisily as though their lord and supreme commander, Sun Ce, was not caught in a dire life-or-death situation. He doubted they would ever reach the spot where he planned to meet Huang Gai, much less find Sun Ce.

One of the captains approached him warily, as though Zhou Yu was a bomb close to detonation, which was, in effect, what he was. "General?"

Scowling in annoyance, Zhou Yu slowed down his horse to a walk. "What is it?"

"Our men are hungry. We cannot continue."

"We are not far from our destination. According to our map, we are near where Lord Sun Ce planned to make his first stop."

"But my lord--"

"It is imperative that we do not stop until we reach this point. We have already planned to meet Huang Gai's forces there."

"But Lord Zhou Yu--"

"We can allow for no more delays. If we do not make haste, we will be unable to meet Sun Ce's forces in time. The generals he brought are slightly lacking in the areas of strategy." _Just slightly_, thought Zhou Yu sarcastically, eyes narrowing.

"But--"

"_Captain_."

Instantly, the captain shut up, and luckily, too, for Zhou Yu was beginning to press his lips together to demonstrate his heightened state of annoyance. Generally, the men who annoyed Zhou Yu tended to live shorter, more stressful lives. Generally. Sun Ce was nearly always exempt. In fact, Zhou Yu was certain that the lord of Wu himself was responsible for Zhou Yu's own shortened lifespan and heightened stress levels.

The riding continued in silence. A quarter of an hour passed, then half an hour, then an hour. The sun had disappeared over the horizon long ago, and the eerily-cast purples and reds of sunset had long since been replaced by the colorless blacks of night. Whatever exhaustion threatened Zhou Yu's system, however, needn't have been worried, for it was quickly overridden by the intense urge to wring a certain lord of Wu around the neck. _Sun Ce, you think you have gotten away with this now, but just you wait until I get my hands on you!_ Zhou Yu's grip on his reins tightened noticeably. Several more soldiers quickly distanced themselves.

Suddenly, two men approached from the path ahead. The pair was just barely discernable as the scouts Zhou Yu had sent ahead earlier. "Lord Zhou Yu, we've found a fire. It looks to have been recently extinguished. We think it is Lord Sun Ce's former campsite."

_That means Sun Ce made a relatively recent departure._ Zhou Yu felt his blood pressure increase. Damn it, Sun Ce had managed to evade him. Again. He sighed impatiently. The scouts and the other soldiers were obviously waiting for orders.

"Relight the fire. Allow the troops to eat, but you must remember to conserve the supplies. We will set up our tents and wait for General Huang Gai to arrive."

"Yes, my lord."

The army quickly came upon the campsite, deserted but for a lone pile of charred wood where a fire would have stood. Sure enough, a few timbers were still warm. Sun Ce hadn't left very long ago. That bastard. It was mockery, Zhou Yu was sure of it.

x . x . x . x

Huang Gai arrived a few hours later. A scout spotted the cloud of dust approaching in the distance. "It is General Huang Gai!"

Zhou Yu frowned, obviously unconvinced. "Are you certain?"

"Nobody else wields a Shadow Rod." The scout looked up at Zhou Yu, whose sharp glare was affixed on him. Little mercy was contained in those eyes. "…a-as far as I know, that is, my lord," he quicky added.

Suspicion laced Zhou Yu's reply. "It is truly the Shadow Rod, you say?"

"I recognized it, my lord."

"And the person appeared to be General Huang Gai?"

"I hope so," called a loud, gruff voice from the distance. "I mean, the last time I checked, I was." Zhou Yu, without turning towards the direction from which the voice had come, said, "You're late, General."

Huang Gai grinned. "I'm not late, my lord; you're just early." His demeanor turned a bit more formal. "Besides, it took a long time to get ready. Has Lord Sun Ce … "

Zhou Yu shook his head. "No, he left shortly before our arrival."

Brow marred with worry, Huang Gai frowned. "Then are you sure that it would be wise not to pursue him?"

Hearing this, Zhou Yu pressed his lips together. "Yes. I am absolutely sure."

Huang Gai wanted to say, "Why?" but before he was given the opportunity, a high-pitched female voice grew gradually louder, a telltale sign that the speaker was approaching. "Gai-Gai! What are you doing over … " The voice's tone suddenly changed to one of disgust. "Oh, I see."

Although Zhou Yu had been meaning to keep in place his calm façade, the mask instantly shattered when he heard this voice. Sharply he swiveled his head towards Huang Gai, cheeks pale. "You dared disobey a direct order, General?"

Huang Gai gave Zhou Yu a deep bow. "I'm sorry, my lord, but she, ah, insisted on coming. I was unable to stop her."

Zhou Yu was unable to shake off his suspicion, but at that moment Xiao Qiao ran over and wrapped her arms around Huang Gai's muscular shoulders. "Don't you dare make fun of my Gai-Gai! Just because he acts about fifty years younger than you, Grumpy … "

"Why are you here?" Zhou Yu felt his heart pounding with fury and the blood returning to his face. First Sun Ce, now _this_ …

"Oh, polite right off the bat, are we? It's not _my_ fault you were trying to break your promise to me, you meanie! You said you'd let me come, so I'd be disobeying your own orders if I didn't! And--"

"You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into," said Zhou Yu in the coldest voice he was able to produce. "Battle isn't just fun and games, and not every soldier will be as easy on you as General Huang Gai! Do you have a death wish?"

"Oh, are you upset now? Well, _I'm sorry_." She put an evil sort of emphasis on the last two words, and at this proclamation, placed her hand on her hips and tilted her head to the side. For some reason, her attitude-charged posture angered Zhou Yu even more. She was so much like Sun Ce – Heaven, have patience – and seeing as he had the sudden urge to kick both off the edge of a cliff, this was not a good trait.

But then he realized what she had just said.

_I'm sorry._

A simple apology, and Zhou Yu remembered what she had said, and what she intended her meaning to be.

"_What if I apologized to you?"_

What if she had apologized to him? That was not a question, so much as what if her apology had succeeded? Where would they be now? Closer? Happier? Or no better than before? Truthfully, Zhou Yu had long since tired of the game Xiao Qiao seemed to enjoy playing with him. He was tired of the arguing and the immaturity. Would it ever end?

"_Gai-Gai told me about you and Ma. If you're going to keep whining about it, then stop it. Give up and just get over it. It's just annoying."_

She was so immature. She was unfathomably infuriating. _Nothing_, thought Zhou Yu quietly. _She understands nothing._ Nothing at all.

And maybe that was why Zhou Yu hated her so much. Xiao Qiao was still a child. No matter how hard she tried putting on airs of maturity, she wasn't going to change unless she learned how to grow.

Sun Ce was growing. Well, had been, anyway. Zhou Yu had been so sure that Da Qiao's presence was changing Sun Ce, but look at where it had landed them both.

_I'm sorry_.

This time Zhou Yu was prepared. He smiled slightly. "So am I."

It didn't make sense, and indeed, he watched Xiao Qiao assume a mixed expression of disgust and confusion, but he didn't have the heart to care, because perhaps one day it would.

x . x . x . x

"Has she learned the Musou yet?"

Huang Gai gulped. "Um. No."

"Is she proficient at attacking?"

"Sort of."

"Blocking? Defending?"

"…maybe."

"Can she use long-range weapons?"

"Err…"

"Does she know what a deadlock is?"

Huang Gai smiled guiltily.

Zhou Yu loosed a sigh. "General, where has your judgment gone? How could you even _think_ of bringing such an unprepared woman into battle?"

"Listen," Huang Gai said, given the chance to defend himself. "Lord Zhou Yu, she may not be the brightest of minds or the strongest of warriors. But she's got _heart_. That's something few have. She doesn't know a whole lot, but she knows just enough to get by. She's better than the average soldier, ya gotta admit, and, well …" The next part would be harder to say out loud.

"Well?" Zhou Yu's single raised eyebrow beckoned Huang Gai to continue.

"Um, well … and …" Huang Gai then forced out the next part as quietly and as quickly as possible. "Shellbepartofyourunitanywaysotheresnoreasontoworry, since youwillbedefendingherandall."

"_What?"_ asked Zhou Yu, face contorting in ways Huang Gai would have found amusing in any other situation. "She'll be part of _my_ unit?"

_Damn,_ thought Huang Gai, wishing that Zhou Yu's ears weren't so sharp.

"Well, she's yer wife, isn't she?"

Quiet. The stillness of the morning only accentuated Zhou Yu's silence. Somewhere, birds were chirping.

When General Zhou Yu had retired last night, Huang Gai had been hopeful that somehow, Zhou Yu would wake up in a better temperament. However, he seemed only doubly annoyed, having been forced to share a tent with his wife in order to uphold their public images. Not only that, the strategist was more determined than ever to keep Xiao Qiao from entering battle.

Seeing Zhou Yu's expression darken more and more, Huang Gai decided that leaving now would be a wonderful idea, and made to leave. _Things just can't get worse, can they?_ he thought.

His mistake. You see, you should never tempt fate.

And so an arrow landed at Zhou Yu's feet, sharply lodging itself into the pressed dirt. Zhou Yu looked to where the arrow had come from.

The head of the archer units had arrived.

"Did you miss me?" asked the Lady Ma, a smile playing on her bright red lips.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Le Grumpy General**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: HA HA!! I finally did it! I finally wrote a draft where the "apology" bit doesn't sound forced and/or cliché and/or retarded! WHOO!!

Or maybe I did. –**_die-_**

Actually, I think I did.

Crap.

Anyways, this is probably a chapter where peoples' criticism will be brutally honest, but I deserve it. Sappy weird things are the hardest to write. Someday, when I have mastered everything in the universe (cough, cough) then I will produce better chapters. I wanted to make a longer chapter, but I was unable to. Apologies all around! Thanks for your reviews and I hope I gave you a worthwhile update. Also sorry for the late replies. I got really behind this time.

Also for the horrid ending part. The top part is heavily edited, but the bottom … not so much.

And happy Turkey Day. Cluck, cluck. (PS: I hate turkey, so I'll probably be requesting and eating mackerel, my favorite fish. Mm. I luffs fish. So I should really be saying "Happy Fish Day" XP)


	19. Hey, It's Yu!

**Sidenotes:** Actually, believe it or not, I didn't originally intend to have Ma join the battlefield, but I'm evil. Bah, humbug.

I was going to cheat you guys out of the battle, but then a little voice inside my head told me how lame that would be, and how much I would hate it if I was a reader and the author of the fanfic I was reading cut out the battle because she was lazy. Instead, I decided to stick the entire battle in to this chapter (or, as much as I could, anyhow). Enjoy. And I wasn't able to sneak in any DW-playing for this chapter's accuracy (school can die). Sorry for that. Additional apologies for my lack of editing.

And yes, I'm aware of the lame (and non-Chinese) pun that makes up the chapter title, but I couldn't help myself. I'm so immature. Teehee.

**Thank you's:** Many thanks to all of you deserving reviewers for your support: **RWT**, **xq-of-wu and Srt**, **Xx Lady Xiao xX**, **Shorty196**, **sage-serenity**, **Rachel Hunter**, **lilswtchibi**, **weixuan18**, **Gloris**, **Kaze ni Tenshi**, **sango118**, and **Sunflower**!

**Warning:** Very bad historical accuracy, very bad game accuracy. Also, unrealistic battle scenarios and suchlike. I'll try to make the rest of the story not so far-off from history, but this chapter's history was sacrificed in exchange for plot relevance.

**Style names in this chapter:** Gongjin – Zhou Yu

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dynasty Warriors or Koei in any way, sense, fashion, manner, et cetera. I am only a poor student who has no other purpose in life other than to write a fanfic borrowing their characters. Oh, the humanity!

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Nineteen:** Hey, It's Yu!_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"My lord, are you sure we're in the right spot?"

Zhou Yu nodded. "Yes, General."

"But there's nothing here."

Huang Gai spread out an arm, showing Zhou Yu what the strategist already knew was there. The only sound that could be heard in the deserted area was a very distant hum, which was more than likely the sound of moving water. _We must have gone around the river_, thought Huang Gai.

"Yes, the field is empty, but we must trust … we must trust Lord Sun Ce."

Worry. That was the emotion Huang Gai was feeling. He was extremely worried. First, he was worried that their map was wrong. Sun Ce's first map had successfully guided the party to their first rest stop, but according to the Sun lord's second map, their men should have crossed a river by now. Troublingly enough, they had encountered nothing of the sort. Second, Zhou Yu had been strangely calm since Lady Ma's arrival – in fact, he was in a better mood than usual now – but it was obviously a forced performance, and there was no telling when the balance would snap and Zhou Yu would finally unleash his anger in full.

Thus Huang Gai decided to act as he would if he were faced with an irate grandmother. Perhaps, one would ask, this means he chose to brace himself for a clash against the elements?

Nope. Huang Gai fully intended to run up a tree until the trouble was over. Durr.

Of course, a figurative tree, since Huang Gai had not climbed a tree since he was in his youth. Besides, it would take weeks to find a tree able to withstand the weight of a six-foot, two-inch tall man – no, six-foot, two-inch tall grizzled war veteran – in full battle armor, with the Shadow Rod slung over one shoulder.

"So we get to sit around doing nothing? Great." Xiao Qiao plopped down on the ground, discarding her battle fans and sighing.

Huang Gai saw the effort it took Zhou Yu to keep from popping a blood vessel. "Remain on your guard, Lady Xiao Qiao! The enemy may be upon us at any moment!"

She yawned. "Sure."

Ma quickly took advantage of the situation. "Lord Zhou Yu, why pay such an inattentive and untrained girl any heed? The weak are the first to fall in battle."

Sharply and unexpectedly, Zhou Yu turned to Ma. "Lady Li Mei! How dare you disrespect those who have lost their lives in battle! Rescind your comments at once!"

Ma, shocked at Zhou Yu's sudden outburst, stood still for many moments, growing paler. Then, suddenly, the tears came forth in great volumes. The entire army heard Lady Ma's heart-wrenching sobs and watched her disappear into the surrounding brush, wiping her eyes on her long, rippling sleeves. Nobody dared move, save for Zhou Yu himself.

"Men, hear me now! Every man standing around you is a comrade. War is not a competition with the man next to you to see who can kill more men, nor is it an institution for eliminating the weak or unhealthy. War is a necessary route to unify the Han! Our nation is broken; we fight to restore our land to prosperity!" Zhou Yu closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, they were filled with life – blazing, defiant life. "Let me hear the men who would like to see Sun Ce accomplish this task!"

A roar split through the air, first unsure, but gradually growing louder until all else was drowned out. Even when the men stopped shouting, a mighty echo reverberated in the otherwise unmoving air.

"Let he hear the men who swear to fight under the Sun banner, so that all of this can be done!"

Even louder did the men declare their loyalty. Zhou Yu then smiled.

"Then we go to battle."

Still roaring excitedly, the soldiers began to chatter and disperse.

Huang Gai was incredulous. "What? Lord Zhou Yu, but--"

Zhou Yu silenced Huang Gai by holding up a finger. "Huang Gai, look carefully at this map." Huang Gai received the parchment, still frowning.

_Squiggle, squiggle, blot, squiggle, dot._ Huang Gai pointed at the dot. "But we're here."

Zhou Yu's smile deepened, catching Huang Gai off guard. Rarely did Zhou Yu smile, but even more rarely did he deepen his smiles.

"I thought you noticed what I saw earlier, General. Sun Ce was never brilliant at drawing maps. Perhaps this was the reason I did not notice our error as quickly as I would have. I thought that he simply miscalculated the distance to the river, or was careless mapping out our route. I didn't expect him to be so clever." Zhou Yu took the parchment from Huang Gai's hands and very, very slowly …

… began to turn it upside-down.

Huang Gai's eyes widened.

"Do you not see?" asked Zhou Yu, chuckling. "Sun Ce _knew_ everything ahead of time. He _knew_ I would follow him. He _knew_ I would underestimate his mental capacity, as well as his capabilities as a strategist. He was testing all of us, and especially me. He even took care to label the map upside-down in order to fool me. It was a test of loyalty, to show him whether or not we would rather believe he was stupid or believe he was _right_." Here, Zhou Yu's shoulders loosened their normally stiff posture. "Of course, I still believe he is the former." Huang Gai knew, however, that Zhou Yu didn't really mean it.

The map was nearly identical both upside-down and right-side-up: the river still cut through the map around the middle region. There were two key differences. The first was that, according to the new placement of the dot marking their location, the river was still ahead of the army.

The second was a single dotted line. Previously, Huang Gai and Zhou Yu had taken this line to mark their route and show them which paths to travel along. However, upside-down, this line no longer trailed the dot. This line was ahead of the dot. Its new meaning was clear: cross the river.

"We're going to cross the river?" Huang Gai's eyebrows nearly flew back to his receding hairline. "But we don't have boats!"

"I am sure Sun Ce has taken care of that." Zhou Yu was suppressing any further smiles, but though his lips did not betray him, his sparkling eyes did. Though his eyes still shone, Zhou Yu balled one hand into a fist and cursed to himself. "Damn it."

"What's wrong?" asked Huang Gai, hoping Zhou Yu's emotions weren't resurfacing.

"Sun Ce. He's done it again."

"Done what?"

"Made me forgive him, the stupid imbecile." Zhou Yu sighed, but he didn't seem genuinely unhappy. He seemed, actually, quite the opposite.

x . x . x . x

"Are you _sure_ Master Zhou Yu's figured out the map, Lord Sun Ce?" inquired Han Dang, assuming a worried expression as he absentmindedly cut down enemy soldiers with his massive spear.

"Doubt it," muttered Cheng Pu, spearing the poor soldiers that happened to be standing around him. "I still don't see what all this talk about Zhou Yu's about. I haven't seen him so much as hook a fish out of a bucket in all this time. Sure, he's _studied_, but as if _books_ help you in battle. Experience matters much more."

"You're just saying that because your last reading instructor laughed in your face when you tried to recite your own poetry," Han Dang pointed out, maneuvering himself in such a way that he and Cheng Pu ended up back to back as they faced a new wave of soldiers. "Made even worse by the fact he didn't know _what_ he was laughing at – the horrible poems or your absurd recitation of them--"

"Says the boy who wet his pants well into his youth," retorted Cheng Pu, voice unusually shrill as his cheeks flared red.

A jubilant cry broke through the air. "Lord Sun Ce! The ships are crossing the river!"

"Ha ha!" Sun Ce excitedly bashed another man's head in with his tonfas. "I _knew_ he would get it!"

Sun Ce's men fought harder and more energetically, seeing their lord so exhilarated. When Sun Ce was happy, even the sun seemed to shine a few more of its rays. As they pushed forth, they pushed forth with new resolve, and the morale of the army seemed to reach impossible highs.

A shadow suddenly approached Sun Ce, blocking out the sky. Sun Ce, sensing danger, turned around – a dark figure landed dangerously near him, falling into a crouching position as he landed and then abruptly straightening and wiping off the front of his clothes. Sun Ce's face relaxed as he recognized the figure standing before him. "Hey, it's Yu!"

"Sorry I'm late, Ce," Zhou Yu remarked, simultaneously raising a carefully arched eyebrow. "I was, ah, delayed."

"I figured." Sun Ce's grin doubled in size, and suddenly the Little Conqueror began to laugh.

"Lord Sun Ce, Zhou Yu's troops have arrived!" a messenger shouted rather unnecessarily.

A high-pitched voice interrupted Zhou Yu's thoughts and, additionally, his happiness at having been reunited with Sun Ce. "Look, Gai-Gai! A soldier! Should I use my Musou?"

Zhou Yu groaned and clutched his forehead. He had just been reminded of his task for this battle – keeping Lady Xiao Qiao alive – and at this rate, it would be a rather daunting challenge. He met Huang Gai's eyes across the battlefield; the veteran general was worried. However, Huang Gai produced a small nod, a nod of mutual understanding. Zhou Yu knew that Huang Gai fully intended to protect Xiao Qiao as well. Their eye contact broke, and as Zhou Yu dodged a clumsy blow from some lowly guard captain, he heard Huang Gai speaking gently to Xiao Qiao.

"Now, Xiao, remember only to attack the soldiers who aren't wearing red, okay?"

Zhou Yu could almost see Xiao Qiao's pronounced pout. "Gai-Gai, I'm not _that_ stupid!"

A deep, gruff laugh resonated through their portion of the battlefield, sounding oddly cheerful in the midst of such violence. "Sorry, Lady. Just reminding you."

"Hmmph." A pause, and then: "Gai-Gai … you said _not_ wearing red, right?"

_Sigh._ A vein pulsed overtly in Zhou Yu's eyelid. It would be a long, long battle.

x . x . x . x

Li Mei crouched on the tree branch, aiming an arrow into the fray. She smiled, shadows shrouding her face. _Yes, Zhou Yu, watch me destroy you._ The arrow sliced through the air and landed, quivering, into the back of a red-garbed foot soldier. The man let out a small cry, like the whimper of a child separated from its mother, and fell quietly in the dust.

"One down," she murmured to herself, dark eyes flashing. "But oh no, only nine arrows left." She let loose a small, ironic chuckle. "One arrow for every time you have wronged me … ten is not nearly enough. But I shall manage."

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and the Lady Ma had been scorned. Badly.

x . x . x . x

"Hey, Yu!"

Sword metal flashed through the air, and another unfortunate enemy soldier noisily met his end. Zhou Yu paused to wipe his forehead before being attacked on the side by a furious member of the slain soldier's unit. He only barely managed to dodge the attack, but was unable to finish off the attack when he saw a few more soldiers rushing towards Xiao Qiao. _Stupid idiotic moron of a girl who has a gaping blind spot …_ Zhou Yu scowled, and rushed to his duty.

"Yu!"

_Damned stupid female race, of which this particular member will burn in the fires of Hell with the wrath of the Heavens lashing upon every inch of her body … _Zhou Yu swiftly yet methodically felled all of Xiao Qiao's would-be attackers from behind before they could even reach his wife.

"YU!"

_Is someone calling me?_ Zhou Yu managed to turn around, and saw the sunlight being blocked from his eyes by a soldier flying towards him. _Double check: nope, not wearing red._ Zhou Yu himself leapt into the air and let his sword take care of the situation. He slashed with care, since aerial moves were particularly tricky, and the soldier hit the ground with the _thud_ of a dead man. _Score._

"_YUU!!_" Sun Ce was positively roaring at the top of his lungs by now.

"Yes … _my lord?_"

Sun Ce's foul temper bubbled to the surface, but, oddly enough, his irritation held it back. He only pointed a tonfa towards his felled bodyguard, Cao Wu. The harshness in Zhou Yu's eyes lifted up and faded away; Cao Wu had been a strong, ambitious woman, very no-nonsense and focused on whichever task had been assigned to her. An arrow protruded from her back – it had lodged through the minute little crack unprotected by her armor. The work was obviously that of a skilled archer's. Zhou Yu averted his eyes and looked into his best friend's; Sun Ce looked away, but his lips were pressed together in an oddly tight sort of manner.

"Find the archer units. There's some nearby, judging from this. I want the first archer's head."

Zhou Yu's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Decapitation was distasteful, a tactic used only when necessary, as during the Qiaos' rescue. Sun Ce found it especially abominable. "No, you don't."

"Damn it, Yu, you _will_ obey my orders!" Sun Ce's knuckles attained a hue of whiteness characterized by his dramatically tightened grip on his tonfas.

"No, I won't."

"Why?"

"It isn't what you want."

"Oh? What if it is?"

The strategist refused to say anything more. An awkward silence passed between the two. It was Zhou Yu who spoke finally.

"I must go now. Lady Xiao Qiao's life may be in danger. Be careful, Ce." His voice grew quieter. "You trusted me with the maps – trust me with this."

Sun Ce's face became unreadable, and at once he broke away and roared furiously, intending to fight to avenge his bodyguard's untimely death. Zhou Yu closed his eyes and turned to the silent trees and hills beyond, almost as though speaking to them.

"Li Mei," he said, voice barely audible, "do you not think I would recognize your arrows by now? I am sorry for earlier, if that is worth anything to you. Let me inform you of this: I do not love the Lady Xiao Qiao, but I will die for her as necessary today. It is my duty; I am bound to and by it. I would advise you not to provoke such an attempt with your arrows, lest Sun Ce get his hands on you. You have already done enough harm with Cao Wu."

For a minute, Zhou Yu believed he heard the slightest rustle of leaves, but he hadn't the time to stay and discover the source. There was a girl who needed to be defended. The issue of Lady Li Mei could be solved later, when everyone's safety was assured.

From above in her tree, Ma could not help but smile.

"You would die for her. How noble of you, my dear Gongjin. Don't worry, I fully intend to test your loyalties later. You have not discovered my motives for leaving you yet, have you, dearest?"

The wind hummed softly through the grass.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Hey, It's Yu!**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

A/N: Happy late holidays and New Year, everyone! This chapter was supposed to come out before January hit, so HUGE apologies! I need to be stricter on myself. It is longer than most of my other chapters, though, if not all.


	20. Things Grow More Difficult

**Warning:** Minor language. Not enough editing (I would consider a beta if I weren't so slow at writing these chapters).

**Disclaimer:** Dynasty Warriors is Koei's property, not mine, and I am borrowing them for the sole purpose of writing fanfiction, from which I am not reaping any profit.

**_I would also like to insert here a HUGE apology that I haven't been able to respond to your reviews as of yet. Time isn't permitting me to get anything done. I will try as best as I can to respond to your reviews for Chapter Nineteen within three weeks of this chapter's uploading. Don't be discouraged if you didn't receive one, or shocked when you get my late reply. I am so sorry._**

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter Twenty:** Things Grow More Difficult_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The overwhelming silence of the night seemed doubly ominous in combination with the impenetrable darkness. Surrounding the encampment were thick clusters of trees, and though they varied in height, enough stupendously tall ones stood to block the light of the moon, which was hardly a sliver in the sky to begin with.

Nights like these were nights Sun Ce hated the most. Sun Ce preferred radiant nights, the nights with a full and softly yet unwaveringly glowing moon. There was a sort of magic about those nights – everyone and everything kissed by the silvery, luminescent moonbeams became more beautiful somehow – but even then, the hidden threats lurking in the darkest shadows created unease in the Sun lord. _Not fear_, he affirmed quietly. _Unease._ Fear was when Ma left the first time and Zhou Yu refused to emerge from his study for many days. Fear was when Sun Jian died and Ce wondered what it would be like to lose Shang Xiang, Quan, Yu, and especially Da Qiao. Unease was, well, unease, the restlessness scraping against the undersides of his stomach. Fear was much worse.

A rustling of clothes and blades of grass. Feet against gritty dirt. A shadow suddenly neared the entrance to his tent, and Sun Ce realized a person was approaching. What's more, he knew exactly who it was. Sun Ce adjusted his position on his blankets so that he could watch more discreetly.

Pale, slender digits gently grasped the cloth flap of the entrance, pulled on it just a whisper, and quickly drew back, movement markedly hesitant. The same hand, a minute later, rapped gently against the thick, rough cloth of covering the entrance.

"Sun Ce?"

For an instant, Sun Ce didn't know how to react. He knew who was outside his tent, but he didn't know exactly how to deal with the situation, so he simply pulled the blankets over his head and pretended he was sleeping.

"Mrnph."

"Sun Ce, I know you're awake."

_Dang it._

"Are you upset with m—no, a stupid question."

_Damn straight._

"How angry are you with me?"

_That's a hard one._

Awkward silence ensued from outside the tent, and Sun Ce sighed, sitting up. It was his cue to take action. "I don't know. Wanna come in and ask me? You know, instead of standing out there like it'll actually help."

The hand sharply pulled aside the flap, and Sun Ce wordlessly regarded the entering figure. Relief surged in the visitor's eyes.

"So you are not upset."

Eyes averted, jaw set.

"Or perhaps you are."

Sun Ce shrugged, slowly formulating a response in his head. It was difficult deciding what to say, and at last Sun Ce settled on a casual, "I'm not gonna act bitter like _some_ people would, Zhou Yu."

Silence passed between them.

"That was supposed to be a joke."

No laughter. But none was expected.

Sun Ce ran a hand through his bedraggled hair. "You were right, though. I really didn't want that archer's head. There's no way I'd've figured out who really shot the arrow, and I could've gotten an innocent. But still." Sun Ce's shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. "She was good, and now I've gotta find a new one."

Zhou Yu hated the uneasiness of the situation; Sun Ce could tell by the way his best friend's fingers twitched slightly, a telltale sign Zhou Yu was trying not to fidget or show other signs of weakness or uncertainty. Amused, Sun Ce kept his eyes fixed on his strategist, whose eyes traveled in every direction besides the one Sun Ce occupied. Sun Ce almost laughed. Nobody understood Zhou Yu as well as Sun Ce did despite the fact they were so remarkably different.

"It's Ma, isn't it?" Sun Ce most innocently inquired.

He watched Zhou Yu stiffen slightly. "Lady Li Mei has nothing to do with anything."

Sun Ce snorted. "Yu … give it up."

Zhou Yu's face quickly grew unreadable. "It's not her."

Sun Ce couldn't very well ignore the tense note occupying the quiet, especially not with his best friend. So Sun Ce did what he always did, laugh. Somehow it worked, and Sun Ce was rewarded with the dissipation of the tension that had been thickening the air between them.

"Best friends forever?" he offered.

Zhou Yu mildly rolled his eyes at the childishness of Sun Ce's statement, but Sun Ce's grin only widened at this gesture. "How old are you this year, Sun Ce?"

"Hey! It's not nice to ask old people their ages, ya know."

One raised eyebrow. "Old people?"

Laughter.

The minutes passed quickly and more easily this time, soon accumulating into hours of mindless chatter, sarcastic exchanges, and frequent outbursts of laughter. Then Sun Ce yawned, and all at once, Zhou Yu rushed to leave the tent, insisting that Sun Ce should rest before tomorrow's journey. As Zhou Yu reached the tent flap, Sun Ce spoke again.

"It always is."

"What?" Zhou Yu turned around, only to meet Sun Ce and the uncharacteristically serious expression he bore.

"You said it's not her, but that's not right. It's always her. Ma, that is. Things have changed, Yu. Don't you miss the old days?"

x . x . x . x

_Don't you miss the old days?_

The old days? Of what? Being naïve, ignorant, blind – oh sure, there were _so many_ things Zhou Yu wished to reclaim from the past.

Zhou Yu recalled an old teacher's favorite saying: "Blessed are the ignorant, for they are happy." But were they truly synonymous?

His reply at the time to his teacher was, _The ignorant do not seek permanent blessing, for in their foolishness, they ensure for themselves only temporary happiness. The weight of sorrow then falls more heavily upon them as they realize where they have erred. In this, I wish first for knowledge, that I may know the true joys of life rather than submit to a lowly, unlearned existence. _To which the teacher had chuckled, applauding Zhou Yu's reply.

But which was truly better?

When he had been ignorant, he had been happier. But Zhou Yu wasn't sure if he'd prefer happiness.

The past was such a simple affair. Now things were much more complicated. Perhaps there was meaning in this tangled web of emotions and memories. Zhou Yu couldn't see the worth in it all yet.

Flashback. _It is a hot summer day, and two boys converse by a river. Sun Ce grins enthusiastically. "I'm going to be the king of the world, Yu!" Zhou Yu barely suppresses a rather undignified snort. "What will I be, then? Bookkeeper of the World?" His voice contains a mocking tone, and Sun Ce shakes his head. "No, no, you've got it all wrong! I'd never make you Bookkeeper of the World. Maybe Nerdy Royal Bookworm or something. But aren'tcha going to be a strategist for Father?" Zhou Yu shrugs. "If he hires me, maybe." And Sun Ce's response has Zhou Yu nearly losing his balance._

"_Then will you be mine, too?"_

_It takes a while for Zhou Yu to recover, and a bit longer for him to find the right words. At last, he speaks again, acting stuck-up while trying not to stutter._

"_Pah! You become King of the World first, and then we'll see about that!"_

_Sun Ce laughs suddenly. Zhou Yu doesn't know how to respond this time. He knows Sun Ce's seen the consent in his eyes._

"_Don't worry! Watch, when I take over the universe, you'll be begging to be my strategist."_

It all began that day, Zhou Yu mused. First Sun Ce would ask him to be his strategist, and as Zhou Yu grew older and older, it grew much more difficult to refuse Sun Ce. In the end, he found he didn't want to turn down his best friend anyway, and he vowed complete loyalty to his sworn brother.

"I will just … concentrate on the tasks at hand," Zhou Yu thought aloud, barely audible. Somehow, this made his intention seem more plausible. The spoken word is in itself an unwritten vow.

x . x . x . x

Jiang Dong was especially beautiful that particular day, with clouds lazily strewn through the clear and pale blue sky. The wind gently drifted softly as babies' breath, and the landscape achieved beauty of the sort any poet would immortalize in some lengthy ode to nature.

Unfortunately, Jiang Dong happened to be the headquarters for Sun Ce's forces, whose "eventful" activity starkly contrasted the tranquility suggested by the pleasant weather conditions.

"Hey, Xun, let's go down by the river!"

Lu Xun's frown deepened, and he dug his back further into the tree against which he was sitting, looking up from the pile of parchment in his lap. "I-I don't know about that. Lord Zhou Yu told me to get this paperwork done by--"

Though Gan Ning prepared to object, a voice beat him to the punch. "Don't bother, Pirate Boy. Who'd want to go with you anyway?"

"Plenty!" Gan Ning snapped, glaring up at the branch where his archrival was seated. "You keep you and that stick up your ass away from me, got it?"

"No need to remind me," was Ling Tong's unfazed response. "Who'd want to be near you anyway, Girly?"

"_Girly_??Look who's talking!"

Ling Tong snorted and rolled his eyes. "At least I'm not Gan Ning of the _Bells._ Forgive me if the title doesn't exactly project the manliest of images."

"I'm very manly, for your information!" Gan Ning jumped to his feet. "More manly than you, anyway! What's so girly about bells? The ladies like 'em! More than they like your pretty-girl hair, anyway. I'm a lady-charmer by trade, more than you could ever hope to be!"

"Hey, look, it's Lady Sun Shang Xiang!" Lu Meng interjected quickly, before the squabbling could turn into something more serious.

Gan Ning's head immediately turned and his eyes registered the approaching figure. "Hey, Shang Xiang! I mean, Princess," he added quickly, seeing the look in her eyes.

Another snort sounded from behind. "A _real_ charmer."

Seeing Gan Ning stiffen and swivel back around to spew a retort at Ling Tong, Sun Shang Xiang strode to Gan Ning quickly and gripped his arm, distracting him enough to calm him down. "Guess what?"

"Hmm?" Gan Ning's eyes flickered to her green ones, which were filled with excited energy. A brilliant grin amplified the effect.

"Brother's home!"

x . x . x . x

If truly there existed a heaven, and if the gods truly looked down from their position in the skies and laughed at the ridiculous trouble humans manage to find for themselves, then that day Jiang Dong would have attracted their unanimous attention.

From one side, two bookish men grinned and bowed, greeting the approaching horsemen. One was in desperate need of a shave, and the other clutched his pile of papers to his chest. Meanwhile, a short-haired and athletic woman waved her right arm and jumped up and down, green eyes shimmering. Her left arm was linked with a spiky-haired pirate's, and was probably the only thing restraining him from attracting a tall man in a ponytail, whose eyes sent the pirate a carefully controlled though condescending gaze as often as he could. The pirate's face was red with anger and his hands were clenched so tightly they were little more than two white balls at the end of his wrists.

On the other side, several soldiers rode in. The only relevant ones, though, included a confident, brown-haired man rode to the front upon a white horse, an almost foolish grin pasted to his handsome face. Slightly behind to his right side rode his dark-haired best friend, serious almost to the point of gloominess, and behind him rode a pretty and delicately-shaped young girl next to a heavily muscled terror of a man. Further behind them was a beautiful girl who may as well have had two flames instead of eyes, her gaze was so harsh.

The dark-haired man cleared his throat carefully, then slowed the pace of his horse until he and the pretty girl rode side-by-side. "Lady Xiao Qiao, I would like to extend the hand of friendship to you."

The pretty girl looked surprised and turned her head slowly so that she regarded him from the corners of her eyes. She was about to respond when a couple things happened.

One. One of Lu Xun's papers flew loose. Ling Tong tried to grab it, "accidentally" knocking Gan Ning in the head in the process.

Two. Gan Ning snapped. His fist, aimed at Ling Tong, missed and hit Lu Meng, who fell forward onto Lu Xun.

Three. Zhou Yu, seeing the commotion ahead, intended to take care of the situation himself, and swung his horse into motion. Zhou Yu's elbow swung around with him and connected with Xiao Qiao's head.

x . x . x . x

Zhou Yu uttered a few words of surprise, feeling the impact against his elbow, and stopped his horse to see he'd knocked Xiao Qiao off her horse. She had landed rather roughly on her bottom, legs sprawled out in front of her, and Huang Gai immediately dismounted to help her. "Lady Xiao, are you …"

Xiao Qiao ignored the hand Huang Gai offered her and stood up on her own. Zhou Yu remembered too late he was still rather rudely upon his horse, but before he could courteously dismount and offer assistance, a rather painful and unexpected punch hit him in his sensitive lower areas, rendering him effectively immobile. A pained groan escaped his lips and he slumped forward on his horse, miraculously managing to stay atop it. A cheap shot, but a painful one. The men around were torn between sympathy and full-on laughter, but knew better than to choose the latter.

"_Hmmph_!" With that, Xiao Qiao ran off, Huang Gai trailing behind her.

Meanwhile, Lu Xun and Lu Meng were holding back Gan Ning and Ling Tong respectively, and Sun Shang Xiang sighed and grabbed the hair of the bickering men, pushing them apart while decidedly tightening her grip on their scalps.

Her brother, atop his white horse, sighed and trotted up to greet his sister. "Hey, Sun Shang Xiang. We won!"

Sun Shang Xiang's eyes flickered from her brother's face to the struggling men on either side of her.

"Congrats, and welcome back."

Home sweet home.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of **Things Grow More Difficult**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**Thank you's:** Thank you to **SimplyMione**, **Shorty196**, **Paupu**, **weixuan18**, **xq-of-wu**, **RWT**, **KairiLuv**, **sango118**, **lilswtchibi**, **sage-serenity**, **Sunflower**, **Hado82**, **Justinian14**, and **Kaze-Yumi no Tenshi**! School's been amazing(ly evil) and several times I've considered quitting fic-writing, but you guys are keeping me accountable for it. Thanks for kicking my lazy butt all the time. Seriously. You guys underestimate your impact on this fic's continuation.

**Sidenotes:** Twenty chapter mark! There's this odd heavy feeling I have reaching this point. My original estimates for the length of this story approximated about twenty to thirty chapters; at this rate, I will be nearing fifty again.

I've changed the format of these "Sidenote" and etc. things because it seemed like the whole top of the chapter was me babbling, and I'm sure you'd much rather read a chapter first and listen to my chatter instead of the other way around. Si?

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and sorry for the wait. I swear, I always intend to churn these chapters out faster … this chapter was extremely hard to write, though, and it kept sounding awkward, and for some reason, I couldn't upload this chapter for several days (kept getting an error when loading the document; fellow authors might understand). Hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner.


	21. Stupid

**Warning:** General suckiness, which I apologize for. There's also mild language.

**Disclaimer:** Me: borrowing characters. Koei: owns characters. Me: get no money. Koei: gets money.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

**A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY**

_**Chapter **__**Twenty-One**____ Stupid_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Well," Huang Gai mused. "Could be worse."

Zhou Yu almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of Huang Gai's statement. Almost. But his bruised pride and, more importantly, _other_ bruised areas refused to allow him such a luxury. Instead, he raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "_Oh_?"

At that very moment, a pair of Wu's notoriously pretty (though equally absentminded) palace maids began to draw nearer from the opposite direction, excitedly exchanging gossip. As they approached, they began to flash each other knowing looks more and more frequently, and their giggles became progressively more subdued. But Zhou Yu could tell by the many looks they continually sent his direction that they had either witnessed or heard about the morning's events, and his mood darkened tenfold. Huang Gai strained to catch up to the fuming strategist as Zhou Yu's steps grew successively faster and angrier, until the strategist was practically stabbing the floor with the bottoms of his feet.

"Look on the bright side, Lord Zhou Yu," Huang Gai called out from behind Zhou Yu, politely acknowledging the maids even though Zhou Yu himself made no such effort. In response to Huang Gai's remark, Zhou Yu sighed exaggeratedly and turned around to face the veteran.

"What bright side?" Zhou Yu snapped. "With all due respect, General Huang Gai, there _is_ no bright side."

A cautious grin spread across Huang Gai's tanned face. "Well … er … at least they know for sure that yer a man … no more girly jokes, eh?"

Immediately, his lips pinched sourly, Zhou Yu spun back around and continued to charge down the hallway.

Huang Gai shook his head and sighed defeatedly. Some people just had no sense of humor.

x . x . x . x

Da Qiao heard sheets rustling from behind the door and sighed heavily, gently knocking again. "Xiao?"

"Go away!"

"Xiao, I'm coming in."

When Da Qiao opened the door, she found her younger sister entangled with various blankets and sheets, tearstained but still completely furious. Still, Da Qiao knew the tears themselves counted for something.

"Xiao, is it really so bad?"

These were just the words to set Xiao Qiao off. "Is it really _that bad_?" Xiao Qiao mimicked bitterly, harshly wiping the tears from her face with the backs of her hands. "What do you think? He's completely stupid! I hate him, I hate him, I—"

"Oh, Xiao." Da Qiao tentatively approached the bed and sat down next to her sister, tenderly rearranging the loose strands of Xiao's light-colored hair before wrapping her arms around her sister. "You know he didn't mean to hit you."

"It's not just that!" Xiao Qiao began to sniffle, rage receding. "He—well—you don't know what it's like! I mean, ever since we got married—no, ever since we _met_—he's been grumpy and snooty and all, 'I'm better than you!'!" Xiao Qiao's hands curled into fists around the blankets. "He doesn't do anything except make me feel bad and he always makes me feel like he doesn't even want me there! The only times he talks to me, he says things like, 'Go away!' or, 'You shouldn't be here!' or, 'Don't do that!' Everyone else here is so nice, but _he's_ such a jerk! And you're never around anymore, always off with Lord Sun Ce, who is a perfect husband--"

"Xiao, you are still a child," Da Qiao berated, though gently and without malice. She smiled at the accusing tone in Xiao Qiao's voice. "People in love don't always get along."

"Oh, yeah? What about you and Lord Sun Ce?"

Da Qiao paused thoughtfully, eyes softening as she spoke of her husband. "Lord Sun Ce is everything a woman should desire from a husband."

Xiao Qiao rolled her eyes, pulling away from her sister's embrace and turning away so she no longer faced Da Qiao. "Ha! See? You don't know what it's like."

"I said he is everything a woman should desire. I never said he was perfect."

Xiao Qiao fell silent, and Da Qiao once more closed the distance between them and placed her hand on top of Xiao Qiao's, trying to catch the other girl's eyes.

"Xiao, Ce has been wonderful, but everyone has their flaws. Lord Sun Ce and I have argued before. He has angered me before—several times, in fact. Many of the feelings you say Zhou Yu has caused you to have are feelings Lord Sun Ce has given me as well. Even so, I love him. I know he is a good person, my lord, Sun Ce, even when he upsets me."

A snort came from Xiao Qiao's mouth. "Yeah, that's the difference. Lord Sun Ce's a good person. But Zhou Yu's like … a demon! No, wait, the _god_ of all demons!"

Da Qiao could not suppress a stream of laughter, laughter like wind through glass chimes. "Oh, Xiao, you don't give Lord Zhou Yu enough credit. He has done so much for you. He's really trying to love you."

"As much as he tries with Lady Li Mei?"

"Are you jealous, Xiao?" teased Da Qiao.

"What do I have to be jealous of?" Xiao Qiao sniffed. "She's mean and stupid."

Da Qiao smiled, then sighed wistfully. "But she's rather beautiful, don't you think? A rival for the famous Qiao sisters."

"Hmmph! You're much prettier. And anyway, she has a huge pimple on her nose."

When Xiao Qiao again withdrew her hands from Da Qiao's, Da Qiao could not help laughing again. "Oh, come back here, you," she teased, leaning in to hold Xiao Qiao in her arms.

x . x . x . x

Dinner at Wu was a pleasant affair—if by pleasant you mean "taut" and "awkward" and "chokingly silent."

"What a delicious meal!" Sun Ce exclaimed delightedly, oblivious as usual to many facts, the most apparent of which being the enmity between Ling Tong and Gan Ning. The pair seemed ready to kill each other, though Lu Xun was wedged uneasily in between them in hopes of preventing the inevitable.

Da Qiao gave her husband a polite smile, eyes flashing sadly toward the empty seats normally occupied by Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu. Somehow, the victory feast did not feel like a victory feast, and everybody except for Sun Ce seemed to realize this.

After chugging down his entire cup of wine, Sun Ce let out a satisfied, "_Ah_," and subsequently brought his cup back down onto the table with such force that the sturdy wooden construction shook upon impact. Then Sun Ce seemed to finally notice his best friend's absence. "Where's Yu?"

A pause hung through the air for an uncomfortable amount of time as though suspended in water, until Huang Gai took it upon himself to answer the question. "Lord Zhou Yu is busy at the moment with … er … _paperwork_."

At the last word, Lu Xun blushed and averted his eyes, reminded of his own unfinished duties and of the cold, unreadable look Zhou Yu wore on his face when Lu Xun told him as much.

"Aww man, leave it to Yu to rain on the party." Several generals snorted, and one even bothered to mention that the correct phrase was rain on the _parade_, but Sun Ce merely shrugged and continued ravaging the food on his plate as though it might disappear if left alone. "He could always work later, ya know," Sun Ce pointed out through a large mouthful of food. "We should be celebrating! We won, after all!"

Cheng Pu ignored the piece of rice that flew from Sun Ce's mouth and landed with an ungraceful _plop_ in Huang Gai's wine. "Not to be abrupt, Lord Sun Ce, but we should be planning our next move. Strategy, I mean. The Wu territory is ours now, but the other warlords will want to challenge th--"

"General Cheng Pu?"

Chills ran visibly through Cheng Pu's spine at the sound of such a cold voice from behind, but he nevertheless straightened in his seat and bravely replied. "Yes?"

"I am sure Lord Sun Ce will appreciate hearing your opinion later, _honored_ _general_, but as for now, I can say with equal certainty that he would rather be stuffing himself to asphyxiation than listening to misguided opinions."

Both men heard the unspoken word in the sentence: "_your_ misguided opinions." As Zhou Yu impassively took his regular seat next to Sun Ce, Cheng Pu turned away and made crude gestures in imitation of the callous strategist, causing Han Dang to roll his eyes at his friend's childishness and smack Cheng Pu upside the head.

"Hey, Yu! Speak of the devil! I was just telling Huang Gai here how you should join our party. Or was it parade?" With that, Sun Ce sent a cheerful grin towards his best friend, slapping Zhou Yu affectionately on the shoulder.

Zhou Yu pushed an open scroll in front of his Sun Ce's face. "Actually, I am here strictly for business purposes, Sun Ce. These tax figures for the month cannot possibly be accurate."

Sun Ce rolled his eyes. "Tax figures, shmax figures." He snatched the parchment from Zhou Yu's hands and lightly set it aside. "Come on, Yu! Join the feast!"

Before Zhou Yu could reply, the loud _clang _of silverware sounded from another section of the table, and, after slamming his empty cup of wine on the table so roughly that the plates nearby rattled, Ling Tong abruptly rose to his feet. "Gan Ning, you …!"

"Don't be jealous, girly, just 'cause the heavens gave me _your_ share of manliness." Gan Ning picked a scrap on chicken from between his teeth and nonchalantly flicked it from his fingers.

Ling Tong's body began to visibly tremble. "_I hate you._"

Gan Ning wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Still sad about Daddy Ling?"

"It's not funny!" Ling Tong clenched his hands into tight fists, veins bulging. "You think killing my father was a _joke_?"

"You want to start a fight here, girly?" Gan Ning turned his head and spat contemptuously, then turned back to face Ling Tong. He then rose slowly from his sitting position, eyes never leaving Ling Tong's. "I'm more than willing."

The threat swept through the room, and a dreadful silence ensued as both men glowered at each other, cracking knuckles and clenching fists.

"Oh, give me a break." Sun Shang Xiang's clear voice cut through the hostility as she too brought herself to a standing position. "You men and your need to be macho."

Gan Ning grinned at Sun Shang Xiang, raising an eyebrow suggestively as he extended one arm toward the Wu princess. He winked before adding, "Scared I'll get hurt? Don't worry, there's no way I'm losing to Miss Girly here--"

"Sit down, shut up, and eat your food, or I'll make sure you never make babies again." Sun Shang Xiang's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Can't say no to a lady, can I," Gan Ning responded, smiling weakly. He sat down again, looking dazed.

"And Ling Tong, was that your name? Let's go out and talk."

Gan Ning's smile instantly faded. "Hey, when do _I_ get a turn?"

Sun Shang Xiang glared at Gan Ning once more, then looked back at Ling Tong and smiled cordially. Both Ling Tong and Sun Shang Xiang walked out of the dining hall, leaving the rest of the company quite at a loss for words.

Finally, Sun Ce again broke the tension by filling his empty cup to the brim again with wine and raising it into the air with great zeal. "Drink up, everyone! Last one to drain his cup is a wimp!" He grinned. "Besides, Zhou Yu and I are having a drinking contest! Yeah!" His trademark grin swept across his features as he turned to Zhou Yu. "Right, Yu?"

Zhou Yu's expression was less than pleasant as he darkly pushed his empty goblet to the opposite end of the table.

Sun Ce laughed nervously, and the dining hall finally exploded in merriment. Yes, the banquet had finally begun.

x . x . x . x

Sun Shang Xiang entered her father's bedroom smiling, eyes lit nostalgically as she ran her hands across the wall. The window was open, and the moonlight seemed to wane peculiarly as it streamed through the vast but abandoned expanse of Lord Sun Jian's chambers, as though it, too, was affected by the odd mustiness of the room.

"You know, we have a lot more in common than you'd think," Sun Shang Xiang mused quietly, smiling to herself before turning around to acknowledge the grumpy person behind her.

"Hn," was Ling Tong's cynical reply. The sarcastic man stood back by the door, just barely within the boundaries of the room "I doubt that."

"Gan Ning's a total asshole."

Ling Tong's eyes widened as he considered her commentary. "Wow."

Sun Shang Xiang turned back to the wall, grinning cheekily. "Yep."

As Sun Shang Xiang continued absently tracing her fingers against the wall, she could feel Ling Tong's hesitation. He finally spoke as Sun Shang Xiang continued along the wall.

"But I thought you, well, you know … " His words came slowly, and Sun Shang Xiang detected the awkward waver in his voice.

"You mean how we're together?" Sun Shang Xiang completed casually, fingers and feet both suddenly coming to a halt.

"Well, yeah … I mean, yes. That."

Sun Shang Xiang laughed so unexpectedly that Ling Tong drew back sharply, only to find out just how painful it was when the side of your head collided with an open doorway. He tried to discreetly disguise the injury, and although Sun Shang Xiang never once faltered, he somehow sensed she had noticed.

"I punched him in the face, you know. When he tried to kiss me."

This time Ling Tong wasn't at all amazed. He could imagine the tomboyish princess easily beating anyone up. She was rather tough.

Not waiting for Ling Tong to reply, Sun Shang Xiang continued. "It's funny how things changed so quickly."

Ling Tong didn't quite know what to say. Luckily for him, Sun Shang Xiang chose to grin brightly at him instead. "We're very much alike, you and I." Ling Tong was beginning to wonder what exactly Sun Shang Xiang meant by that, but before he could reach a valid conclusion, Sun Shang Xiang suddenly leaped over and linked one of her arms with one of his. "So, tell me about your father."

The two started back out of the room. Though he faltered at first, Ling Tong soon began to talk confidently, with Sun Shang Xiang nodding and adding an empathetic little, "Hmm" wherever needed.

"You know," said Ling Tong, "my father was an amazing man. Even though you never met him, that is. He was just so …"

Sun Shang Xiang allowed Ling Tong to trail off, reassuringly placing her free hand on his forearm as they both continued walking.

"That's okay. I understand. I'm sure he was a great man."

Ling Tong nodded, then opened his mouth once more. When he was once again distracted by reminiscences of his father, Sun Shang Xiang stole a quick glance back at the open door leading to Sun Jian's old room. _A great man_, she thought, closing her eyes and giving herself a moment. Then she reopened her eyes once more returned to her role as Ling Tong's audience.

Back in the room, a gust of wind carried through Sun Jian's open window. The door gently closed.

x . x . x . x

"Can you put out that stupid candle? You can keep kissing your books tomorrow morning, if you're too devastated to tear yourself away from the thought of leaving them."

Zhou Yu, who had been working through the endless piles of paperwork, clutched his forehead and rolled his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was noticeably strained. "I am making sure our kingdom's finances are in sound order, Lady _Xiao_ _Qiao_, and although your pretty little brain might not be able to distinguish between a brush on parchment and lips on paper, I enthusiastically assure you I am _not_ kissing my books."

Xiao Qiao sat up on the bed, eyes narrowed. "What did you say, Nerdy Boy?" she snapped.

"Nothing to worry about." Zhou Yu continued to shuffle papers, occasionally marking a page with his elegant brush strokes. He seemed intent on completing this task.

"You know, that was mean."

Zhou Yu nodded in agreement, jaw clenched and eyes practically burning holes into the desk he was sitting at. "_Yes, very_."

"You don't see me calling _you_ stupid."

Zhou Yu shook his head, trying to ignore her annoyingly squeaky voice. "_Never_."

This seemed to get Xiao Qiao thinking as she tried to recall all the insults she had pelted at the Wu strategist. "I've called you ugly, nerdy, obnoxious, hateful, and idiotic. But not stupid."

Brushing her aside with a distracted hand gesture, Zhou Yu responded through gritted teeth, "No, of course not."

"I guess idiotic kind of means stupid, though."

"Yes. Yes, it does." Zhou Yu gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to get up and strangle her in order to shut her up. Gods, what was with women? Why did they always have to giggle and gossip? They could go on endlessly about nothing. No wonder they didn't have men coming after them—what kind of man would want to live with an endlessly chattering mouth for the rest of his life? Zhou Yu imagined a man coming home after many years of military service, weary and glad to be home, only to be greeted by nothing but a gigantic mouth at his door, endlessly yapping away. The mental image was almost funny, and Zhou Yu felt himself wanting to laugh. Ridiculous, the thought of coming home to nothing but a _mouth_. He let a few chuckles loose.

Then, strangely enough, Zhou Yu felt all his stress and anger simply melt away. He wasn't sure why or how, but all he knew was that all of a sudden, he felt relaxed and carefree, two words that were simply _never_ used to describe his state of being. He could only find one way to express this liberation: he laughed harder. "Yes, you're right," he managed to say between chuckles. "Quite right."

Startled by his newfound calmness, Xiao Qiao was at a loss for words, so she laughed as well. She didn't exactly know what was so funny about the situation, but she didn't really know what else to do.

Something awkward still lingered once the laughter ceased, but there was something else distinctively _un-_awkward as well. Perhaps it was the latter, this new element, which caused Xiao Qiao to ask Zhou Yu, "Are you going to sleep on the floor again?"

Zhou Yu's eyes flew wide open, and Xiao Qiao turned pink when she realized what exactly her words had sounded like. She hastily rushed to correct the misunderstanding. "I … I'm not saying that it matters to me. At all. Matters to me at all, I mean. You can go and sleep on the floor all you want. I suppose it serves an ugly woman-hating meanieface like you right, to go breaking your back sleeping on that desk or on the wall or whatever." Xiao Qiao shrugged. "But if you want—I mean, if you stay on the farthest edge of that side of the bed, and if I stay on the farthest edge of this side of the bed, and there's enough room between us to fit an ox swelled about the size of your overgrown ego (which is humongously humongous, by the way) plus three Gai-Gai's, and if you use a different blanket and pillow and stuff …" Xiao Qiao shrugged again, hoping it would complete her meaning.

Remembering his declaration to Huang Gai, Zhou Yu sighed and pushed away his papers, moving to snuff out a candle. _It's a start, I guess. A beginning, though that's not the word I'm looking for._

The thought of sharing a bed with Xiao Qiao was a bit unnerving, Zhou Yu had to admit. Sanity began to set in, along with his good senses. _Eww. I can't honestly be sharing a bed with THAT woman._

Despite that, another voice was telling him, _So what? She's your wife. Don't be stupid._

Stupid. That was the word he'd been searching for. This whole thing was stupid. Hoping he and Xiao Qiao could ever be on friendly terms was stupid. Time after time, he'd been hopeful, and time after time again, he'd been kicked back to square one again. So why was he still trying?

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"What did you just call me?" asked Xiao Qiao accusingly, scooting away as promised to the opposite end of the enormous bed.

_Shoot_. He hadn't meant to speak the word aloud. "Nothing." Zhou Yu snuffed out the candle and approached the bed carefully, as if it might bite him if he weren't careful. With caution, Zhou Yu slowly lifted the corner of the blanket and slid under the covers into his own bed, making sure he was all but hanging off the edge.

In one swift motion, Zhou Yu felt the blanket being swept off him. Before he could protest, Xiao Qiao informed him with a sniff, "This is _my_ blanket. You can hug your pillow if you're cold. Pretend it's Lady Ma."

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_End of __**Stupid**_

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

I don't know if Xiao Qiao has actually called Zhou Yu stupid in the fic. I think she probably has, though in the typical Crazy Insanity fashion, I'm too lazy to go and look for it myself. Either way, she doesn't have a picture-perfect memory, and besides, even if she did, she'd claim to be a good girl anyway, I think. So please don't kill me for getting the facts wrong, because I know they probably already are, along with God knows how many other facts I've gotten jumbled up so far.

**Anniversary!: **As of APRIL the NINETEETH of TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN, this fanfiction (_A Story Written Historically Inaccurately_) was officially two years old! Whoo! This chapter is coming three months late, but regardless, some sort of gesture is due.

**Thank you's:** I'd like to thank everyone still reading this after all that time. Wow! Holy smoking mackerel, can you believe this fanfic is already over two years old? I was such an immature little brat when I started writing this (which hasn't changed much, if you think about it), but I am much too lazy to go back and edit, so you get to deal with my (numerous) fluctuations in writing style and maturity level. Hooray! That said, you guys are amazing – I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for such an incredible fanbase.

That said, reviewers. For two years, your encouraging words have kept this little brainchild of mine afloat. I mean, sometimes I think to heck with it, I'm not a great writer, this story sucks, I'm too behind, I should just quit. But I can't, because you guys are holding me in check. To **xq-of-wu**, **KairiLuv**, **Paupu**, **Aquatic Idealist**, **xX Lady Xiao Xx**, **sage-serenity**, **Hado82**, **RWT**, **smile for me**, **lilswtchibi**, **Sunflower**, and anyone else who reads this: thank you all so very much! Hopefully this fanfic will end sometime before the end of next school year (Ha, I can dream) … the ending will probably be modified drastically against my original plans, of which I really have none.

**Sidenotes:** Rereading the last chapters, I've realized I've been putting in so little actual content. I'll try to get around to better content, I swear. It'll happen sometime.

Again, I must apologize for the amount of time it took for me to write this chapter. Truthfully, I didn't even start it until mid-May because of standardized testing and finals and summer school and blah blah blah, and I only wrote about one paragraph until mid-June. I have about a million useless excuses. Bottom line is, sorry for being Queen of Late, Late, Late, Late Updates yet again.


End file.
